(Closed) Married Bees…how lenient/strong were you towards guests who did not RSVP?

posted 7 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
6892 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2012

I obviously haven’t reached that point yet, but I remember watching Four Weddings and the DJ announced that all guests who did not RSVP had to eat outside…and I thought it was rude. I like your idea of just having an extra table. It won’t cost that much more to buy a few more decorations for the tables and whatnot.

ETA: But my wedding isn’t expensive, so to me it won’t cost much if I needed an extra table. I understand that is not the case for everyone.

Post # 5
Member
10367 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

We followed up with people until we got a yes or no. If they said no, there was not a chair or place for them. For us, it would have cost a lot for the extra table since our catering numbers had to be turned in beforehand, and the chair rentals were very expensive (would have been about $150 for the chairs, $30 for the linens, $40 for the centerpiece, plus dish rentals, favors, menus, etc for the place settings that may not get used, plus the $50/head food and $30 head open bar)

Post # 6
Member
6892 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2012

@LuvMySailor: I agree, but you invite them because you want them there, right? That’s my thinking anyway. Honestly I’d do my best to contact (by phone) those that don’t RSVP and ask them point-blank. I think that will seriously cut down on that happening if you get in touch with whoever didn’t RSVP back to you.

Post # 8
Member
1766 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

We will call everybody who doesn’t RSVP by Monday.  At $110 per person, we can’t add another table just in case someone might show up.

Post # 9
Member
10851 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

We followed up with everyone who didn’t RSVP in time until we got an answer. There wasn’t one we didn’t have a definite answer on. That being said, we had 3 no shows and 3 extra guests, so it sort of evened out. I felt bad that I didn’t have an escort card or place card for those extra guests, but I’m not a mind reader! Thankfully I was able to give the heads up to the head waiter and they squeezed the guest in at the table of the person (people) they came with. Of those three, one was someone who didn’t RSVP properly for herself and her Boyfriend or Best Friend (she just RSVP’ed for herself, I think that was an error on her part), one asked if he could bring someone, we said no, he brought her anyways, and the last was darling Darling Husband telling another guest he could bring a friend and take the seat of someone who had cancelled a week out, but then Darling Husband didn’t tell me. Lovely. Ah well!

No way in the world would I set a whole table for other miscellaneous people. Track them down until you get a yes or a no otherwise it’s going to cost you too much in rentals, food, etc!

Post # 11
Member
1120 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2009

We made our RSVP date far enogh in advance that it gave us plenty of time to call people and get a definite answer from them. Maybe we were lucky and this isn’t the norm, but we had an answer from everyone in time to give final numbers to the venue.

As far as I know, no one that we called thought it was rude or anything – most of them said they had just forgotten to send back the card.

Post # 12
Member
3526 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

We made sure to get a positive answer from everyone before our final counts were due.

I think though in your case you HAVE to get everyone’s information. I think explain to them wehre the wedding is and the nature of why you have to know a yes or no more than anyone else.

My BIL and his wife are both in the AF and even at their smaller base security has gotten VERY strict. My Father-In-Law is a Project Manager with a job on base, on the first day he had to apply for a visitor’s pass and register his vehicle. He drove MILs car that day unknowingly. That car is now registered with his pass so every time he goes on base now he HAS to drive that car or he WILL be turned away.

So I’m thinking it’s pointless for you to set aside a table for non RSVPers bc if they show up I’d imagine they will get turned away at the gate.

ETA: I’m assuming your invites are not out yet? I think you need to state under RSVP that your wedding is on base and if people do not RSVP they will get turned away due to security. Perhaps note this in detail if you have a wedding website?

Post # 13
Member
2907 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

WHAT? We are calling everyone to get an RSVP.

My parents say 10% of people don’t come last minute just because, so I guess if a “no” becomes a “yes” we can put them in the spot that someone else left.

 

Our meal is plated, so we have to know in advance what they’re eating–or no food for them!

Post # 14
Member
5572 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

I’m going to make sure we get an answer out of everyone!! We aren’t hiring a huge amount of people but I’m still anticipating it to be quite some work. I’ll probably delegate to my Mom and Future Mother-In-Law.

Post # 16
Member
3526 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

@LuvMySailor:

Is this a common occurence within your family and friends???

My mom kept telling me that people might do this and I kept telling her that is NOT possible. I NEED to know how many people are coming. Very common in big Chinese weddings. I just kept drilling into her that no mom, people cannot randomly show up the day of. We need to know before if they are coming or not.

I think with any wedding there will be fluctuations in numbers the days leading up to your wedding. Emergencies that come up that prohibit certain people from coming, people who decide last minute they can make it (yes I had relatives call my mom 3 days before the wedding say they are now coming *rolleyes*), the people who you knew would not come but insist they will then tell you mere days after final counts were due that they can’t come and then the no shows. We had 4 random no shows. At the end of the day for me due to the fluctuations we were only down 4 seats, so not the end of the world.

I honestly would NOT worry about setting up a whole seperate table. You will most likely get some random no shows, if anyone shows up randomly w/o RSVPing you can give them those seats. Caterers are used to this they’ll be able to squeeze extra seats in.

But like I said I really highly doubt the base will let someone in not on your final list.

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