Post # 1
So my Fiance and I got engaged in May of last year. We started planning our wedding for September 15, 2012. I had some health issues in December. I didn’t have health insurance and my Fiance does (really good health insurance that his company completely pays for). We started to think that maybe we should get married ahead of time. We talked to our parents and they both said to do it. We went to the JOP and got married about a month ago. Some people know about it while others don’t. I feel like we need to tell people but I don’t know how to go about it. There is also the issue with having another ceremony, having a shower, and all that stuff. I’m looking for advice on how we should go about everything. I’m not having a wedding because I want gifts. I actually could care less about the gifts. I want to share our commitment to each other with our families and friends. I want them to be able to celebrate with us. So here are some things I need help with..
Save the date cards
Shower (I know my mom wants to have one for me)
When they announce you as you enter the reception
How to go about telling people we are already married (possibly with the save the dates?)
Gift registry…yes or no or just to people that ask
Anything else you can think of
Post # 4
I would specify ‘vow renewal’ in formal invites. As for the shower invites, save the dates and such I would keep them informal.
Post # 5
First of all, congrats on getting married!
You should definitely let everyone know you are married. You could either send out announcements, or I think including it on the save the dates, would work as well.
I don’t know exact wording to use on a save the date, but I would say something to the effect that you got married on XX and are now planning a vow renewal or marriage blessing and want to celebreate with everyone. You could probably word it similar to a normal save thedate, but instead of saying it’s for a wedding just say it’s for a vow renewal. Same would go for the actual invitation.
Unfortunately I’m not sure you should have any pre-wedding parties (bach. party or shower) since you are already married. I think etiquette says you’re not supposed to, but I personally think a shower would be ok. But you’d have to decide if your guests would be okay with it. And I would keep it small.
I don’t really know how they would announce you. I guess just leave out the part about being the new Mr. and Mrs.?
I think you can have a registry (because I’m sure people will ask what you need or want), but I wouldn’t advertise it on a wedding website or anything. If people ask then you can tell them.
I also wouldn’t have a bridal party and do any of those traditional reception activites (bouquet toss, father-daughter dance, etc.) I think a “first” dance would be okay though. And no big-poofy wedding dress. So basically a toned-down version of a wedding.
Anyway, I hope that was somewhat helpful.
Post # 6
I know someone who just did this for the same reasons. I am a coworker so she told me but besides that they only told their parents and the brides Maid/Matron of Honor. They want theirawed ding ceremony to still be very special so they aren’t discussing the fact that their marriEd already, she said she just didn’t wantthe fact that they were already married to take away from her big day.
Anyways, what if you say something like “so and so tied the knot” please come celebrate and share in our formal ceremony.” I think still doing all the ore weddding stuff is fine, but the Bach partiex can just be “girls night out”
Post # 7
@RunsWithBears: Since I had been engaged for a while I already picked a bridal party and bought a wedding dress. I like simple things so my dress is plain (no beading or sparkle) just a simple A-line ivory dress. I would like to come up with another word for vow renewal. I don’t know why there is just something about it I don’t like. Maybe reaffirmation of vows. I know thats hardly different but I like it more. I’m not one for enjoying being the center of attention so the dances and whatnot I’m fine with not doing. I am a very laid back person so having a toned down wedding should work out just fine. By The Way I am the first to get married in my family and he is the first in his so everything is a way bigger deal than it needs to be. Thanks for your thoughts!
Post # 8
We are legally getting married in March, but we will put the formal wedding invitations as Our Wedding, and not renewal.
We are getting married on paper earlier for practical reasons but everybody has been perfectly fine about it which has been a relief. I don’t see any problem being married on paper beforehand and then having the wedding ceremony etc. No need for special wordings and such in my opinion.
Post # 9
I think you can still have whatever wedding you want. Wear a poofy ballgown and do a bouquet toss if that is what you want. If people don’t like it, they don’t have to come, but seriously I bet most people will feel indifferently. I don’t think you need to tone down the celebration at all just because you got legally married ahead of time.
Post # 10
Question – why do you feel the need to tell everyone? You just got married for practical reasons but it seems that the ‘real’ celebration of your marriage is the wedding that you are planning. Why you got married when you did is really only your business – if you had not needed your fiance’s insurance you would not have got married when you did – I say proceed as though you are not married and plan the wedding and events that you anticipated prior to your helath issues.
Post # 11
I felt perfectly fine about the whole thing until a few weeks ago. I thought that people wouldn’t care and would be understanding. We asked both sets of parents before we went ahead and got married. They were both fine with it. We got our marriage license in the county his family lives in. We didn’t know that would be put in the newspaper. Some of his family saw it and called his parents….not us. They all of a sudden decided they weren’t ok with us getting married. They said we rushed into it and it was a mistake. They said they didn’t think we were serious. It was like a slap in the face because we never would have done it if they weren’t ok with it. I am super upset about the whole wedding but I know we did the right thing. I otherwise would not have been able to go to the doctor and I really needed to. I’m hoping this passes and I will eventually go back to being excited and happy but as for now I feel horrible.
Post # 12
@pumpkins: UGH. I hate people sometimes. That is such a stupid reaction. What if you had just had an 8 month engagement and then a “real” wedding? Would that have been “rushing in to it”?? Now they feel like you rushed in to getting legal, even though you needed to get health care!? Why the crap did they tell you they were okay with it and then decide they were not!? That is ridiculous.
Post # 13
@DeathByDesign: I agree with your post.
@pumpkins: Never the less of what they think, I still think you should do the whole wedding shabang the way you want to!
Post # 14
@DeathByDesign: We had been engaged for 8 months and we have been together for 6 years. I don’t know where the rushing was.
Post # 15
@Westvillebride: I don’t think that we should go out of our way to tell everyone. Some people already know because they saw it in the paper. I wish we would have known that was going to happen and we could have done it in another county or even state.
Post # 16
My fiance and I are doing this (for timing/paperwork reasons, after he is back in the states we have 3months to get married and thats not enough time for everything we need to do wedding planning wise!). The way we are doing it is the first wedding is just going to be a small thing with my siblings and parents, and its basically going to be the ‘legal’ wedding. We will fill out all our paperwork and such afterwards, and then continue to plan what we consider our ‘actual’ wedding, also what we call our spiritual wedding. Thats the big wedding with family and friends, and this is the wedding we are waiting for before the honeymoon and ‘consummating’ and all that. The first one is for the legal process and the second one we consider our real one. So you can do it the same way. I’m sure your loved ones will understand and not even bat an eye!!