(Closed) Married Bees: what words of wisdom would you share with waiting Bees?

posted 7 years ago in Married Life
Post # 17
Member
2093 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

– Enjoy every aspect of your relationship. Even “waiting”. And then enjoy your engagement. You will never have it again. And at each change in status, you change too. Cherish the present. 

– Marrige is literally nothing like you think it will be or is. Don’t listen to Hollywood. Or reality shows. Or the Bachelor. But it is good. However, you will be responsible for making it that way.

– There will be times you queston your sanity. 

– You will likely not recognize yourself at some stage in the game. I’m told this is normal.

– Self-care out the wazoo. Even though you are married, you are still the best keeper of YOU.

– Engagements and weddings bring out the truest colors in all those that surround you. THE TRUEST. You will quickly see those that love you and those that don’t. It’s especially hurtful when those people are family. 

– For better or worse, people will start treating you differently as an engaged woman. This of course is based totally on their personal assumptions but just know that all of that existed inside of them. Your engagement just made it easier to come out.

– Nothing is more important than who you marry. Not your dress, your Maid/Matron of Honor, your ring, your cake…nothing. You won’t think this now. You will think I have no idea what I’m talking about. But I’m right. And you will realize all of it after. Go for the man what wants to stay up with you all night when you are sick…not the one that looks hot in a tux. Go for the one that works at and for your relationship. Not the one that shows up for all the fun stuff. THAT guy is a boyfriend. The other is a husband.

– Be the kind of wife you want your husband to match.

 

 

Post # 18
Member
2736 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: County courthouse

Don’t get so wrapped up on the wedding. It’s one day out of your life. What matters more is your marriage and a quality life long relationship.

Post # 19
Member
135 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

Don’t expect your spouse to be perfect – you’re looking at spending your life with a real person and not a fictional construct, after all.  Have a realistic idea of what you’re unwilling to give up (from your ideal vision) and what you’ll let slide.

Post # 20
Member
3400 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

Love your spouse more than yourself. Make sure you are constantly showing them through your actions that you are in it for the long haul and that you would do anything to support them.

My husband & I are facing some serious issues right now (unrelated to our marriage per se), and I can honestly say that it is only because of his unending love and commitment to our wedding vows that I am able to continue on.

Your marriage will be tested, this you can be absolutely positive of, but you have to know beyond a shadow of a doubt that you are committed to them. There will be days when you don’t like each other very much, you will feel betrayed and hurt, and even misunderstood. But commitment is a choice.

Love them unfailingly & realize how richly blessed you are to have experienced with another person one of the most rare and special bonds god has given us to delight in. 

But more than anything, when you say those vows, MEAN them. You never know the power of them until you are put in the position to have to live OUT those vows, and not just say them. But the day will come. Make sure you can stand behind them in deed, and not just theory.

 

Post # 21
Member
1018 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2010

These things come immdediately to mind:

1) Get premarital counseling together! Even if you think you have NO issues, do it. Marriage takes some work, but you can head off some of that if you go into it eyes wide open. If there are any red flags in your reltionship, marriage will magnify these issues, not make them easier.

2) Don’t get married out of fear or selfishness or boredom or a feeling of obligation. Do it because you can’t imagine the rest of your life without this person, and you know they feel the same about you.

3) Marriage is about so much more than the wedding. In a few years you won’t remember most of those tiny details, but the big picture will stay with you. 

Post # 22
Member
877 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2013 - A Beautiful converted Barn

for Bees in the planning stage of the wedding –

It might seem like the most important thing in the world right now, but seriously, after the wedding, the colour of the table linen/type of soup served/font used on invites/super involved DIY strassed shoes etc will seem almost insignificant. definately NOT worth getting stressed or having arguments about.

DONT let the details become bigger than the purpose. remember its WHY you are marrying your SO that is important – not HOW!!

Post # 23
Member
517 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

@This Time Around was half joking but this is so true: ONLY Date / Marry a Man who loves you a tiny bit more than you love him

This was the golden advice my grandmother always gave me, she’s been married for 50 years to a man that spoils her.
 
I never followed this advice as I thought it was unbalanced and made no sense, then I met my Fiance (we’re getting married in May, living together for 3 years). Although I feel he’s my soul mate, my twin flame, etc I still keep a part of me to myself, I didn’t give him every single piece of me and that has kept his hunting instincts on high alert. A simple example, I’ll give him affection but he gives me a bit more. I used my grandmothers advice and he asked me to marry him after a month of being together (after I had experienced two disastrous relationships and didn’t even want to think about marriage).
 
My point is if you allow a man to know that your biggest priority is being his wife he may make you wait even longer and it may change his mind, put YOURSELF (hobbies, interests, expectations, goals, priorities) before him until he makes that commitment to you. If you’ve been waiting for too long (in your mind and heart) then LEAVE, that initiative to follow your heart and put your feelings first may very well shock him and bring back those “hunting” instincts; if it doesn’t it WILL lead you to someone who won’t make you wait. HE should feel honored and enthused about make you his wife and not make you wait if guys are both financially and emotionally stable, especially if you’ve been together for a very long time. It may sound like games but this is how a lot of men work.

Post # 24
Member
3064 posts
Sugar bee

I’ve been married for over 26 years (to the same man).

Any tips?  Well I’m not sure I can advise anyone but I’ll give it a go. 

Tell each other that you love each other every single day.

Treat each other with love and respect.

Say when you are angry or upset.

Share the money – joint accounts if possible.

Share the housework.

Put a big emphasis on being romantic.

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