(Closed) Married bees in their late 20's or 30's and the pressure to have kids

posted 3 years ago in No Kids
Post # 46
Member
3523 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2016

I just want to add that I am 23, Darling Husband is 26, and apparently the second you get married it’s time for society to start questioning you about kids! I feel pressured and I’m still a good decade off from TTC (if we decide to have a child at all). So I can’t even imagine the kind of questions and pressure I will be getting in another five plus years.

I’ve worked with a few coworkers in their 30s who are CFBC and although people definitely have strange reactions at first (such as the oh so lovely “you will change your mind”), they do eventally chill out and respect it. 

And I agree, whenever someone asks me about babies and when are we going to have them, I cannot help but think of how hard it must be for couples who are struggling to conceive. For all they know, I could have miscarried recently. It’s such an inappropriate question. If anything should be taboo it should be asking people personal questions about reproducing!

Post # 47
Member
917 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2015 - Cathedral of the Immaculate Conception / Courtyard Marriott Legacy Ballroom

I just had a baby – not pressured into it, we wanted to try for one right after we got married – and now I’m constantly getting comments about having a 2nd one! We’re going to wait to TTC for a 2nd one because it’s better for my health to have at least 18 month between pregnancies. Plus we need a bigger house before we can have more kids. People tell me I shouldn’t wait too long or I won’t be able to have more (I just turned 35 and Darling Husband is turning 34 soon). I’ve had comments about how it’s nice to have children 1-2 years apart – mostly, these comments are from my mom’s friends. So yeah, the pressure to have babies doesn’t stop even after you have one.

Post # 48
Member
1002 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2017

View original reply
tillymac :  just out of curiousity, why does she think it’s a bad idea to be a first time mom at 28?

I’ll be turning 29 about a month after our wedding, and Fiance will be 35. I’d like to TTC a little after that but who knows what issues I’ll have.

Post # 50
Member
135 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: April 2017

I’m 32 and my fiance is 27 – we’re getting married in 6 months. People ask me ALL. THE. TIME. if I’m going to have a baby right after the wedding and my answer is always no. I never wanted to get married and have kids immediately after. And just because I happen to be “old” in terms of having a baby now that I find myself engaged, it’s not going to change.

Whenever I thought about getting married and having kids, I just knew I wanted to BE MARRIED for a bit. So many people get married and jump right into parenthood and while that might be right for them, that’s not right for us. We want an actual home (we’re in an apartment), I need a better paying job, and we both want time to travel alone before kids are in the picture. I know all of those things will eventually happen… and then after that we’ll talk about a family. We know we want kids, but we’re not going to rush into it just because we’re getting married and I’m in my 30s. My parents waited 10 years to have kids after they got married and my mom was 31 when she had me and 34 when she had my sister… so… if I take after my mom? I’ll be alright. 😉

Post # 51
Member
53 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: September 2016

 My husband and I haven’t even been married 3 weeks yet and we get asked literally everyday sometimes twice. Its nuts, can’t we enjoy at least our honeymoon before the baby talk begins smh. We were on our honeymoon and were bombarded with baby talk I just don’t get it. 

Post # 52
Member
555 posts
Busy bee

1. “You better get started as you don’t have much time left.” I have the rest of my life to be CFBC, thank you! 

2. “Are you all trying yet”? Nope, just wild sex for no reason at all. 

3. “When’s baby going to get here?” Still dirty dancing. 

4. “You look like you’re gaining weight. Are you pregnant?” Shut up!

5. “Your baby is going to have birth defects and medical issues if you don’t get started.” Oh shoot, I guess I missed the window.

6. “You don’t want to be an old mom, do you? No, I don’t want to be a mom at all. 

7. “There is never a perfect time to have a baby so just do it.” So you mean there is always a perfect time to NOT have a baby? Deal!

8. “You look like you have a pregnancy glow.” No, I am just naturally glowing, because I live a childfree and stress free life.

9. “You’re next” Wanna bet $500 on this? 

 

 



Post # 53
Member
2523 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

Yeah- I’m in my late 20s and I definitely feel pressure to have kids.  We actually have been TTC for the past few months without any success yet, which makes those comments really hard to take (and we haven’t told anyone we are TTC as we didn’t want that pressure either).  

Post # 54
Member
1909 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: February 2015

We’re CFBC and I don’t feel pressured at all because IDGAF about other people’s opinions regarding my reproductive decisions.

Post # 55
Member
6 posts
Newbee

I don’t get asked by close family and friends when we are having more children, it’s usually acquaintances that had children twenty, thirty years ago.. I love to educate them on childcare costs, lack of maternity leave, etc.

Post # 56
Member
483 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2016

I went home from work early yesterday because I felt nauseous and lightheaded.  One notoriously snarky co worker insinuated I might be pregnant (I’m not – it was either food poisoning or a stomach virus) but other than that everyone has been pretty polite and not in-our-faces about having children. We married earlier this year with our second wedding (overseas) in December, so who knows, that might change next year 🙄 

I’m 29 and hubs is 38, so we have a few years left up our sleeve yet… we are at this stage fence-sitters and want to get our own house and travel a bit more. If it happens, it happens.  If not, oh well. 🙃

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