(Closed) Married w/ a house & suddenly have a roommate!

posted 5 years ago in Home
Post # 3
Member
384 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

I’d talk to her about it. It is obnoxious of her to rearrange everything without discussing anything with you first. Your  house, your rules. It’s best to stay well clear on discussing religion when you guys believe different things or, as you’ve seen, it tends to lead to fights. If you find it just isn’t working even after talking to her, it’s probably best to find a new roommate. Hopefully there would be a way to tell her that won’t stop her from being your friend (if that’s what you’d still want).

Post # 5
Member
2781 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@photojunkie:  You want to kick this girl, whom you requested move in with you, out because she likes to organize the shared living space and believes in god?

I’m sorry but you are coming across as quite immature and judgemental. I get not wanting to have a roommate when you’re married, but you asked her to move in, she didn’t ask you. I also understand choosing to not be religious, but you shouldn’t be judging and faulting those that choose a different religious path as the two of you.

We all get to pick for ourselves what we believe in or don’t believe in. 

ETA: It may very well be your house, but when you have a roommate move in certain spaces become shared spaces. Those are: the bathroom, shower, kitchen and living room.

It sounds like this girl was simply trying to make some space for her items and that required some organizing.

Post # 7
Member
1685 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

Just to get a little more clarity…

Do you have a housing contract with her?  In terms of kicking her out, even if you don’t have a contract, it will take about 3 months to go through legal avenues to evict her. 

If you don’t have a housing contract, I would get one written up right away.  It will protect both her and you.  And it will set up a guideline of when she can leave.

Does she pay you rent?  I think she should.  In the very least, then she can justify having her own space.

I would discuss space with her.  She might feel like a guest in your house, and the rearranging thing might just be her trying to be helpful.  If you give her her own space, (drawers, cabinates, area of the tub, etc), she might stop touching your stuff because she won’t have a reason to. 

Since it seems important to you to keep her as a friend, don’t bring up the religious arguments when you are talking about her staying with you.  It might come off as harsh; “You are living with us, I own this house, so you have to believe what I believe.”  I know that’s not how you mean it, but she might misunderstand your intentions.

Instead, whenever the topic comes up, just say you aren’t comfortable discussing it, and switch it to something else.  If she persists, say that you value your friendship over getting into an argument over something petty.

Post # 9
Member
11752 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

If she doesn’t have any lease with you then just tell her you’d like her to move out in x days.  I’d give her at least 60-90 days though so she has plenty of time to find a new place.

Post # 10
Member
2587 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2014 - UK

Is she paying rent to you? I kind of think this has to be handled carefully, because if she’s paying rent, really it’s her home too, so she has a right to be allowed to rearrange things – she can’t pay rent, but act permanently like a house guest and not touch anything, that’s not fair.

Would it help to assign certain cupboards to each other to do with what you like? That way she can have her stuff the way she wants, and you can have your stuff the way you want.

Post # 12
Member
1685 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

@photojunkie:  I think you misread what I wrote.  I didn’t accuse you of bringing up religion.  I was merely trying to say that you need to seperate the two issues when talking to her.  Otherwise she might misunderstand your intentions towards making this work. 🙂

Post # 14
Member
4803 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

From what I read your first thread was closed because you started insulting and name calling everyone who gave you an opinion you didn’t agree with…even though you asked for opinions. So I’d keep that in mind and try not to get angry and lash out whenever a poster doesn’t agree with you, no one agrees with us all the time! Just like what is going on with you and your friend right now.

Sounds like you need the money, and honestly it doesn’t sound like anything she is doing is bad enough to warrant a serious discussion or kicking her out. Religion is a hot button issue – I simply don’t bring it up or discuss it aroudn relatives or friends I know don’t agree with me. And just tell her to stop moving your stuff and rearranging things, because it’s annoying when you can’t find your stuff. Unless she’s rearranging to make room for her stuff because you guys didn’t really give her space for any of her things – I don’t know that’s what is happening, just saying it’s a possibility.

All roomates are going to have some quirks that annoy you, so you need to decide what the best option is…continuing your comfortale lifestyle and dealing with her quirks that annoy you, not having the roommate and continuing your comfortable lifestyle but having to go back to work, or not having the roommate and not going back to work but having to be more careful with how you spend your money.

The topic ‘Married w/ a house & suddenly have a roommate!’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors