(Closed) married vs. single girlfriends

posted 12 years ago in Married Life
Post # 3
8375 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

Er, i had a friend tell me (ater she was engaged) that she was SOOOO jealous i was engaged first (she’d been with her guy 6 months and i’d been with mine over 3 years, so it was sort of a no brainer my engagement was coming), she had trouble with wedding stuff. It’s really sad to hear a friend can be so jealous they can’t get over it.

I have single and married girlfriends but most of my married girlfriends don’t really see their friends more than every few months it seems. They’re too wrapped up being married to meet for lunch or even return an email and it sucks. My single friends are still game, though!

Post # 4
25 posts
  • Wedding: October 2009

One of our groomsmen told another friend that he doesn’t want to hang out with my husband or the other married guy in their group anymore because he’s a single guy.  My single girl friend told me she sees where the groomsman is coming from but she wouldn’t take it that far. 

When I speak to single friends, they tell me it gets lonely and they want the companionship.  I feel like when friends get married, the single friends think about their own lives even more and wonder why they havent found someone. 

You sound like a really good friend too.  I wouldn’t do any more than what you’re doing now.  It’s her thing to deal with, especially you still try to make time for her and you dont go on about being married.

Post # 5
1770 posts
Buzzing bee

Hm..I’d be sensitive about it.  Jealousy is terrible but atleast she was honest with you.  I think maybe including her in things or just doing girl things would help.

Post # 6
3968 posts
Honey bee

I know in my younger days, I actually thought my married friends needed (and wanted) more space.  So, while I’d think of my friend(s), I wouldn’t call them because I figured they were busy with their hubby’s.

There could be a lot going on – her feeling the loss of the friendship to your husband – or maybe she’s got a lot of things going on.

I don’t think you friend’s response is typical.  But, if she’s having issues with her singleness (or whatever else she might have named as why she’s feeling jealous), then either try to let it go or balance it out with who she is.  Some people mature on different levels.

Being one of the last single girls in my group of friends – I will say that my married friends who have managed to maintain a friendship with me with and without their husbands is the type of friend I aspire to be when married.

Post # 7
5 posts
  • Wedding: September 2009

Yeah, had a similar situation with one of my bridesmaids. She was a former college roommate and we’ve been fairly close even if we didn’t hang out too much. She basically never showed up to my rehearsal dinner (she had another wedding to attend), bridesmaid luncheon, or the brunch (even though I told her I was counting her in and I had to pay for her and she even told my mother she was definitely coming)! 

The best part was that she never even gave me and my husband a gift! I mean not even a card or acknowledgement. I basically had let it go but was very short with her afterwards. I was ready to just let the friendship die, but still, I wanted to call her for her birthday to wish her well. She never called me back! So i called her on that and emailed her and basically let it all out…like what’s the deal–I said I never thought she was the type to not give a gift. I guess she didn’t like that, but honestly, I was gonna let it go until she had the nerve to ignore me! I never reallly was able to talk about my wedding with her (she’s single, so I didn’t want to rub it in) so I didn’t! She never acted that way before, it’s like she’s a totally different person! I mean I’ve let it go, but it’s the not knowing that gets you. Like, what did I DO to YOU?! I’m convinced she’s jealous and just wanted to end the friendship herself! Good riddance! Who needs “friends” like that!  It’s sad, but what can you do!

Post # 8
319 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

I think a lot of women and men go through this. I had a couple girl friends stop asking me to go out and do things during my engagement. I finally confronted the ring leader and she said that I had a good man and I shouldn’t want to go out anymore….WHAT?

Both girls were bridesmaids in my wedding but I’ve distanced myself and I know that it was jealousy talking. I’m not being sensitive anymore. Wanting things for yourself is one thing but being envious and letting that show is another. I know it’s hard but sometimes you have to let people dwell in their misery. Don’t let it bring you down.

Post # 9
144 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

I was the LAST of my friends to get married so I was the single friend for a long time.  Since I had very few other friends that were single, I had no choice but to keep hanging out with the married people.  I agree with oracle that I often figured that my married friends were too busy to want to hang out.  But I made the effort anyway.  The biggest pain was that many of them would never do anything without their SO. 

On a side note, the best advice I’ve had was from my mom, and she said, I always figured that anything I said to my friends, they would just go home and tell their husbands anyway.  So just act like they’re not there.  And I think that outlook really helped me stay close to my friends, even after they got married and wanted to do married people stuff (like I do right now). 

From the single girl perspective, I’d say one of the best things to do is to do things alone with your girlfriends, and not bring your husband along often (or at all).  Being married now, I have to remind myself that not EVERYONE loves my hubby as much as I do, and people that were my friends and even family like some alone time with me sometimes.

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