- 4 years ago
- Wedding: September 2016
i have been reading your great advices without signing up and i finally i gathered the courage to speak up. i have met my husband 9 months ago, we got engaged a month after meeting up. i know it sounds crazy, however we are both mature (he’s 34y and i am 27y). By the time we’ve met we already knew what we wanted in our lifetime partner. We agreed almost on each and every detail. we met almost everyday and we spoke on the phone till 4a.m. Just to explain how my character is like and that i am a woman of principles and i expect the same. i highlighted my red flags and my turn offs. The impression i receieved from him that he was almost the male version of my personality.
However, during the engagement i experienced major depression due to 2 exes who kept haunting him once they found out that he was getting married. They never stopped contacting him or me. However after threatening them with police, they finally stopped. However it kinda left a bitter taste. It was hard for me to trust him, i began to wonder as to why these women were following him although they knew that they were summers flings. Anyways the more i diggued the more i realized that my husband wasn’t clear with them about not being serious and that is why they were so angry.
Anyways time passed and we moved on, we both prepared for the wedding and it went well. However i started to notice few things like this guy would have any conversation with any female stranger; He recently started a job and out of argument he mentioned how this girl at work took her t-shirt off to show him her new tattoo. And each female client vists him, he always tries to find out what she does and whether she is married or not. Which bring it to last week incident, he got in elvator with this neighbour that i don’t know, and once i opended the door for him he said” wow i didn’t know that our neighbour has phd, she studies so hard that she can’t go to gym” i said why would you say that? he said no it was her who said to him that she wanted to go to gym so badly but she needs to study more. i asked him ” why would you even get too personal?. he got mad
Now 2 days ago, a friend of him messaged him this ” how’s marriage going, are you really faithful now”? and my husband responded with hahaha i am. i was shocked. I asked him why does your friend thinks that? he said that this is how guys talk, they mock each other when one of them get married. although i am not sure why that would be funny.
Anyways today again, he met by coincidence his brother who previously i was in good terms with till he decided to not attend our wedding because of his jealous wife that spreaded some rumours about me and when i confronted her, he didn’t like it. so both of them didn’t attend the wedding although we invited them.
Now my husband’s reaction was completly normal, and he even accepted a ride from them.
So i am all going crazy by myself because i came to a realization that my guy has issues in term of drawing lines, while i felt that he didn’t stand up for me although i was good with his brother and showered them with gifts in every occasion from their baby birth to their birthdays. while in opposite i get rumours, insults and embarassement for not attending our wedding. almost everyone asked about them.
i feel like my husband betrayed me by turning to someone i want nothing to do with. I don’t want an easy man who smiles to every woman and chats with, i don’t want his friends to cross limits when it comes to addressing our marriage, i don’t want him to go back to his brother like nothing ever happened. i understand its his brother and i will never separate them, matter fact i always push him to call his parents and his siblings. But i feel like i deserve a clear statement from my husband defending me and my reputation.
Unfortunately, out of anger i told him that we have been fighting almost every day and i am tired teaching him the basics, i said that i dont want this marriage anymore. When he heard this, he immidiately called his mother and told her about the brother meet up and that i want divorce because of it. His mom ended up calling and asking me to not interfer between the two brother and i should stay away from their problems. I explained to her that it is not among my manners to seperate between two brothers, but he owes me an apology for all the insults as i reminded her of an incident where his brother took advtange of one of our fights just to convince my husband that he is better off without me. him and his wife did their best to not make this relationship work. And what hurts me is that my husband is aware of this, matter fact he is the one who tells me all what they said about me. He didn’t talk to them when they refused to attend to our wedding last month, but that’s not enough for me.
Please help, is this nornal or my marriage is doomed?