Post # 1
Hi bees, I’m getting married in a few months with my Fiance but we have been living together for the last 1.5 years. For you ladies who lived together with your partner before getting married, does your relationship dynamic at home change at all after you got married? We have been keeping our finances entirely separate, but apart from that I feel like things won’t feel different once we’re married, because we pretty much already have the life of a married couple anyway.
Let me know your experiences on this please (assuming that no kids come into the picture yet). Thanks ladies!
Post # 2
Nothing changed for us at all, apart from the fact that I started calling him my husband and vice versa. 🙂 And the additional ring on my finger and cute wedding photos to look at.
Post # 3
daisydee: I’m wondering this too!
Post # 4
daisydee: Same as PP. Nothing really changed.
We moved in together after 4 months, so we had been living together for a while when we got married, plus had been in our house for almost a year.
Post # 5
We had been living together for over 2 years by the time we got married, and now we’ve been married for almost a year. We’ve merged our finances more, and I changed my name, but the biggest difference to me is just an added layer of security for our relationship. We declared in front of all of our close friends and family that we’re in this for the long haul, and told the government that too. So while ending a relationship is a big, tough, and awful decision regardless, I like that now it would be even more difficult, and we have even more incentive to try to work things out if they get really tough.
Also the way we talk about kids is different now, more concrete, though we’re not planning on TTC for 3 years. We’ve been together for almost 4 and over all that seems soon to me!
Post # 6
daisydee: I’ve not been married long, but things did change for us. i think it was really when we combined all our finances and I got my name change. It really does feel now like we are more of a team. We talk to each other more about spending, goals, etc. like how we used to just use our own cars now we try to use mine as much as possible becuase it has better gas mileage. And how i used to just buy cute clothes periodically and not give a second thought – this month I had the thought “oh we had to buy him some new pants for work, I better hold off on getting that dress for now.”
i Like it. he’s changed a little too. he’s much more open to my interest in books like Love Languages, etc. he still thinks it’s cheesy as hell but he’ll at least humor me with trying to do some of things the books suggest;) I think we both have the feeling of “ok, we got married, let’s try and figure out what that actually means!”
Post # 7
daisydee: Nothing changed at all for us, whatsoever.
Post # 8
daisydee: we had been living together for 3 years by the time we got married and not much changed…its been nearly a year since the wedding and we still havent combined finances and I havent yet changed my name, lol!
Post # 9
I anticipate yes. I think we’ll both feel more secure and settled (I’ve heard that from a lot of married friends who lived together, some for 10 years!) , our finances will combine, our last name the same, and the single life chapter will officially, finally be closed. Legally and otherwise. I’ll be a wife! Even though the day to day will look the same outwardly I think there will be an internal shift. Engagement/cohabition is just not the same as marriage.
Post # 10
We have only been married a week, but it doesn’t feel very different so far. They only major differences are that we are more intentionally loving towards each other and I will be changing my name in a couple of days. I have also been thinking more in terms of “ours” rather than his/mine.
Post # 11
It doesn’t feel any different for me. We lived together for 2 years before the wedding, had already merged our fianances, and already thought of ourselves as a team. We shared a car, made all our life decisions together. We have been married a month and its the same as it was before in our daily lives. The only real changes for us are circumstantial, wearing rings, calling each other husband and wife, and eventually the name change. We are in our thirties and we knew very early on we wanted to spend our lives with each other. When we made that decision, we did all the big things like merging finances, living together, etc. I think its a very personal thing that is different for everyone.
Post # 12
No, nothing changed other than my last name. Our finances were separate, but we always shared money and helped each other out so combing was a breeze. I’ve always felt very secure and settled. The plan after one month of dating was to marry. We dated 5 years due to finishing up school and lived together one year before the wedding. We were always a team. Everything big/major had been settled long ago. Even moving in together had been a breeze without a lot of hiccups.
Post # 13
Nothing changed for us. Even our finances are still separate (just our preference and the way we will keep it).
I think expectations lend a lot to whether things will change or not. If a couple is having some issues and expects marriage to magically fix it they are going to be very disapointed. If the husband and wife have fun, healthy, individual friends and hobbies and one of the parties expects that to go away once they are married so they can spend more time at home – that will probably cause some resentment and problems.
In general, if you expect nothing to change you will find that nothing will change and you will probably be just fine with it 🙂
Post # 14
Darling Husband moved in after we got engaged. When we got married, things… stayed the same. The only difference is now I call him my husband. We already got along great. We have not yet merged finances but plan to do so after an upcoming relocation.
Post # 15
I think we felt more of a shift once we got engaged. At that point we were living together for a year, and after getting engaged our relationship felt more secure and bonded. The only thing that has really changed since getting married is what I call him. We haven’t changed our finances and I haven’t gotten around to changing my name, but even doing those things won’t make me feel different.