(Closed) Married, but still want a wedding.

posted 4 years ago in Ceremony
  • poll:
    Yes : (137 votes)
    55 %
    No : (110 votes)
    45 %
  • Post # 17
    Member
    151 posts
    Blushing bee

    I got married at the courthouse last November and am currently in the process of planning our vow renewal for fall 2017. I had originally planned on having a wedding (and calling it a wedding) down the line but once I started planning it, I thought a vow renewal was a better fit. Everyone knows we are married and we are not trying to 100% mimic a wedding. Everyone is different though, if you want to have a wedding and call it a wedding, then do it. Do what you think is best and what will make you happy!

    Post # 18
    Member
    361 posts
    Helper bee

    Don’t even tell peeps you are married! Who gives a flying fudge if it offends them that you had to rush into a civil ceremony! If anyone gives you crap I suggest you ask them if they slept with or lived with their spouse first and then make a ‘humpfh’ sound and in full view write a note to give them less money on their ‘wedding day’. Ha! Please. If Sally Judgealot would act like your wedding is unimportant or not as speshul as hers (please!) don’t tell the judmental b.  Just have a wedding the way anyone else would.  No one needs to know if you’ve taken care of the legal stuff already.  And if they do I’d ask why.  Would they be sure to make an ugly smug face at your wedding?  Would they give you less money? Would they give you less blessings? Would they not celebrate as much?  If they answer yes – yay they are honest about their horrible judgmental attitude! If they said no then who. the. f. cares?

    Post # 19
    Member
    882 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: March 2012

    Absolutely a can do! Anything is possible especially if you have the means and supportive friends and family! My husband and I did a vow renewal since it took years to finally get to where we wanted to be financially. We were married by Justice of the Peace in the beginning when we were young and for our 10 year anniversary we had a vow renewal. 

    Post # 20
    Member
    1011 posts
    Bumble bee

    freebird:  I really agree with this. There are so many who say you can’t do this, or that, or you should just wait, or this or that. Fiance and I are possibly facing an issue of this. However, as we have both been married before, and had very small, private ceremonies (his parents didn’t even attend his first one) we both know we want something with family and friends and don’t want to end up not having any of that again. My best friend even told me how she had missed my last one (as it was my parents and sister in attendance) and she was coming to this one, regardless if she was the only one there. It depends on the crowd, who you’re inviting, whatnot. At my first one, I had family who refused to acknowledge that I was married since they hadn’t been invited, didn’t get an announcement, and never met my ex husband (even after we got married, he met my uncle, because he was in town. Never would meet anyone else, and always found a reason to avoid any of that). So to all of them, I wasn’t married (which, in a weird way, made sense, to them he didn’t exist and seemed made up). I think people place to much emphasize on what is ok, and what isn’t. If it’s something you want and makes you happy, go for it. If it bothers someone, they can simply not attend (and some have said that people are pressured to attend weddings. Where I’m at and in my family, no one has a problem saying no. In fact, my mom’s cousin who has two kids. Each has gotten married after my ex and I had gotten married (one before our divorce, the other after) we (as in my parents, sister, and I) didn’t get an invite to either, because they hadn’t been invited to mine. Very petty. So my thoughts are they are petty and going to be anyway, so I might as well do what I want, and if they like it, great. If they don’t, oh well. 

    Post # 21
    Member
    893 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: July 2011

    It’s not a wedding because it’s just not.  It’s like you can’t get pregnant when you’re already pregnant.  But have a vow renewal!

     

    Post # 22
    Member
    422 posts
    Helper bee

    futuremrsc2016:  How awful! I hope this time you have a day full of good friends and family who truly care about you and your fiance, not the event details! Unfortunately there will always be people like that, so good for you for just doing what you want. Best of luck with everything, bee!

    Post # 23
    Member
    62 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: September 2016

    Yes, have your WEDDING! And have FUN!! I can never understand why people are against it. I can assure you, if any of my friends or family were in this situation, and invited me to their WEDDING I would be thrilled and excited to go!!!! Enjoy your day! 

    Post # 24
    Member
    1162 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: September 2017

    I would also vote for calling it a vow-renewal and not a wedding. 

    Post # 25
    Member
    906 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2016

    The Knot actually has a great FAQ on this exact topic!

    Post # 26
    Member
    1412 posts
    Bumble bee

    Be upfront that is a vow renewal and not a wedding, because it’s not. You had your wedding, you’re married. Having an event afterwards and not telling people you’re already married is rude and looks gift-grabby. Perfectly fine to have a ‘celebration of marriage’ with a vow renewal, but it’s rude to dupe people into thinking you’re not married. 

    Personally, I’d never attend a destination vow renewal, when I would attend a destination wedding. Plus, I’d give less/nothing for a vow renewal. And ya, I’d think it was gift grabby if you invited me to a ‘wedding’ when you’re already married.

    Post # 27
    Member
    263 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: October 2018

    My Fiance and I considered gerring married in a courthouse and then having a formal ceremony later on. Our financial situation and logistics were really what made us consider it. I see nothing wrong with doing it like that.

    Post # 28
    Member
    1305 posts
    Bumble bee

     

    I would call it a celebration of marriage or a marriage blessing. Nothing wrong with wanting to celebrate with your friends and families! But I think it’s always better to be honest rather than pretend you’re not married 

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