(Closed) Married now – Should I throw out stuff from old boyfriend(s)?

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 47
Member
50 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

I’m with the keep it camp.  I have a box of mementos from past relationships, that I plan on sharing with my daughters someday.  I loved seeing pictures of my mom with her old boyfriends before she met my dad!  Everyone has a past, it’s weird to me that some of the bees here would rather pretend they didn’t!.  I vote to put it all in a box, throw it in the attic, and don’t touch it till you want to share with your adult children/grandchildren.  They’ll be old enough then to appreciate your life and former loves. 

Post # 48
Member
1326 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

Yes, throw them out! Or seal them up in a box and put them in the best hiding spot you can possibly imagine!

But I’m in the tossing camp.

Post # 49
Member
9681 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

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@mignonette:  I’m not sure my husband would be comfortable with me happily showing pictures of my exes to our children. I know different things work for different people, but that concept seems very foreign to me :-

Post # 50
Member
4522 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

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@Duncan:  +10, THANK you.

My boyfriend is THE most rationale, steady man I’ve ever met…and if he saw old pics and letters like that, you bet your boots he’d expect me to toss them.

Put the shoe on the other foot, OP: how would you feel if you saw pictures of your Boyfriend or Best Friend kissing his last girlfriend? I’m guessing not too great…

Post # 51
Member
1722 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 1998

I’d pitch it. I don’t hold onto anything from exes and I have the same expectation of my husband. Usually because I’ve noticed that people holding onto them aren’t doing so for the nostalgia – they’re doing so because they can’t let go of the past, they still have feelings for the ex, etc. I don’t have time for that nonsense. If your partner didn’t know you were holding onto that stuff, I can’t claim that the fact he’s upset is shocking.

Post # 52
Member
442 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

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@MrsPanda99:  Same here.

 

If my mum or dad decided to sit me down and tell me all about their previous relationships and showed me photos/letters, I would find it weird and disrespectful to my other parent.

 

To the people who are planning on doing this; why do you assume that your future kids will be interested in your past relationships? To assume that seems a little bit self-absorbed, to be honest.

 

Post # 53
Member
850 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

I wouldn’t keep kissing photos or lovey notes. I have kept cool postcards, non-lovey mixtapes from boyfriends (friends and family too) and of course prom pics and the like from high school because in 20 years that stuff will be HILARIOUS. 

Post # 54
Member
9681 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

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@MaryKay14:  I would say to my parent, “that’s nice. Didn’t you get over it before you got married?” Ugh, that would be awful, lol.

Post # 55
Member
50 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

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@MaryKay14:  I dont think it’s weird at all.  My grandma showed me love letters her boyfriend wrote her during WWII while he was fighting in the Pacific.  He died in the War, and I’m so happy she kept the letters to show me and my sisters.  My grandpa could care less… it was 70 years ago.  Of course she was over it when she married my grandpa.  To me, it seems beautiful and helps me see my grandma as a person, and not just a grandma. 

 

Whatever floats your boat guys!  Hard to imagine your husbands will still have problems with it in 50 years.  And the pictures/notes might make you laugh and remember how it felt to be young and in love when you’re in your 70s!

Post # 56
Member
50 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

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@MaryKay14:  I don’t think it’s self absorbed to assume that someday, someone in your family might want to know just a little more about you.  People research their families genealogy and stories all the time.  I don’t see how this is any different. 

Post # 57
Member
442 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

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@mignonette:  When the previous person died, it’s a different thing all together.

 

And the pictures/notes might make you laugh and remember how it felt to be young and in love when you’re in your 70s!

The implication being that OP is not in love with her husband?

Post # 58
Member
50 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

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@MaryKay14:  I never said the OP wasn’t in love with her husband, so I’m not sure where you got that.  Just because you get married doesn’t mean you never ever loved anyone else?  I would be so sad if I had to get rid of the little notes from my first boyfriend.  Seeing them makes me think about being 15, having the summer be full and in front of me, and being in love and doing crazy things together.  Of course I’m over him, and absolutley love my husband.  I just like the memories of being young and having your whole life ahead of you that these mementos evoke.

Post # 59
Member
667 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

Yes. I (imho) firmly believe that fully investing in a relationship is hard to do when you are constantly reminded of an old flame.

For that reason, I have thrown out EVERYTHING ever associated with an ex. So did my husband.

Post # 60
Member
1784 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

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@FatherTed:  I totally agree with this.

 

I only keep the nice jewerly.

Post # 61
Member
442 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

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@mignonette: I get the impression that OP is still fairly young, so therefore she has experienced being “young and in love” with her husband. All I’m saying it that she shouldn’t need mementos from exes to remember what it was like to be in love when she’s older, as she surely has plenty of memories like that with her husband.

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