Post # 1
My fiance and I are legally getting married tomorrow, our four year anniversary. But we decided a couple months ago to have a church wedding and cake and punch reception in November. We are going ahead and doing the paperwork tomorrow for financial reasons. We want to keep it a secret from everyone except for our immediate family. My mom mentioned that it will be hard to keep it a secret (and I’m bad at them!) and that it is kinda lying about it. We are not doing vows or rings tomorrow, just signing the appropriate paperwork. Anyone have any input? Anyone else done this before? I really want to have my special day and walk down the aisle in November but my parents think we should just do a reception and save the money that we would spend on the wedding (we are paying for it all ourselves).
Post # 3
Go for it! I don’t think it’s "lying" – a lot of people get married legally but still want the religious service for its significance. (Some religions don’t even recognize civil ceremonies.) If you’re paying for it, you get to decide! Just be prepared for your parents to potentially get aggravated for whatever reason and potentially spill the beans, which it sounds like your mom is already contemplating…
Post # 4
I don’t think is lying…I did it. No one ever asked me if I was married so I never had to lie. 😉
I think that a church wedding is as real as signing paper (you sign the church papers, too) so have fun!
Post # 5
I personally think that you should tell everybody what you are doing, but I would totally go ahead and do it. My husband and I are renewing our vows on our 7th anniversary with a ceremony and reception..in fact, it’s going to be a destination ceremony/reception. Just like a wedding without the gifts! LOL. Anyway, I would be truthful with people and have a great time.Good Luck!
Post # 6
There are a lot of posts on this subject, although I don’t know what you would search on to find them. The concensus seems to be that a lot of people have a private civil ceremony, and later have a public ceremony and reception. Your mom is right that it is hard to keep these kind of secrets. You say that you’re doing this for financial reasons. So I assume that you are, in fact, telling someone other than your family – your school’s financial aid machine, your benefits people at work? You will also need two witnesses in most states; and you will need to file your marriage license with the county clerk. So in fact any number of people will have access to the information that you are married, and none of those people have any interest in keeping your secret.
While you certainly don’t have to announce to everyone that you are married, you should expect that in five months it’s entirely possible that people will find out. And it’s also possible that some of those people will feel bad about not having been told, and will talk to one extent or another when you later publicly "get married." There is actually no particular reason (IMO) to deceive people into thinking that your second ceremony is about anything but your desire to share your commitment with family and friends, and possibly before you ask your immediate family to help you in keeping this secret (which is a situation it sounds like your mom might be uncomfortable with) you should figure out why you think it’s necessary to hide it from everyone.