(Closed) Married now – Should I throw out stuff from old boyfriend(s)?

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 32
Member
1021 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

I can’t imagine throwing away pictures! When I was younger, I loved looking through my mom’s old pictures, including ones of her highschool boyfriend.

You’ll cherish those pictures when you’re older and can look back on those times in your life. It’s not just about the guy you were with, it’s about you and your youth. I would hang on to them. 

Post # 33
Member
11267 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2012

i am not a sentimental person so it’s not difficult for me to toss old stuff from exes.  i sold all of my old jewellery and threw out all old pics.  (the pics where i looked damn good, i cut him out.  lol)  

the only things i did keep are household items.  example:  a digital meat thermometer that i got in my stocking one christmas and i use it all of the time.  not a romantic gift but practical.

Post # 34
Member
2966 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

I keep asking my mom to throw away my prom pictures. She refuses! I’m like…but he’s in there! Needless to say, once the relationship is over, all feeling/love/sentiment disappears. Sh:t is out the window for good. Presents too, I can buy my own stuff thank you very much. 

I don’t need reminders of anything. It’s already in my head, it doesn’t need to be in my house too. 

Post # 35
Member
3696 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I still have a few things my ex got me.  But my husband doesn’t know he got them for me – it’s just stuff.  Anything romantic or that was sentimental I got rid of (like the roses he gave me on our first date – tossed, the stuffed animal has been destroyed by my mom’s dog).  Returned the last birthday present he gave me and threw my promise ring back at him.  🙂  Pictures of us are still in some old albums, sure.  I didn’t sort through everything and toss it – those trips still happened, he was a part of my life for 5 years!  But whenever I come across something that looks too mushy, I toss it.  I’m not going to erase 5 years of my life, but I don’t need reminders in my married life that there was someone else first.

Post # 36
Member
11231 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

View original reply
@winstonchurchill:  +1

Anything from my exes got tossed immediately after the breakup. What purpose do they serve?

Post # 37
Member
2440 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

@Sunshine09:  It really depends no you and your guy. If I walked in on that, I wouldn’t be furious (you can see how that happened) but, like your husband, I would be bent out of shape. I guess you could try to weigh how much it hurts or bothers him for you to keep them against how much it would hurt or bother you to toss them. Though I really don’t understand what purpose it serves to keep stuff like that (unless the guy passed away or something). Hold onto the memories, let go of the guy, and let go of the stuff, is kind of how I see it.

Post # 38
Member
488 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

I JUST went through this also! Fiance and I just moved in together and I couldn’t bring myself to throw out my 2 other serious relationship “boxes” of stuff. I have no romantic attachment to them, but like 

View original reply
@ForeverBirds:  said, I always envisioned having a daughter and showing those notes and pictures to her and telling stories about my first boyfriends and what not. Also, one of those boyfriends was in my life all 4 years of high school, so its hard to cut him out of all those pictures when he was with me and my friends in them.  It’s more of a sentimental nostaglic thing for me, it was my chilhood/adolescence. 

As of now, those 2 boxes are still at my parents house. I have no problem getting rid of the kissing pictures bc I don’t need to see that. But somethings I still would like to keep.

Post # 39
Member
2440 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

ps- I would honestly demand that Fi got rid of any intimate photos- including kissing. Don’t fuck around with me, dude. How do you think me seeing that stuff makes me feel?

Post # 40
Member
3419 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2014 - Manhattan Church Rec Center

you burn it. or take it to the shreader. 

Post # 41
Member
56 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

I say throw it out. I would not want to find a picture of my fiance and his ex. When my fiance started dating, I kept one picture of my ex and I. I told him that I still had it, just for memory’s sake. One day, I was going through old stuff and I came across that picture. I started feeling immensely guilty, wondering how I would feel if my Fiance hung onto something like that. I threw it out, and I told Fiance about it later. He admitted to me that he was glad I got rid of it, and he always wondered why I kept it.

 

I don’t really see a reason to keep personal things like that….but that’s just me.

Post # 42
Member
1306 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

As other PP posted, I would only keep things that serve a purpose….tv, lamp, clothes etc. Sentimental stuff and kissy pics should go, IMO.  The only sentimental stuff I’ve kept were broculhures and scenicnpics from vacations because I want to remember that I went there…..not about the guy so much.

Post # 44
Member
1478 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2013 - Creek club at ion, SC

Im with the throw it out camp. Throw it out, in my eyes doesnt mean youve forgotten but that youve moved on. You can most certainly remember things without having photos of it. To my mind, clinging to the photo when the person is gone is holding on to a little piece of the relatiionship. 

Ex- husband with children involved is the exception. For their sake

Post # 45
Member
765 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

I just don’t understand why you would want to keep it even after the break up–let alone now that you’re married. I can definitely see why your hubby would be bothered. If I were him, I’d wonder why you would  hold on to the past if you’re happy on the present…

how would you feel if the held on to mementos from his exes? 

Also, how would you feel if you had kids someday (assuming you want them) and they found the photos of you kissing someone who isn’t their dad? Even if it was before you met your hubby–your kids might have trouble understanding that (Or why you held onto it). Kids get into things…I know I found stuff of my parents they never wanted me to find. 

Exes are exes for a reason. I recommend leaving the past where it belongs–in your rear view. 

Post # 46
Member
9681 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

@Sunshine09:  Absolutely. I was with my ex-FI for nearly 10 years and I have no traces of him left. I have moved on and I don’t need any connection to him. I did this well before I got engaged, let alone married. I would not like Fiance to have pictures of him kissing his ex. I would find it weird and feel there was still some attachment/pining away on his behalf.

ETA: no one can take your memories or the learning you have gathered from your exes, but I don’t know why you would need physical reminders of them. If I were your DH, I would wonder if you were truly happy with our present if you were still fussed over your past. I broke up with my ex-FI, took time to get over it fully (including throwing all his stuff, pictures, letters, etc. in the garbage where they belonged), and then started dating.

The topic ‘Married now – Should I throw out stuff from old boyfriend(s)?’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors