(Closed) Married, but still want a wedding.

posted 4 years ago in Ceremony
  • poll:
    Yes : (137 votes)
    55 %
    No : (110 votes)
    45 %
  • Post # 32
    Member
    1066 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: June 2017

    Do what ever makes you happy. We got married last Nov for reasons probably like yours. No rings or anything just a quick trip to the courthouse. We didn’t tell a soul. He proposed and asked me to marry him infront of our friends and family last month. We planned it this way. It was still a big romantic surprise. We will have a “ceremony of the hearts” for our ceremony and no one will no the difference. The vows the courthouse has you take hardly cover what we would like to vow and decalre to eachother anyway. Even if everyone knew we are already married we still would have the wedding and reception the way we are (minus the publicly announced proposal). It’s not a vow renewal anyway because we sure as hell aren’t saying the same things or vowing the same vows we said at the courthouse. I haven’t changed my name or anything yet. We knew we wanted to get married, we needed to do it fast for personal reasons, we did it, we pretended it didn’t happen in a way, and we proceeded with our lives. Now we are planning our wedding next June and everyone is over the moon excited about it.

    Now if you’ve already taken his last name (espcially on social media and at work) and everyone knows it’s a little different. The I would lean toward vow renewal or just hosting a reception. The bottom line is, anyone who wouldn’t support a friend or family memeber who is finally having the wedding that they wanted in the first place but couldn’t for whatever reason, doesn’t belong in your life. 

    Post # 33
    Member
    1987 posts
    Buzzing bee

    Have a lovely and elaborate celebration–but I think that in these cases honesty is the best policy when it comes to informing your guests that you’re already married.   

     

    Post # 34
    Member
    1119 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: July 2017

    Throw a big reception/party because you have already said vows so it ceremony part seems redundant. 

    Post # 35
    Member
    1243 posts
    Bumble bee

    cblank181:  I think it’s totally ok to have another wedding. And I’m sure you’ll find that your friends and family will want to celebrate with you. I would just suggest that you let people know that you’re already married and this is more a chance to be surrounded by your loved ones. Other than that, girl, have three or four weddings if you want 🙂

    Post # 36
    Member
    893 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: July 2011

    mrsbrizz2017:  I bet everyone wouldn’t be so excited if they knew you were lying.  Your wedding is, by definition, the act of getting married, which you’ve already done.

    Your husband proposed to you after you were already married?  That has to be one of the weirdest things I’ve heard.

    Post # 37
    Member
    132 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: July 2017

    mrsbrizz2017:  

    I agree that OP can have a wedding after the fact AND still call it a wedding, however, I think it’s deceitful and, quite frankly, show-y/in poor taste for your husband to propose infront of your friends and family when you’re already legally married.

    Post # 38
    Member
    982 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: August 2014

    Edited. Commented on wrong post 

    Post # 39
    Member
    11461 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: May 2009

    I don’t think there is anything at all wrong with a couple having a big ceremony with all of the trimmings to celebrate their union even after they are married. My only issues would be with referring to that ceremony as a wedding or not telling your guests that you’re already married.

    Your ceremony and celebration can look and feel for all the world like a wedding and can include a reiteration of the vows you’ve already made; it just technically cannot be a wedding, because the wedding of two people is something that takes place at a specific moment in time, when the two become one. In this case, that moment in time has already occurred, and you have already been joined in marriage. Unless a couple were to divorce and remarry, they technically can only be wed once.

    Post # 40
    Member
    121 posts
    Blushing bee

    I guess I just don’t see the difference. Life happens. My SO and I did the courthouse thing as well in Dec. for the same reasons   We have a child together and other reasons required us to be legally married. We live far across the country from family so we had a very casual courthouse marriage and didn’t tell anyone either (We’ve since told people we are married but it’s not like we shouted it from the rooftops). We plan on having a WEDDING. And calling it a wedding with the entire family. I know plenty of people that have done the same. I don’t see how having a courthouse ceremony when you couldn’t have any loved ones there to having an actual full wedding with guest as “gift grabby.” Whats the difference as opposed to only having the wedding party? It’s not like you expected gifts for your courthouse ceremony and also for your party. I looked at it as paper work and the real ceremony would happen later. Some people have the wedding first then sign the papers days after. What’s the difference? And anyone who is judgy on the fact would not be invited. No one who loves you and cares about you both would even blink an eye because they all want to celebrate your union. All my friends and family insisted we have a wedding. You do what you want. Not everyone goes down the same path and life never happens in a particular order. 

    Kikibear:  We did the same. For reasons stated above, we got married in the courthouse without rings and such. I am just now getting my ring made. He will not propose in front of friends and family but we will be going to a nice dinner when he gives me my ring. Not so weird. 

    Post # 41
    Member
    1837 posts
    Buzzing bee

    Nope. Not okay to have multiple weddings. You had a wedding, you don’t get another. Have a vow renewal or a blessing-of-the-marriage ceremony and celebration (if you must) — but not a wedding. 

    Post # 42
    Member
    147 posts
    Blushing bee

    The same thing happened to my husband and we planned a wedding but things got chaotic and it never happened our one year anniversary is coming up so we plan to do a vow renewal. Honestly at lot of ppl will give you crap about it but it’s your own personal preference on what you and your husband want to do. My old co worker and her now husband got legally married but didn’t have a wedding until a year later.

    • This reply was modified 3 years, 7 months ago by  beba_beato.
    Post # 43
    Member
    13686 posts
    Honey Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 1999

    Have a vow renewal, by all means.  But don’t lie to your guests and pretend that this is a wedding, because you already had one of those — the day you got married was your wedding. 

    FWIW, I would not travel for a vow renewal, and I’d be pretty angry if I did travel to find out that you were already married.  If you’re upfront and call it a vow renewal, I’m all for it.

    Post # 44
    Member
    5224 posts
    Bee Keeper

    knickergold:  I think you summed it up perfectly. It does seem totally gift grabby to have a”secret marriage” and then a formal “wedding”. Why can’t people know?

    Post # 45
    Member
    5224 posts
    Bee Keeper

    joco:  Then why can’t people know you are already legally married? That’s what I don’t understand when people say the people who care about you will support you anyway, but then in the same paragraph mention they didn’t tell anyone they were already married. I think vow renewals are fine(in fact I was planning one of my own, and that’s how I ended up on WB). I don’t even care if you call it a wedding. If you get married in secret and keep that from people though, it’s just shady, and I’m going to assume it’s because you are afraid people won’t open their wallets as wide. 

    The topic ‘Married, but still want a wedding.’ is closed to new replies.

    Find Amazing Vendors