Post # 1
As the title says, I am curious if anyone changed names after married and then decided to change it back to your maiden name? Not because of any troubles brewing, but just for your identity, or any other reason besides divorce?
I have been married for about 20 months now, and having super serious regrets over changing my name.
I am stil using my maiden name in my career, even though everything else is the married name. But I really just HATE it, and want to go back.
Did anybody do it without any hassles? Or does anyone regret changing your name after marriage, but decided to leave it even though you dont like it?
Post # 2
What’s your husband think?
Post # 3
twright4770 : Have not done this. The legal name change process is such a hassle so I dont think I would.
If its important to you, go for it.
Post # 4
- Wedding: June 2019 - Turkey
In my country there’s no option not to take your husband’s name whether it’s only his or yours and his unless you actually go to court after marriage to go back to the maiden name. Now that I’ve payed a lot of money to renew my identity, passport etc. I really don’t want to go through another one of those. But daym, I wish I didn’t have 2 names.
So yea didn’t do it, but likely in the future.
Post # 5
twright4770 : you should be happy with your name, but I would talk to your husband about it just to prevent any hard feelings. My Mother-In-Law started using her maiden name again a few years ago (supposedly to make it easier to connect with old classmates and such) and while she was using both names the sudden change caused a few hurt feelings. Again – your name, your call, but I would just give him the heads up.
Post # 6
I am right with you!
I hate the name situation for many reasons. And I didn’t even really take his name but took it as a second last name. And people feel entitled to just call me by one name of their choosing which is almost always the last last name which happens to be his.
Anyhow, my situation is somewhat different as I am a GK holder and will apply for Naturalization in a foreseeable future. That application form offers a legal name change with the completion of the process which makes things easy. I won’t have to do much besides picking up a new drivers license. I never changed my documents back home in Europe to begin with
I don’t know how to go about it but if you aren’t happy – and I totally can relate – go for it. I am assuming your husband knows about your struggles so it won’t be a surprise. Everyone else but him doesn’t count. After all it’s about your happiness and in the end it’s just a name. (Mine does anyways and he wants me to change my name already so he doesn’t have to hear about it anymore) After all it’s changing your name, it’s not rocket science – just annoying paperwork.
Post # 7
In my home country, there is no custom of taking the husband’s surname. Several people just assume I’ll take my fiance’s surname but there’s no straightforward provision in law to do it in my home country. I looked into surname change just out of interest and the process would be so cumbersome, that I dropped the idea. I imagine it would be a nightmare to change one’s surname in any country, but if it is important to you, then you should go ahead.
Post # 8
I’m going to disagree with pps. You absolutely do NOT have to get your husbands permission to change your name. It is YOUR name and YOUR identity, and his opinion should not factor into what you do with this.
That said, it sounds like a huuuuge hassle to go through changing it. But if it’s been causing you stress for the past 20 months, then a bit of hassle is probably worth it!
Post # 9
jellybellynelly : Absolutely. This is about your identity and it’s not up to your husband or anyone else to tell you what surname you should have.
Post # 10
My aunt did! It went just fine and was the right choice for her.
Post # 11
- Wedding: August 2018 - Location
jellybellynelly : yes this – no permission or whatever required. When we were getting married my husband indicated that he would have liked me to take his last name, but I have my reasons for not wanting to change and he accepted that. It’s MY NAME after all.
He doesn’t really care it’s just a slight preference for tradition to have a family name with the kids and all. But he hasn’t brought it up since.
Post # 12
Thanks all for your responses!
slomotion : his first response was “but its tradition, and if you don’t have my last name it’s like we arent even married”. I told him he can take that Little house on the prairie ownership BS right on over there ~~~>
And then I kindly said it has nothing to do with us being more or less married because of a name, and after I explained how I feel, he said he was happy with whatever I decided to do.
betyl : Im with you, i don’t like the 2 name option.. my 2 last names would be all kinds of [email protected]
jellybellynelly : I second that emotion!! Did not ask for permission, nor will I. If I do it, he will just have to accept it.
jayrock : so you never changed your last name?
Thanks to anyone else who chimed in. It really is just a matter of personal preference, and I am not intending to slight my husband at all. I just dont like it and since all of my career is still maiden name, it wont be too hard to adjust right back. I spoke to social security office, since this is the first place we always have to start. They told me I can just come back with my original marriage license that shows my maiden name, and they will reissue my card. I then go to DMV..and from there nothing left but to change all accounts.. but not like y’all bees don’t already know the red tape.
We are going to the Bahamas for Christmas, so I will at least wait til after that trip to change my driver’s license. Can’t afford to deal with a new passport this close to traveling.
Thansk again bzz!
Post # 13
- Wedding: August 2018 - Location
twright4770 : No, I never changed my name and don’t plan on it.
Post # 14
twright4770 : “his first response was “but its tradition, and if you don’t have my last name it’s like we arent even married”.”
Haha, going by that definition, nobody in my home country is married because as I mentioned there is no custom of taking the husband’s name.
I would have liked to add on my fiance’s last name to mine but since citizens of my home country can’t just do that after marriage, I was told it was going to be a very long and difficult process and I don’t think I’ll bother.
Post # 15
I did! It was no hassle- just one form! Because it was before I changed all my other docs. I hyphenated but in the end it just didn’t feel right. I still use my hyphenated surnme for social things, but formally i’m back to being just me, and I love it. (And Im very happily married by the way!)
Oh and my H did not care at all. He knows it’s not about him, and he wants me to be happy. I’m very happy I changed it back.