Married my husband – Divorced my mother?

posted 3 years ago in Family
Post # 2
Member
9525 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

Not sure what you mean by divorcing your mother. She probably just wants to give you space to start your new marriage. Talk to her about it. It sounds like you have had a strong relationship until now. his does not sound like rejection, just that she expects your new husband to be your new priority.

Post # 3
Member
1719 posts
Bumble bee

Relationships with your family of origin change once you get married. It doesn’t mean she doesn’t love you or is rejecting you, things have just changed. It’s totally normal and healthy. I wouldn’t put too much thought into it other than you might have to grieve your relationship with your mother because what it used to be is no longer. Just focus on making a life with your husband. You are lucky that she is giving you space, some people have the opposite problem.

Post # 4
Member
134 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

atalibrandi :  Hi! Do you speak spanish? I ask you this because is my main language and because you said your mom lives in Venezuela, I thought you speak this language and I could post my answer in spanish.

Post # 8
Member
134 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

atalibrandi :  Perfecto. Por lo que describes, veo que tú eras muy apegada con tu mamá y tienen una relación de, digamos, complicidad entre ustedes y justo ahora que inicias una nueva etapa de tu vida, ella se ha vuelto “distante”. No creo que sea exactamente un “ah, ya te casaste, me abandonaste y ahora te aplico lo que en mi país (México) le conocen como ley del hielo”, sino que le impactó (no para mal) el hecho de que ahora eres una mujer casada y quizá piensa “wow, mi hija ya creció y ahora tiene a su esposo, sus prioridades han cambiado”. Fue como un shock, pero es algo temporal que pasará con el tiempo.

Si quieres romper ese hielo, te aconsejaría que le escribieras un correo o un mensaje de WhatsApp que dijera algo así como “Hola mamá, ahora que ya me casé me siento muy feliz con mi esposo y me la paso fenomenal, pero eso no quiere decir que yo dejaré de quererte ¿y sabes por qué? porque eres mi madre y gracias a Dios y a ti estoy aquí, viva, en este mundo. Quiero que sepas que te quiero mucho, ahora y siempre y que, así como sé que tú estás para mi, yo estaré para ti, pase lo que pase”. Y ella, en su interior, reaccionaría y diría “ella siempre va a ser mi hija” y estoy casi seguro de que te llamará o te responderá

Espero de corazón que te funcione y muchas felicidades en tu primer mes de matrimonio. =)

Post # 9
Member
31 posts
Newbee

Hey fellow bee!  This one is easy.  Call your mother and tell her your concerns and how things are affecting you in the most loving way possible.  Be open and honest using words like “I feel” or “this makes me feel”and be careful that your tone doesn’t go into accusation territory.  Above all, make clear how much you treasure your relationship with her and that you do not want to lose that.  If you can’t get her on the phone then text, email or write her these thoughts.  

Post # 10
Member
47278 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Have you asked her if there is anything going on in her life that you don’t know about? Tell her that miss your talks.

Post # 11
Member
3145 posts
Sugar bee

atalibrandi :  ¿Sabes algo? Viendo todo lo terrible que está ocurriendo en tu hermoso país, tu mamá debe estar bajo una profunda tensión. No me parece que esté alejándose emocionalmente de ti; más bien el clima político y toda la violencia que está viviendo la ciudadanía tiene su efecto. Yo te sugiero que seas generosa  y que entiendas que dada la situación, el estado anímico de tu mamá debe estar afectado; es algo totalmente natural. Nadie en Venezuela está ajeno a las tensiones; actualmente nadie en Venezuela está llevando una vida normal. Yo en tu lugar procuraría tratar de ayudarla en la medida en que te fuera posible; son tiempos difíciles los que se están viviendo allá.  Ojalá Venezuela vuelva a ser el lindo país que conocí.

Post # 12
Member
741 posts
Busy bee

I hear all the time on the Bee that your relationship with your parents changes when you get married, well that isn’t true.  You only become more distant with your family if you choose to.  

I have no idea why the relationship with your mum would need to change now that you are married vs in a serious relationship. 

Your mum probably feels like she doesn’t want to hassle you in the weeks after the wedding, maybe she feels like you would want to prioritise your husband now or perhaps there is something else going on with her. 

Continue to call her, let her know you miss speaking to her daily.  She will come around, this is a change for her also. 

Post # 13
Member
134 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

claroquesi :  Toda la razón. Este era un punto que olvidé mencionar, pero es cierto, la situación en Venezuela está caliente y afecta a todos en su vida personal. Justo por eso es importante que su mamá sepa que ella va a estar a su lado, aunque sea a la distancia, pero presente. Saludos!

Post # 15
Member
12632 posts
Honey Beekeeper

If she’s really not picking up or returning your calls, I’d ask if you have unknowingly done something to upset her that you don’t know about. But it’s very possible that the wedding planning was the focus of all those calls, and you are just getting back to a new norm, which may be different from your preference. I also think there’s a possibility that she’s just giving you some space as a newlywed or that she’s spending time catching up on a lot of things in her own life that she put on the back burner now that the wedding is over. 

 

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