Married name back to Maiden name? Without divorce.

posted 2 weeks ago in Married Life
Post # 2
Member
9820 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

What’s your husband think?

Post # 3
Member
146 posts
Blushing bee

twright4770 :  Have not done this. The legal name change process is such a hassle so I dont think I would.

If its important to you, go for it.

Post # 4
Member
834 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2019 - Turkey

In my country there’s no option not to take your husband’s name whether it’s only his or yours and his unless you actually go to court after marriage to go back to the maiden name. Now that I’ve payed a lot of money to renew my identity, passport etc. I really don’t want to go through another one of those. But daym, I wish I didn’t have 2 names.

So yea  didn’t do it, but likely in the future. 

Post # 5
Member
7897 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

twright4770 :  you should be happy with your name, but I would talk to your husband about it just to prevent any hard feelings. My Mother-In-Law started using her maiden name again a few years ago (supposedly to make it easier to connect with old classmates and such) and while she was using both names the sudden change caused a few hurt feelings. Again – your name, your call, but I would just give him the heads up. 

Post # 6
Member
658 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2018

I am right with you!

I hate the name situation for many reasons. And I didn’t even really take his name but took it as a second last name. And people feel entitled to just call me by one name of their choosing which is almost always the last last name which happens to be his. 

Anyhow, my situation is somewhat different as I am a GK holder and will apply for Naturalization in a foreseeable future. That application form offers a legal name change with the completion of the process which makes things easy. I won’t have to do much besides picking up a new drivers license. I never changed my documents back home in Europe to begin with 

I don’t know how to go about it but if you aren’t happy – and I totally can relate – go for it. I am assuming your husband knows about your struggles so it won’t be a surprise. Everyone else but him doesn’t count. After all it’s about your happiness and in the end it’s just a name. (Mine does anyways and he wants me to change my name already so he doesn’t have to hear about it anymore) After all it’s changing your name, it’s not rocket science – just annoying paperwork. 

Post # 7
Member
255 posts
Helper bee

In my home country, there is no custom of taking the husband’s surname. Several people just assume I’ll take my fiance’s surname but there’s no straightforward provision in law to do it in my home country. I looked into surname change just out of interest and the process would be so cumbersome, that I dropped the idea. I imagine it would be a nightmare to change one’s surname in any country, but if it is important to you, then you should go ahead.

Post # 8
Member
6600 posts
Bee Keeper

I’m going to disagree with pps. You absolutely do NOT have to get your husbands permission to change your name. It is YOUR name and YOUR identity, and his opinion should not factor into what you do with this. 

That said, it sounds like a huuuuge hassle to go through changing it. But if it’s been causing you stress for the past 20 months, then a bit of hassle is probably worth it! 

Post # 9
Member
169 posts
Blushing bee

jellybellynelly :  Absolutely. This is about your identity and it’s not up to your husband or anyone else to tell you what surname you should have. 

Post # 10
Member
538 posts
Busy bee

My aunt did! It went just fine and was the right choice for her.

Post # 11
Member
1577 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2018 - Location

jellybellynelly :  yes this – no permission or whatever required. When we were getting married my husband indicated that he would have liked me to take his last name, but I have my reasons for not wanting to change and he accepted that. It’s MY NAME after all. 

He doesn’t really care it’s just a slight preference for tradition to have a family name with the kids and all. But he hasn’t brought it up since.

Post # 13
Member
1577 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2018 - Location

twright4770 :  No, I never changed my name and don’t plan on it. 

Post # 14
Member
255 posts
Helper bee

twright4770 :  “his first response was “but its tradition, and if you don’t have my last name it’s like we arent even married”.”

 

Haha, going by that definition, nobody in my home country is married because as I mentioned there is no custom of taking the husband’s name.

I would have liked to add on my fiance’s last name to mine but since citizens of my home country can’t just do that after marriage, I was told it was going to be a very long and difficult process and I don’t think I’ll bother.

Post # 15
Member
85 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: March 2018

I did! It was no hassle- just one form! Because it was before I changed all my other docs. I hyphenated but in the end it just didn’t feel right. I still use my hyphenated surnme for social things, but formally i’m back to being just me, and I love it. (And Im very happily married by the way!) 

Oh and my H did not care at all. He knows it’s not about him, and he wants me to be happy. I’m very happy I changed it back.

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