(Closed) Married bees, what advice would you give to those planning their wedding?

posted 8 years ago in Recaps
Post # 32
Member
1775 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2018

As someone who has been married before, here is my advice:

1. It’s ONE DAY! Yes, it’s one of the most amazing and exciting days of your life but it is just one day. If everything doesn’t go to plan it really doesn’t matter. As long as you are married to the one you love, nothing else matters! 

2. Everyone forgets. Don’t worry about things not being perfect or finding the most unique thing for your wedding. At the end of the day, it’s you and your spouse that will remember everything from the day, no one else will. Another wedding will come and yours will no longer be the most fresh and new one in everyone’s mind.

3. EAT! I kept forgetting to eat at my first wedding because I was so busy getting ready or talking to everyone and at the end of the night I was starving with a headache.

4. Have fun! This is your day! A celebration of your love and all of your hard work coming to an end.

Post # 33
Member
1775 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2018

@Rubbs:  +1 to this a million times over!!

 

Post # 34
Member
597 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

N’thing the budgeting. When you’re engaged you’ll have a million vendors telling you that their service is “the most important” detail of your wedding and you “deserve the best.” The dress is the most important, the food is the most important, the entertainment is the most important, etc. You need to be able to ignore that and say, “I have $1,000 for photography and I will find the best vendor in that range.” 

I’m also going to add that you need to budget your time. At the end of it all, a wedding is 12 hours of your life and it will happen whether you spent 1 hour picking favors or 100 hours. I know this because I planned my wedding like it was a full-time job, which was crazy, unnecessary, and didn’t make anything run smoother anyway.

Post # 36
Member
775 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

Complete things one task at a time, that way you won’t get overwhelmed.

 

If you don’t sleep well the week before the wedding, don’t freak out because you will get through it and your day will still be amazing. However, antihistimines help you sleep… I slept a good 8 hours the night before the wedding!

 

If you don’t want to practise your speech, don’t. You’ll wing it on the night. 

 

While you’re getting around to talking to ALL your guests, take your food with you so you get to enjoy it too. (I did this with the cake). 

Post # 37
Member
2303 posts
Buzzing bee

@btothez:  So much your first thing. I’ve seen way too many people get a ring on their finger and forget why they had broken up three months before. I’m not saying people can work through a breakup, but if you broke up and now are back together without addressing the reason you broke up, a fancy wedding isn’t going to save your marriage. 

 

For me, I would advise people to do what they want for their wedding, but keep in mind the comfort of their guests. That way, you can look back as the couple getting married and say “we did it right” and your guests can look back and say “they did it right”. 

Post # 38
Member
1074 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

There are 3 days when the attention is all on you – the day you’re born, the day you die and the day you get married.  So yes, although you should try to chill out and not stress, this is a big deal and it’s natural to stress. Just don’t take it out on each other, the Bee was a great place to vent for me.

At the early stages of Planning:

Prioritize and Focus: Jointly decide on the Top 3-5 things that are most important to you. (E.g. type and format of food, central location for guests, full sit down dinner, having a DJ or band, having a videographer, religious or non-religious ceremony, amazing flowers, venue with a view, a really great photographer etc.)

Set a Budget: establish your ideal target and your maximum amount you’d go over (because it’s easy to go over.)  Do a sanity check – are you spending most of it (or a propotionate amount) on the things you’ve said are priorities? 

Towards the end:

Make it personal: people aren’t there for the party and the food, they’re there to celebrate your marriage.  So don’t shy away from speeches or writing your own vows, those are the things that make it a wedding instead of a party (NOT the dress or the flowers). 

Run most of your speech by your DH… Ideally your speeches complement each other and cover off different areas of your relationship or tell the same story from a different perspective. 

…But make some of it a surprise:  Save the “I love you because” for the day of.  When you get to that portion, speak directly to him. 

Day of:

Delegate…especially if you don’t have a wedding party or a wedding planner/DOC.  Pick a few people and brief them on your vision, that way if something goes wrong they can jump in and fix it.  Some advice I was given was “By the time the day rolls around you should be a guest at your own wedding.” It’s not entirely feasible but the intention of having a go-to person is right.

Give context and break the ice:  You will likely have family members meeting for the first time, friends who you knew in college but who don’t know your current friends etc.  Try to introduce them or ask outgoing friends to introduce themselves.

Take 5 minutes, steal away with your DH and soak up all the love:  It goes by so fast.  If you can make sure the two of you take a look around and just enjoy all the friends and family who have assembled to celebrate with you.  And then look at each other…some couples barely get to speak on the day which is a shame.

How this worked for me:

At the early stages of Planning:

Prioritize and Focus:  We wanted a venue with a view of NYC since we were having people from 8 different countries, some of whom had never been to the US before.  A full sit down dinner and a photographer with a photobooth to capture all of our guests rounded out our requirements. We also had the after party at the hotel where our guests were staying so that guests with kids could still join us.

Set a Budget: We set one and increased it based on our priorities. But we stayed within our limit.

Towards the end:

Make it personal: We wrote our own vows and had a friend officiate.

Run most of your speech by your DH: We heard each others’ before and it was SO cool to hear his take on how we met. 

…But make some of it a surprise:  Hearing all the reasons he loves me in front of everyone we love was just awesome.

Day of:

Delegate…especially if you don’t have a wedding party or a wedding planner/DOC.  We gave our siblings specific tasks since we didn’t have a wedding planner. But there were a few other things I should have delegated.

Give context and break the ice:  We had welcome drinks the night before and a picnic in Central park the day after.  This was the only time that our loved ones from around the world would all be together, so we wanted to stretch it out and have them meet.  We didn’t make anything ‘mandatory’ but heard many times that people loved having all the opportunities to interact.

I agonized over the seating chart and for a few people who didn’t know anyone, I buddied them up with extroverted friends or people I thought they’d get along with.  I made a point of asking friends beforehand to introduce themselves.

Before the ceremony our officiant got New Yorkers to raise their hands, then instructed the out of towners to go say hi to people who raised their hands.  People actually did it and met that way which was awesome.

Our speeches and our officiant explained how we met. 

We had a lot of people say the vows, speeches and ceremony were awesome.  While I like to think that it’s because we’re great writers, I honestly think it’s because we gave context and narration.  In the words of one of our friends:

” A wedding is always a great way for us newer friends to get a more complete glimpse into who you are and where you come from!”

Take 5 minutes, steal away with your DH and soak up all the love: We did that.  And we also took 3 hours at a spa once all the guests had left.  Cool

Post # 39
Member
376 posts
Helper bee

Don’t book a venue just because you like it. I made this mistake and am paying for it now. It’s 2 hours out of the way and it’s been SUCH a hassle. All because it was pretty. So NOT worth it.

Post # 40
Member
310 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

@katie8759:  Sorry it happened (the scout girl), but seriously, when I read that, I laughed soooo much lolol 🙂 The way you wrote about it suggests that you have a good sense of humour! I love that!

Post # 41
Member
310 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

@Waitingbee57:  Great advice (the list with the reasons)! I’m going to use it for sure!

LOL on the chair covers. I hate them with a passion too!!! I told my Fiance that sheets go in the bedroom, not on chairs!

 

Post # 42
Member
1132 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

@soupir:  I dont think anyone despises them as much as me. 2 dollars a chair cover plus a dollar for the sash for an absolutely uncomfortable chair? No thank you!

Post # 43
Member
1366 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

@Araya:  Negotiate on your prices, get a reputable photographer that knows weddings, pick the dress you’re in love with and don’t settle for less, get a planner if you can afford it.

Post # 44
Member
31 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: September 2013

First, if you’re not used to wearing shoes with heels or you’re uncomfortable in them then don’t wear them. My shoes were taken off about 20 minutes after our signing and I didn’t put them back on for the rest of the day, I threw my thongs on and I was comfortable. 

Second, you’re going to stress, it’s natural, but try to limit the amount you stress to the bigger things instead of small things like table decorations and just keep reminding yourself this is all for the day you get to marry your best friend, it helps so much.

Thirdly, the dress. If it’s an important part of the day to you, don’t let anybody rush you into deciding, choose the dress that you love and take your time. It’s easy to feel pressured into choosing something you just think is ok, especially when somebody else is paying for the dress (my parents bought mine), but if you do there’s a high chance you will end up regretting that dress and buying the one you should have bought all along. 

And finally, enjoy your day. It really does fly by so fast, but it’s one day you’ll remember forever Smile

Post # 45
Member
754 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@Araya:  Give yourself plenty of time to get ready on the day and also take time to think about all the people you want pictures with and dont just tell your photographer – tell THOSE people!

I missed out on photos with so many people, because people are almsost shy to ask on the day and it goes by so fast that you won’t notice. 

Tell that cousin, aunt, ect to make sure they get one with you. They don’t have anything else to worry about or remember on the day, so it is easy for them to track you down and grab those shots. 

Post # 46
Member
187 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

Recognize that it’s a VERY important day, but don’t treat it like the highlight of your life. I’ve seen one too many women treat it this way and then end up super depressed after it’s over. A wedding is just the vehicle to get you to the goal of being married! 

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