Post # 1
My Fiance and I are currently in the very beginning stages of planning, and are trying to decide whether to accept money from our parents or pay for the whole thing ourselves.
If we pay our own way, we would be able to plan the day exactly how we want it without having to worry about demands from parents. It will be a small affair, somewhere around 50 people with a much smaller budget (10k). We are planning a long engagement and already have over half that amount saved up, so this amount of money over 2 years is very comfortable for us. We will have to make some tough decisions on who to invite and will likely have to cut some elements of our “dream” wedding. We don’t mind having a small wedding, and in some ways would prefer it.
If we accept money from our parents, the budget would be more around 20-25k with around 100 guests. We would have much more flexibility to plan a wedding that includes everything we want without having to worry about money. We would have to be accommodating of our parents wishes, including any opinions they may have on planning, inviting distant relatives we really don’t care about, etc. Keep in mind my mother can be very opinionated and controlling. We would not have to worry so much about excluding anyone we want to invite. We would be able to use our own money towards a house down payment or honeymoon.
Does anyone have any advice? Did you accept help from your parents in paying for your wedding? If anyone went the smaller route, do you have any regrets?
Post # 2
I’m having a small wedding (VERY small – about 15 people, total) and as the day gets closer, the more i’m glad we chose this route. It’s been low stress and after meeting with our officiant and going over ceremony details, we realized how intimate and personal everything will be. I’m very much looking forward to it.
Larger weddings, of course, are meaningful and can be very romantic. I think it depends on the kind of couple you are.
Post # 3
- Wedding: July 2016 - The Burgundy Basin
I would reccomend looking for venues that fit your budget and can hold more people. We’re at a place right now (Upstate NY) where we’re having the wedding that we want, for under 10k, for 140 people. It took a bit of research but by paying for it ourselves, we still get exactly what we want. :]
Post # 4
loveisbrewing: We originally planned a 100 person wedding and scrapped it all for a tiny 4 guest wedding on the beach in mexico. honestly, it was the best decision ever. Low stress, much lower costs, much more intimate… HOwever that is just our style, we had been living together for 5 years already, together for 8 so we really didn’t feel the need for a large wedding for any reason other than our for our families…
Post # 5
We invited somewhere in the neighborhood of 60-70 people and had just 38 including ourselves (due to location, it was expected). I wouldn’t have had it any other way. Only one person at our wedding was a total stranger to both of us (an aunt’s boyfriend we didn’t know about), and it was really nice to be able to chat with everyone without feeling rushed about it or obligated. If I were in your shoes, I’d just stick with the original plan. I would resent being told who was going to be invited to my wedding when it should be our choice and not anyone else’s. I’d feel guilty spending that money when it could go elsewhere – a significant monetary gift from my parents went straight to the bank to be used in home renovations and we didn’t touch it for our wedding. Also my husband is quite the introvert and I’m not much better – we’re far more comfortanble in groups where we know everyone and it’s a lot less stressful.
BUT… that’s me, not you. So you will have to decide whether you want total control, whether you want to know everyone there, whether the money would be better spent elsewhere, etc.
Post # 6
None at all! 14 people and even my mother, who likes big and flash, was totally won over despite mutterings before the event.
Post # 7
loveisbrewing: has your family made comments that make it seem like they will be very demanding if they are paying for it, or is this just a potential concern you have? i’m asking because you may be surprised and find that they are willing to offer the money and pay for it with no strings attached! It’s worth having that talk with them to see what page they’re on and whether it’s worth it to let them pay for your wedding. as my fiance and i are paying for everything ourselves and finding it a lot more expensive than we thought, i would be willing to take a few extra opinions if my family were willing/able to contribute 🙂
Post # 8
aubreyanne: This is a really good suggestion. Even increasing the guest limit to like 70 would allow us to invite anyone we would really want at our wedding. One positive to a long engagement is lots of time to shop around, so I’ll definitely try to see if it’s possible to have more people within our budget!
Post # 9
Mine is in 8 days and 26 people including bride and groom. The closer it gets the more I wish i’d had even less people! I wont regret having a small wedding I think it helps to focus who is really important.
Post # 10
We had a small (<50) person wedding that we paid for ourselves and I regret nothing. it was beautiful and exactly what we wanted and we actually got to spend time with our guests.
Post # 11
bananastand: Let’s just say that knowing my mom, there will be drama lol
Post # 12
loveisbrewing: I would think about the people between 50 and 100. How much would it mean to you for them to share in your day? I thought I wanted a smaller wedding in theory, but the reality is, I’m close to my aunts, uncles, and cousins, and they are a LARGE crowd. I don’t think the day would have been as special to me without them, and I know they would have been really hurt to have been excluded. I think you can live without the bells and whistles that might have made for your “dream” wedding, but if there’s anything you might regret, it would be the people.
Post # 13
We had about 40 guests at our mountain cabin wedding. Our parents split the cost of the wedding, which was $3000 total ($1500 each). We loved everything about our wedding, and we’re so glad we kept it to a small amount of guests. So much less stress!
Post # 14
loveisbrewing: Mine was 15 people and was the best wedding I’ve ever had. ;-P It felt like when we said our vows, our guests were right there. As opposed to being on an altar in front of an audience of 150. We were all just close in proximity and it made it feel very special that it was not just us in the moment.
Post # 15
Looks like our final headcount for our wedding in 3 weeks (eek!) will be 30. I don’t regret a thing so far. We have one maid of honor, one best man, and one flower girl. My Fiance was married before and they had a 200 person wedding. He hated it. He is a very social person and wasn’t able to talk to everyone. He doesn’t remember the day and felt there wasn’t anything truly meaningful about it.
My best friend (and maid of honor) also had a 200 person wedding. She said if she could do it over again, it would just be 30-50 people. She regrets spending so much time and money (which ended up being spread thin) on people she hasn’t seen very much or at all since!
But these are only a few examples. Perhaps you can meet somewhere in the middle. Two years is a long time and with half the money saved already, perhaps you can see where budgeting a few extra in savings each month will get you. Maybe make a list of those you would TRULY regret not having there and tally it up?