(Closed) Married, but still want a wedding.

posted 4 years ago in Ceremony
  • poll:
    Yes : (137 votes)
    55 %
    No : (110 votes)
    45 %
  • Post # 136
    Member
    2404 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: October 2016

    readytobemommy:  I was just chiming in (in agreement with you. Lol)

    Post # 138
    Member
    553 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: March 2014

    somedaygroom:  OMG. EVERYTHING you said is so perfectly spot on. bravo. “a marriage is a legal contract and a wedding is a ritual.” YES YES YES. that and the part about intent are so key.

    Post # 139
    Member
    5224 posts
    Bee Keeper

    j_jaye:  Exactly. If it wasn’t a big deal, people wouldn’t feel the need to lie about it. I find it ridiculous that people think it isn’t lying. People use marriage to game the system, and it’s pretty damn sad. That piece of paper is a HUGE deal. If it wasn’t, people wouldn’t be having secret weddings and then pretending later. Marriage not about a princess day. 

    Post # 140
    Member
    478 posts
    Helper bee

    j_jaye:  The ritual is NOT the legal marriage. The legal marriage involves signing paperwork and saying i take you to my husband/wife. It does not involve anything more than that. Some people choose to have that as part of a wedding ceremony. Some people only do the courthouse thing. Other people choose to do their legal marriage and then have their wedding ritual at a later date. You may be married in this circumstance, but you have never had your wedding ritual, and its not lying to “pretend” like its your first wedding. For some people, their legal marriage is what they consider their wedding, but for others its not, and its not lying to have your wedding later, and call it a wedding. 

    Post # 141
    Member
    6 posts
    Newbee
    • Wedding: May 2017

    deleted for double post. 

    • This reply was modified 3 years, 7 months ago by  ashleyreneej.
    Post # 142
    Member
    6 posts
    Newbee
    • Wedding: May 2017

    I am kind of taken back at how judgmental some of these responses back. Not because some women have certain ideas of what you should call a wedding and what you wouldn’t, but because you are saying you would dismiss someone’s day that they put so much money and time into just because you didn’t know the specifics on what order they did the civil and personal/religious ceremonies. 

     

    My cousin and her husband got married by her youth minister, but she had to be married the next week by a JoP because the pastor wasn’t actually “certified” to do the civil wedding. So would you feel deceived because they did their paperwork the following week?  Maybe this will help with some perspective: if you go tona wedding and the bride is wearing a white dress then you find out she was already living with her fiance, are you going to feel deceived? 

     

    My fiancé and I are Catholic, and of course my priest is certified to do the civil ceremony and we’ve discussed this topic in length with him. Not because I care about any person’s opinion, but because getting married in “the church” and having the sacrimental marriage is important to us as Catholics and doing it right between us and God. This has come up because I live in Alabama and my fiancé lives in Louisiana. He’s a veteran and wants to use his VA loan to buy a house in my hometown for me to live in until our “wedding day,” but the VA has strict occupancy laws and I can’t live in the house by myself as an occupant without the government recognizing me as his spouse. We are deeply considering this for a slew of different reasons, but both agree that we will not be “married” for our definition of marriage until we are brought together in the eyes of our God and our friends and family in the union of Holy Matrimony. My priest even tells me that this affects my ceremony and mass in absolutely no way. Are we going to make sure we post it on facebook? Of course not. Why would we? We will consider our marriage valid after the sacrament. Now if it comes up, will I lie? No, I won’t; I will say we are civilly married, but will not consider ourselves husband and wife until after we have received the sacrament and will not be acting as husband and wife before then (living together, change of last names, etc). As an example: if I have a birthday party a few weeks after my birthday, do I the need to announce to everyone I’ve invited that the date of the party isn’t ACTUALLY my birthday? No, I don’t. I’m choosing to celebrate it at a later date and not bringing it up doesn’t make me a liar or give me ulterior motives; it means I don’t consider it an important detail.

     

    The Catholic Church believes that marriage is a sacred rite that no man can reinterpret, hence why gays are now allowed to get “married” in the church yet now they can civilly. And then with that being said, in my mind, my marriage will begin when I receive the sacrament, no matter if I am civilly married or not, but I don’t disenfranchise others’ marriages who aren’t Catholic; whether they have their wedding on the beach, in the courthouse, etc. Our government is set up in such a way that they recognize the union between two people for legal rights and/or benefits, but that’s really the end of it; it just happens to be historically called a marriage license. There are many people who still don’t believe that the union between a same sex couple is actually a marriage because that’s not how they personally define marriage, yet the government sees them as so.

     

    Remember, ladies… Marriage is just a word; how you define it is up to you. 

    Post # 143
    Member
    308 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: April 2017

    Get legally married then have your WEDDING and you don’t have to tell anyone ANYTHING! you don’t owe a thing to anyone. Happy WEDDING PLANNING!!!

    Post # 144
    Member
    65 posts
    Worker bee

    I think if you want a wedding then you should have one! Life happens and maybe you cannot have the ceremony you want right away or you need be married sooner for personal reasons. I would feel honored that a friend/family would want to include me in celebrating their happiness, whenever and whatever way they are able too. It would not reduce my blessings toward them. And I honestly am a little baffled at why you cannot call it a wedding. To me a wedding is where you “celebrate” your marriage with friends and family, and commit to each other in front of them. Sometimes it includes the marriage ceremony and other times that has already happend. ๐Ÿ™‚

    Post # 145
    Member
    65 posts
    Worker bee

    Just throwing this out here too. Apparently a celebration that is in honor of a wedding anniversary is also called a “wedding”. So bee, you have the support of the Merriam Webster dictionary. LOL

    http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/wedding

    Post # 146
    Member
    36 posts
    Newbee
    • Wedding: April 2017

    YOLO :D!

    Why not? I have several friends who did the Justice of the Peace or somerthing similar for a myriad of reasons and then had their big shindig later…and quite frankly, when they had their “big” day, the pressure was a LOT less because it was all about the fun involved…does that make sense? You have to live with these memories for the rest of your lives…make the best of them and if Miss Manners frowns, tell her to hush up ๐Ÿ˜‰ LOL

     

    Best Wishes!!!

     

    Post # 147
    Member
    6 posts
    Newbee
    • Wedding: May 2017

    5miracles:  it’s funny to you that you call it manners, because I grew up in the Deep South where etiquette mattered, but dismissing someone’s large, expensive event they invited you to just because it wasn’t done exactly the way you think it should have been done would be considered pretty dang rude in and of itself. I hope some of these ladies learn a little more empathy for others and just try to celebrate these couples in whatever way they prefer their guests celebrate them. 

     

    and like several have said, happy planning, ladies.

    Post # 148
    Member
    36 posts
    Newbee
    • Wedding: April 2017

    I was only showing support to the OP. It seems like people like to toss ‘rules’ in someone’s face when all they are trying to do is be happy, and not hurting anyone in the process.

     

    I was raised in the deep south too!–southern California, lol ;). And now I am very happy in DFW–by way of VA, FL, Iceland (yes Iceland) by way of the US Navy when I served :).

     

    My comment was not to flame any one person or ideology–I remember as a kid seeing the “Miss Manners” column in the newspaper–& that’s what I was referring to…if I get invited to any wedding, 1st or otherwise, you can bet I’ll come with bottle of champagne in hand! ๐Ÿ™‚

     

    Best to all ๐Ÿ™‚

    Post # 149
    Member
    6 posts
    Newbee
    • Wedding: May 2017

    5miracles:  no, I was in total agreement with you! Sorry I wasn’t clear. I just meant it was humorous that some people would consider that behavior “manners” while others consider it rude and unnecessarily judgmental. 

    Post # 150
    Member
    36 posts
    Newbee
    • Wedding: April 2017

    ashleyreneej:  here here! Clap clap clap (& a bighug for misunderstanding ๐Ÿ™‚ )

    The topic ‘Married, but still want a wedding.’ is closed to new replies.

    Find Amazing Vendors