(Closed) Married in August 2015 and Really Want a Divorce

posted 4 years ago in Emotional
Post # 20
Member
8266 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

katsc2016:  

Life is so horrible for you at the moment isn’t it? I really feel for you . I don’t know why, but of all the posts about things going  wrong, I feel most touched by yours.  I haven’t  got anything to add to add  really , I’m sorry,  if he wont ( and  you won’t/can’t  go for counselling then  there is not a lot , is there.?

Do you still love him? I mean , if he went back to even half who   he was before you married , would that be enough? Or do you think it is all irretrievably damaged?

Also, I wonder about your son  , or rather your husband and his reaction to actually living with your son , rather than  then before when –  presumably  – he didn’t know what living with someone  with your son’s disability would entail  ?

The refusal with the CPAP machine is such  a pain in the arse, and typical of a lot of men who would ( almost literally)  rather die than admit to or deal with  ‘weakness’. Could you  maybe get someone  else, a male friend  of his or someone to have talk with him about that.

Whatever else , I would  vow to not say anything to him about any of this  , at all . for a set period  of time  ,say a week . Don’t even allude to it  in any way . Try to even put it out of your own mind if at all possible . At the  end of that , if absolutely  nothing  has changed, try for one last talk and if it fails , yes, time  to file for divorce or just move out –  or he moves out  I fear.  It might just be that the ‘week off’ precipitates an  opening  for change though . just maybe.  I do hope so.  

Post # 21
Member
25 posts
Newbee

katsc2016:  I’m so sorry this sounds awful. I have no advice. You seem so well rounded and responsible (journaling your arguments). I think you should run as far away as possible from this imposter and go into counseling to protect yourself in the future. In my experience, passive aggressive behavior is mentally draining and emotionally abusive. Good luck OP

Post # 22
Member
67 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: September 2016

katsc2016:  So sorry to hear this. You seem like such a strong, dedicated mother. Could you move out with a friend or family member temporarily to ease the financial strain and gain some clarity? I know it must be difficult given your son’s situation, but working 80 hours a week on top of the stress going on in your life is not sustainable. Are there scholarships that could help with your son’s education?

Post # 23
Member
225 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2016

katsc2016:  The only other thing I can think of is depression.

I’m very sorry, whatever the reason, and I hope you heal and find happiness whether it be with him or by yourself. You deserve it!

Post # 24
Member
4111 posts
Honey bee

I’m really sorry you’re going through this. It sounds like you’re over the relationship. I’d talk with a lawyer and take the steps towards leaving. *HUGS*

Post # 25
Member
1471 posts
Bumble bee

Did you two move in together after being married?  Maybe the shock of having a wife who’s gone 80 hours per week (plus commuting) and having a 21-year-old live-in son with Aspbergers is getting to him, as well… So he’s like the full-time dad here.  PLUS you’re bugging him about the way he sleeps and have now moved into a 2nd bedroom.

Girl.  This doesn’t sound fun for either of you.

Post # 26
Member
5069 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2017

Deleted..

Post # 27
Member
11744 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2015

The selfish refusal to care about how his choice is ruining your sleep says a lot. I’m not sure how you deal with that. He didn’t seem to care about separate bedrooms. He disappears on you frequently. 

Im not seeing what he’s adding to your life or how you can make a marriage out of whst he’s offering. I’m sorry, bee.

I think one of the most critical things a man has to have in order for marriage to work is a strong desire to make it work and a willingness to treat his partner’s concerns as equal to his own. (I’m sure this is true in reverse but women are socialized to be giving in ways that men traditionally arent.) 

you can’t make a marriage by yourself. 

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