(Closed) Married before wedding

posted 6 years ago in Elopement
Post # 4
Member
4676 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I would specify ‘vow renewal’ in formal invites.  As for the shower invites, save the dates and such I would keep them informal.  

Post # 5
Member
2708 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

First of all, congrats on getting married!

You should definitely let everyone know you are married.  You could either send out announcements, or I think including it on the save the dates, would work as well. 

I don’t know exact wording to use on a save the date, but I would say something to the effect that you got married on XX and are now planning a vow renewal or marriage blessing and want to celebreate with everyone.  You could probably word it similar to a normal save thedate, but instead of saying it’s for a wedding just say it’s for a vow renewal.  Same would go for the actual invitation.

Unfortunately I’m not sure you should have any pre-wedding parties (bach. party or shower) since you are already married.  I think etiquette says you’re not supposed to, but I personally think a shower would be ok.  But you’d have to decide if your guests would be okay with it. And I would keep it small.

I don’t really know how they would announce you. I guess just leave out the part about being the new Mr. and Mrs.?

I think you can have a registry (because I’m sure people will ask what you need or want), but I wouldn’t advertise it on a wedding website or anything.  If people ask then you can tell them.

I also wouldn’t have a bridal party and do any of those traditional reception activites (bouquet toss, father-daughter dance, etc.)  I think a “first” dance would be okay though.  And no big-poofy wedding dress.  So basically a toned-down version of a wedding.

Anyway, I hope that was somewhat helpful.

Post # 6
Member
915 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

I know someone who just did this for the same reasons. I am a coworker so she told me but besides that they only told their parents and the brides Maid/Matron of Honor. They want theirawed ding ceremony to still be very special so they aren’t discussing the fact that their marriEd already, she said she just didn’t wantthe fact that they were already married to take away from her big day. 

Anyways, what if you say something like “so and so tied the knot” please come celebrate and share in our formal ceremony.” I think still doing all the ore weddding stuff is fine, but the Bach partiex can just be “girls night out”

Post # 8
Member
891 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

We are legally getting married in March, but we will put the formal wedding invitations as Our Wedding, and not renewal.

We are getting married on paper earlier for practical reasons but everybody has been perfectly fine about it which has been a relief.  I don’t see any problem being married on paper beforehand and then having the wedding ceremony etc. No need for special wordings and such in my opinion. 

Post # 9
Member
5657 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: February 2012

I think you can still have whatever wedding you want. Wear a poofy ballgown and do a bouquet toss if that is what you want. If people don’t like it, they don’t have to come, but seriously I bet most people will feel indifferently. I don’t think you need to tone down the celebration at all just because you got legally married ahead of time.

Post # 10
Member
111 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

Question – why do you feel the need to tell everyone? You just got married for practical reasons but it seems that the ‘real’ celebration of your marriage is the wedding that you are planning. Why you got married when you did is really only your business – if you had not needed your fiance’s insurance you would not have got married when you did – I say proceed as though you are not married and plan the wedding and events that you anticipated prior to your helath issues.

Post # 12
Member
5657 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: February 2012

@pumpkins:  UGH. I hate people sometimes. That is such a stupid reaction. What if you had just had an 8 month engagement and then a “real” wedding? Would that have been “rushing in to it”?? Now they feel like you rushed in to getting legal, even though you needed to get health care!? Why the crap did they tell you they were okay with it and then decide they were not!? That is ridiculous.

Post # 13
Member
891 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@DeathByDesign:  I agree with your post.

 

@pumpkins: Never the less of what they think, I still think you should do the whole wedding shabang the way you want to!

Post # 16
Member
444 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

My fiance and I are doing this (for timing/paperwork reasons, after he is back in the states we have 3months to get married and thats not enough time for everything we need to do wedding planning wise!).  The way we are doing it is the first wedding is just going to be a small thing with my siblings and parents, and its basically going to be the ‘legal’ wedding.  We will fill out all our paperwork and such afterwards, and then continue to plan what we consider our ‘actual’ wedding, also what we call our spiritual wedding.  Thats the big wedding with family and friends, and this is the wedding we are waiting for before the honeymoon and ‘consummating’ and all that.  The first one is for the legal process and the second one we consider our real one.  So you can do it the same way.  I’m sure your loved ones will understand and not even bat an eye!!

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