(Closed) Married bees, what advice would you give to those planning their wedding?

posted 8 years ago in Recaps
Post # 17
Member
354 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

blah blah blah about not stressing… you’ll stress. It’s just in your nature as a bride (or at least it was definitely in my nature and everyone else I know’s nature). Just don’t stress AT the wedding itself. We had so many little mishaps the day of our wedding and if I stressed out during it all I would have exploded. I surprisingly held it all together and had a BLAST!! That’s the most important thing. But before the wedding?? Stress as much as you freaking want to. 

Another point – make sure your photographer knows EXACTLY what you are hoping for. There are a few shots that our photographer missed and I am STILL really bummed about it. The shots she did get are of course lovely and perfect, but I put so much attention into so many details that were not captured on film. 

Post # 18
Member
610 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2013 - The front lawn of our church

@lolot:  +1

Weigh in your mind whether or not the decision you’re making or the thing your searching for is really worth the stress. For example, I had a very distinct picture in my head of what I wanted my bridesmaids to wear. I looked for the perfect dress for such a long time!!!! I got to the point I hated looking at dress and I wasn’t enjoying planning my own wedding. I finally settled on one that I really liked, even though it wasn’t exactly what I wanted. I’m so glad I did! And I wish I would have settled earlier. After that I decided not to stress out so much about details. There were several things about my wedding that weren’t 100% what I wanted, but I saved myself a ton of stress!

Post # 19
Member
46 posts
Newbee

Things I learned the hard way:

1)  If you wear contacts and plan on wearing fake nails – please practice taking your contacts out with them on. 

2)  Wear comfortable shoes. 

3)  When you are getting married in the foyer of your mom’s house and there is a knock at the door just before you say “I do”… don’t answer it.  The embarassed expression on that poor girl scout’s face when the best man opened the door and she saw the preacher, me in my huge wedding dress and my almost-husband standing there at the makeshift altar is something I will never forget……. she said she’ll just “come back later”.

 

Post # 20
Member
4097 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: February 2013

Focus on yourself and your Fiance. That’s it. Your friends/family can only put a damper on your wedding as much as you allow them to. If your bridesmaids don’t show up to an event, does that mean you can’t be married? No. If your mom chooses an outfit you’re not fond of, does that mean you can’t be married? No. If the white of your veil doesn’t match the white on your dress does that mean you can’t be married? No. The wedding is just one day that marks the beginning of a lifelong (hopefully!) marriage. Together you will face much more important problems than party planning.

Post # 21
Member
972 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

Work on one project at a time and finish it before moving on to the next.  Keep a list of everything that needs to be done because it feels so dang good crossing things off that list.

Post # 22
Member
948 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

1. Don’t panic! Whatever you are worried about, it is not worth the stress. 

2. Stop obsessing over small details! No one cares about them anyway. 

3. Don’t do anything you don’t want to! 

4. Relax and breathe. 

Post # 23
Member
7111 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

 

  1. Establish priorities and a budget – This should be a joint effort between both people in the couple. It should be done very early in the planning process. Write it down. Refer back as often as needed.
  2. Limit looking at bridal blogs (especially those with staged weddings), magazines (same thing), and pinterest. If you need ideas, that’s fine, but it can be very overwhelming and intimidating.
  3. DON’T MAKE YOUR WEDDING A COMPETITION – this relates to #2. Again, refer back to #1 – was it a priority to get blogged? To be better than cousin so-and-so’s wedding? Focus on the meaning of the day, not the look.
  4. CARE LESS. This is super helpful. Just try not to get upset easily – which is the tendancy for many brides, including myself. Aunt Jody wears a hideous, loud, red dress? Cousin Selma doesn’t give a gift? Bridesmaid has tan lines? There are 4 tealights in the centerpieces rather than the 5 you intended to have? None of this stuff matters. Most things that we get upset about simply aren’t that important. Certinaly if something is important, do what needs to be done, but really think about it – it’s probably not that big a deal. And if there’s nothing you can do to fix it – then getting upset will not help anything and will make you feel bad. So just don’t worry about it. It’ll be fine.

Post # 25
Member
3910 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

I would say:  Keep it simple and nice.  At the end, the only that notices all the little details will be you and your bridal party (the females).  And just have fun!

Post # 26
Member
371 posts
Helper bee

@katie8759:  HA! 1) is a life lesson, not just a wedding tip!

Post # 27
Member
10972 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2011

In the grand scheme of things, it is your wedding day.  Be firm about what you want, but be as flexible as you can with the things that might not matter as much to you.  You are marrying the love of your life, and that’s what’s going to make your day the best day ever.  2, 3, 4, 20, 40 years from now, you’re going to remember it as one of the best days of your life, and the little details that might not have gone well? Really, no big deal. 🙂  So enjoy it!

Post # 28
Member
108 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2013 - The Gables at Chadds Ford

-Once you find your dress and jewelry- make sure you do a hair and makeup trial EARLY and make sure you LOVE it!  I did not start early and I hated my hair AND makeup on my wedding day.    If you are good at makeup normally, consider doing it yourself because it just never looks the same when someone else does it- professional or not.  Also, do not change your haircolor or even get highlights within a month of the wedding (just my opinion- set in highlights look more natural).

-Do NOT spend more money than you and your fiance can afford or want to spend on the wedding.  When it comes down to it-  all that matters is that you are marrying your best friend and your friends and family are there to share that moment with you. 

-Save the Dates should only be sent to your closest friends and family.  Also, do not feel pressured to invite people because you feel like you should- invite who you want to.

-If I could do my wedding over- I would have a small courthouse wedding or outdoor ceremony and a firehall party.  We still spent on the low side for our area (around $20,000), but to be honest, it kind of wasn’t worth the hassle as horrible as that sounds. 

-I second the “spend more on your honeymoon than your wedding!”

Post # 29
Member
1465 posts
Bumble bee

First and foremost – spend as much time planning your MARRIAGE as you do your wedding.  Go over to the emotional board and look at the “should I call it quits?” or “I can’t believe we are divorcing after only 2 years” type threads.  Invest in the marriage before you get to the wedding.

Next – I speak as a 2 time bride, 4 time MOB, and a retired supply sergeant from the Army.  LOGISTICS IS EVERYTHING.  PERIOD.  Ignore your logistics and you will have a discombobulated, disorganized wedding where things and people aren’t where they should be, when they should be.  (Yeah, I know, have the wedding you want, be true to yourself, yada, yada, yada.  do that while ignoring logistics and you will have a wedding that disappoints you).

Logistics rule #1 – set your budget.  KNOW where that money is coming from, when it is coming and from whom.  Don’t say, “Oh, we should be able to save 15G over a two year engagement.”  Run your numbers with your income and SEE if that money can be saved apart from your emergency fund and regular savings.  If you can’t truly see it, it won’t be there.

Logistics rule #2- NOW make your guest list.  Consider leaving 5-10% wiggle room for engagements, new friendships, new relationships amongst your friends so that you aren’t leaving SO’s out of the mix.

Logistics rule #3 – you know how much you have to spend, you know how many people you will invite, NOW you go find your venue.  It amazes me that in the years I have been on forums (since my first DD got engaged 9 years ago) the number of posts about there isn’t enough room at the venue for everyone, you need to break down tables to have a dance floor (uber rude pet peeve of mine), etc.  If you know how much you can spend and  you know how many people, you CAN choose the right venue.  It might not be your dream venue, but it will fit your guests comfortably.  If you  have to have your deam venue and it is to small for your guest list – cut your guest list.

I also highly recommend a DOC if you can afford it.

Stay away from Platinum Weddings, David Tutera, and all the other stuff on TV.  That stuff is scripted, over the top, and not reality.  Do not get caught up in those kinds of expectations.

Be kind to your guests and consider their comfort.  Comfortable guests stay longer.  Uncomfortable guests are looking for the first chance to leave without looking like a jerk.

I have been following a thread on the knot that I will link.  It is about the worst wedding you ever attended.  So much of the issues with these weddings would have been solved with good logistics!  You have to plan everything through.  If you are gonna take pics after the wedding, make sure your guests aren’t standing around the venue waiting for you with no food and drink.

 

http://forums.theknot.com/discussion/996525/worst-wedding-you-ve-ever-been-to#latest

Post # 30
Member
5486 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: July 2012

Don’t spend a lot!  When it’s all said and done, it’s gone.. Use the $ towards something like a house.

Post # 31
Member
1132 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

I am not married yet but I would love to add some input. I have went from planning my “dream wedding” or what I thought was supposed to be my dream wedding until I made a list of things that I wanted and next to every single thing that I wanted I had to give a reason why I wanted it. After spending a week (yes 1 whole week) on this list I put it away and stopped planning for an additional week (okay 4 days) and took it out of its drawer and read it…Seriously eliminate anything that says “because so and so had it at their wedding and I thought it was cool” or “Because everyone will talk about it when the wedding is over” we took our wedding budget from about 20K to 9.5K in 2 weeks flat because of that list.

Example of something on the list

Hotel venue – Because I want to make sure that my guests can get as drunk as they want and not have to worry about driving home.

This is where I told myself. “waitingbee, are you an idiot? Do you realize what you just said? You want your guests to get drunk and have somewhere to lay there head. get your head out of your ass, that isnt even what you want. Our original hotel venue would have cost us 12K with Venue, food, and Liquor.

The new venue I just got is 675 to rent. 100 to have the ceremony, the catering is 2200 (including tax and tip) the Alcohol is 3000 (including tax and tip. and about 350 for linens and 200 for plastic plates.

The new cost: $6,525 – For exactly the same thing.

My one word of advice is that list and seperate the wants/needs from the would like to have but doesnt neccessarily need. No one is going to notice the escort cards, the save the dates, the CHAIR COVERS (if any of you know me from you you may no my absolute disgust in chair covers.)

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