(Closed) Married Life: What changes between you and your spouse?

posted 10 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
5398 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

I don’t think your friends are trying to make you feel badly.  I kinda hate when people ask me this question because I don’t know how to answer it.  Honestly, things feel the same between us, but I think people expect a little more than that for an answer.

Post # 4
Member
469 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2008

I agree with Lillindy – we were married in November, and really, our feelings haven’t changed that much.  I think now there’s more of an emphasis on "getting our ducks in a row" so we can do the family/house purchase thing, but really, it’s still just us.  Then again, we’ve beeing living together and have shared one bank account for the last 3 years, so we didn’t expect anything earth-shattering.  It’s actually really nice – we’ve settled into a routine, we know what to expect, and we’ve really started looking at where we want to be in 3 or 5 years.  I would never say to anyone "You’re so lucky you’re still single" because I wouldn’t trade in my hubby for anything, but at the same time, for couples that have been dating for a while and have moved in together, the whole marriage thing really just adds a layer of security and commitment and "realism" to what you’ve already been doing.

Post # 5
Member
2695 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2008

My husband said he doesn’t feel like its that different, but I really do!  There is something so amazing to me about being so committed to him.  Knowing that we stood up in front of all of our friends and family and vowed to be there for each other through it all.  Knowing that we can and will work through whatever comes our way.  I guess it depends if you felt that 100% committed before marriage, but I know I didn’t. More like 95% and that 5% was big for me 🙂 I think when my husband went through the process of deciding to propose, he might have mentally gotten there before me.

I also love him even more now than before we were married.  I think being married is awesome!!!  And I think its different in a way that is hard for me to verbalize….

Post # 6
Bee
1048 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2009 - City Hall

"Omg, I hate the "how’s married life" question". Might be even worse than "so when are you going to start a family?"

I’m not even marreid yet, but I KNOW it’s coming. We already live together. We own our cars together. We share our finances. We eat homecooked meals together. We plan our schedules together. What am I supposed to say to "how’s married life?" LOL. While I think there will be an emotional high for a while due to the celebratory nature (cutesyness of the name-change and all that), I don’t see a big change coming myself, either.

Post # 7
Member
2695 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2008

omg marquisemiss you are SOOO right.  It is a really annoying question and you get it ALL THE TIME!!!  Its like people feel obligated to ask. 

Post # 8
Member
2025 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

I have just hit the 1 month mark, and have been asked about 1000 times how the married life is. It’s annoying, especially because I can’t answer "Its amazing!" I think I am in the same boat as your friends….we didn’t live together before the wedding, and I think it is just a time of adjustment and compromise and a little stress. Besides the fact that you just spent the most time and money and energy you will ever on a party, you are also having to move (stressful), figure out finances and housework, and just get into a new routine where you are not the boss of everything in your life. The changing of your name can be a little sad (which I was not expecting), and where you once got to pack to go visit your man (which makes it feel like you are going somewhere – exciting!), you are now just hashing it out for closet space. I love my husband more than anything, we’ve been together 7 strong years, and I can’t imagine being with anyone else, but I think for a lot of us who are making the move after the wedding, it is just a lot to take in all at once!

Post # 10
Bee
1048 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2009 - City Hall

I think that when you move in together, regardless of whether you’re married or not, it’s a huge change. It can be awesome because you two get to be together more and share a home together, but it’s also very stressful and often a time of many disagreements regarding who takes care of what, who pays for what, who goes where, and when, who comes over or who goes out, and what you do with your downtime (among many other things). So, It’s definitely a learning experience, and it CAN be great, provided that you’re open, honest, and willing to communicate and compromise.

Post # 11
Member
68 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

Marriage was a HUGE change for us because we didn’t live together beforehand.  It’s an adjustment, but for us it was a good adjustment… we didn’t have any problems learning to live together.  We thought our first year of marriage was exciting because everything was new!

And the "how’s married life?" question didn’t irritate me.. I always was excited when someone asked me because it gave me a chance to gush about my new hubby. 🙂

Post # 12
Member
2030 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

WE lived together for 3 years before getting married, and to us, being married is VERY new, exciting, and different! We are more of a team now. We keep things more private – whereas before I might have run to complain to my girls during a fight, now I keep those details private. Arguments are less scary now because we know that we will work it out and not break up. It also forces us to solve issues sooner rather than later because the stakes are so high. And we’re super happy together, so yes being married is awesome!

Post # 13
Member
756 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

I’m not married yet, either, but at least I know I won’t have to deal with the "when are you going to start a family" questions for a while. I’m only 22, so I surely hope no one is going to be asking us that too quickly. Give me five years at least.  Some of my family is probably under the impression that I don’t want kids, since for a long time I was sure I didn’t and very vocal about it. I do think I’ll want them eventually…but I’ll not tell the family that for a while. 🙂

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