- 7 years ago
I voted “never.” When I was dating Darling Husband, I lived in a trendy downtown apartment building where there were beaucoup gorgeous, good-looking and sexy guys. I mixed and mingled with them every day, at the mailbox, the pool, the fitness center, the lounge downstairs. Though I was friendly with them, I couldn’t have been less interested, and I never questioned that Darling Husband was the one. I never had second thoughts, not in a million years. I only had eyes for Darling Husband.
Back to your situation… I think it’s a little risky to even refer to this guy you know as a “friend,” because based on the way you’ve described him and the way you two interact, there is sexual chemistry. I think to call him a “friend” is a little naive, and it leaves the door open for you to do seemingly innocent things like getting together for coffee, which can lead to trouble. (If you weren’t sexually attracted to him, then obviously, that wouldn’t lead to trouble, but that’s another story.)
This is just me and the way I approach things, so take my advice with a grain of salt. But if I were in your shoes, considering that you plan on moving forward with this marriage — I would put this “friendship” into the “grass is greener” category and let it go. I also feel strongly that you should not try to maintain a “friendship” with this guy, and in fact I would go so far as to pull away and distance myself from him.
I don’t think any good can come from staying “friends” with a man to whom you are sexually attracted, while you’re married to someone else.
Good luck with whatever you decide to do.