Post # 1
Member
67 posts
Worker bee
Hello Bees! Well just wanted to say I’m finally married! And very very happy… Me and my husband have had this awesome connection now that we didn’t have before… Also we are living together for the first time ever and everything is so new and incredible that every day I’m just happier and happier… We’ve being married now for a month!!!
On the other hand, me and my mother (Who lives in Venezuela mainwhile I live here in Florida – West Palm Beach) used to be incredibly close… All the wedding planning part… We easily could skype 2 or even 3 times in a day (I work from home and so does she) so we were in contact all the time, for gossip, for good or bad news…
Since I got married things have being changing slowly in a very odd way… You see I’m a very consecuent person, I’ve being calling my mom the same as before getting married, but more and more she seems to be disconected, not picking up and even not returning my calls… We’ve even had days when we don’t talk at all, or only talk through the family group and all about politics… Is anyone experiencing the same? What should I do? She is making me feel bad with myself. What should I do? I kind of insinuated this to her… But for me is hard to confront rejection so even tho I can be supper open about almost anything I can’t be honest and normal when I’m dealing with rejection feelings… HELP ME 🙁
Post # 2
Member
9519 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
Not sure what you mean by divorcing your mother. She probably just wants to give you space to start your new marriage. Talk to her about it. It sounds like you have had a strong relationship until now. his does not sound like rejection, just that she expects your new husband to be your new priority.
Post # 3
Member
1640 posts
Bumble bee
Relationships with your family of origin change once you get married. It doesn’t mean she doesn’t love you or is rejecting you, things have just changed. It’s totally normal and healthy. I wouldn’t put too much thought into it other than you might have to grieve your relationship with your mother because what it used to be is no longer. Just focus on making a life with your husband. You are lucky that she is giving you space, some people have the opposite problem.
Post # 4
Member
134 posts
Blushing bee
atalibrandi : Hi! Do you speak spanish? I ask you this because is my main language and because you said your mom lives in Venezuela, I thought you speak this language and I could post my answer in spanish.
Post # 6
Member
67 posts
Worker bee
kristin36890 : Maybe you are right… Probably you are… But I’m just so sentive about this kind of things… We don’t have much friends here where we live (Actually we have none… Is supper hard to make friends in US) and I work from home… I’m a photo editor so I can work perhaps 1 or 2 hours a day and the rest I’m just sitting there… So I don’t need that much space… It only feels lonely.. I feel it almost like she is punishing me like… Oh you got married… now be married and stop being a baby… Which well I don’t love… you can’t force a person to grow in a day…
Post # 7
Member
67 posts
Worker bee
theatrejulia : Probably you are right… But her new attitud towards me just leaves me feeling lonely… My husband works from 7 am to 6:30 pm and I’m a freelancer who works from home… Is just weird to be alone all day and now also not having her to talk to…
Post # 8
Member
134 posts
Blushing bee
atalibrandi : Perfecto. Por lo que describes, veo que tú eras muy apegada con tu mamá y tienen una relación de, digamos, complicidad entre ustedes y justo ahora que inicias una nueva etapa de tu vida, ella se ha vuelto “distante”. No creo que sea exactamente un “ah, ya te casaste, me abandonaste y ahora te aplico lo que en mi país (México) le conocen como ley del hielo”, sino que le impactó (no para mal) el hecho de que ahora eres una mujer casada y quizá piensa “wow, mi hija ya creció y ahora tiene a su esposo, sus prioridades han cambiado”. Fue como un shock, pero es algo temporal que pasará con el tiempo.
Si quieres romper ese hielo, te aconsejaría que le escribieras un correo o un mensaje de WhatsApp que dijera algo así como “Hola mamá, ahora que ya me casé me siento muy feliz con mi esposo y me la paso fenomenal, pero eso no quiere decir que yo dejaré de quererte ¿y sabes por qué? porque eres mi madre y gracias a Dios y a ti estoy aquí, viva, en este mundo. Quiero que sepas que te quiero mucho, ahora y siempre y que, así como sé que tú estás para mi, yo estaré para ti, pase lo que pase”. Y ella, en su interior, reaccionaría y diría “ella siempre va a ser mi hija” y estoy casi seguro de que te llamará o te responderá
Espero de corazón que te funcione y muchas felicidades en tu primer mes de matrimonio. =)
Post # 9
Member
27 posts
Newbee
Hey fellow bee! This one is easy. Call your mother and tell her your concerns and how things are affecting you in the most loving way possible. Be open and honest using words like “I feel” or “this makes me feel”and be careful that your tone doesn’t go into accusation territory. Above all, make clear how much you treasure your relationship with her and that you do not want to lose that. If you can’t get her on the phone then text, email or write her these thoughts.
Post # 10
Member
47427 posts
Honey Beekeeper
Have you asked her if there is anything going on in her life that you don’t know about? Tell her that miss your talks.
Post # 11
Member
3501 posts
Sugar bee
atalibrandi : ¿Sabes algo? Viendo todo lo terrible que está ocurriendo en tu hermoso país, tu mamá debe estar bajo una profunda tensión. No me parece que esté alejándose emocionalmente de ti; más bien el clima político y toda la violencia que está viviendo la ciudadanía tiene su efecto. Yo te sugiero que seas generosa y que entiendas que dada la situación, el estado anímico de tu mamá debe estar afectado; es algo totalmente natural. Nadie en Venezuela está ajeno a las tensiones; actualmente nadie en Venezuela está llevando una vida normal. Yo en tu lugar procuraría tratar de ayudarla en la medida en que te fuera posible; son tiempos difíciles los que se están viviendo allá. Ojalá Venezuela vuelva a ser el lindo país que conocí.
Post # 12
Member
739 posts
Busy bee
I hear all the time on the Bee that your relationship with your parents changes when you get married, well that isn’t true. You only become more distant with your family if you choose to.
I have no idea why the relationship with your mum would need to change now that you are married vs in a serious relationship.
Your mum probably feels like she doesn’t want to hassle you in the weeks after the wedding, maybe she feels like you would want to prioritise your husband now or perhaps there is something else going on with her.
Continue to call her, let her know you miss speaking to her daily. She will come around, this is a change for her also.
Post # 13
Member
134 posts
Blushing bee
claroquesi : Toda la razón. Este era un punto que olvidé mencionar, pero es cierto, la situación en Venezuela está caliente y afecta a todos en su vida personal. Justo por eso es importante que su mamá sepa que ella va a estar a su lado, aunque sea a la distancia, pero presente. Saludos!
Post # 14
Member
3501 posts
Sugar bee
thecodifier : ¡Muchos saludos a ti también!
Post # 15
Member
13784 posts
Honey Beekeeper
If she’s really not picking up or returning your calls, I’d ask if you have unknowingly done something to upset her that you don’t know about. But it’s very possible that the wedding planning was the focus of all those calls, and you are just getting back to a new norm, which may be different from your preference. I also think there’s a possibility that she’s just giving you some space as a newlywed or that she’s spending time catching up on a lot of things in her own life that she put on the back burner now that the wedding is over.