(Closed) MARRIED LADIES, did you have engagement anxiety and how's your marriage now?

posted 5 years ago in Engagement
Post # 17
Member
337 posts
Helper bee

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lynnctobe :  Nope, none of the above! He definitely wasn’t abusive, he was very sweet to me and we loved eachother alot. It just came down to incompatibility in a few important areas, including religious and lifestyle differences. Although we were both raised Catholic, he considered himself agnostic bordering on atheist, while I still practice Catholicism. It didn’t seem like a big deal to me until we were engaged and started actually discussing things like baptising our future kids, and we were not at all on the same page. I also at the time had moved to his home state for a job and eventaully wanted to move back to my home state to be close to my family (I am very close with my parents/siblings as well as extended family).  He was not very close with his family and didn’t see himself moving out of his home state. I guess you could maaaaaybe say that our communication was lacking, since we had made it to engagement without discussing these issues, but honestly I chalk that more up to not actually knowing what I wanted/needed from a life partner and going by my feelings for him, which were obviously love.

I struggled with my decision for almost 11 months before I finally ended the engagement. It was so hard! But when I finally decided to end things, I felt SO much relief and knew it was the right decision. I ended up moving back to my home state and favorite city (Chicago) and stayed single for about a year, though dated here and there. I met my current Fiance almost a year after I broke off my first engagement.  By going through the experience of ending my engagement, I had a very clear idea of what I wanted and needed from a life partner and therefore knew that he was what I was looking for. We got engaged very quickly, at 5.5 months and it has been great. We are in love, but it’s deeper than that- we are compatible in pretty much every way – lifestyle, financial, spiritual, future plans, even sense of humor.  Not that we don’t have our tiffs now and then, but 99% of the time those are due to one or both of us being in a bad mood and that affecting our interaction vs. there being an actual issue. (aaaaand it’s usually me because I’m 12 weeks pregnant lol).

I did still feel quite a bit of anxiety around when my Fiance proposed (I mentioned that in my previous post).  But I was able to attribute most of it to my underlying anxiety disorder, and worked through it with the help of a therapist and medication.

I wish you the best. I remember how awful that time in my life was. Just remember- no matter what you decide, make the decision with a clear head and not from a place of fear (i.e. don’t break up with him just because of your anxiety and don’t just stay with him because you are too scared you won’t meet anyone else).  Send me a message if you want to talk more.

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