Post # 1
So the whole day was a rush, way to fast (Oct. 1 wedding day). Thank goodness my photographer arrived at 6am to start catching memories! Anyway, we had a wonderful, perfect, very fast wedding day 🙂 So we left immediately after the reception to head halfway to our 8 hour away destination. We arrived super tired (of course) and passed out for 6 hours, then continued our drive. We were practically high with happiness. Mooning over each other and laughing every second. We went to Mackinac Island, MI for our honeymoona and our arrival was a blur as we were still exhausted…Anyway, we had a great time still just loving each other. We’ve always been good about expressing our feelings. But then, the last night when we were there I pulled out my final sexy lacy outfit. All our sex issues (too many to name and none too big, just all added up they are a disaster) came out on the honeymoon. They culminated on this night and nothing happened. My overly expensive outfit came off and my new wife went to sleep just like nothing had happened.
I was furious! These issues are ones I knew exhisted, we’ve discussed them and both of us are in counseling separately to deal with past events that caused them. But why did they have to come out on our honeymoon! Was it too much pressure to have perfect sex while on our perfect honeymoon after our perfect wedding?
Anyway, we had to get up and run on our final morning. My dear wife wasn’t feeling well and I was pissed (as I always am when I don’t get to resolve an issue before bed. So my frustration was building until I tried to talk to her about what was bothering me. This was the beginning of our 8 hour drive home. This lead to a HUGE EPIC fight. For about the next 5 hours. Stuff that should never be said was totally said and I admit I was the one to start it. I had all this pent up anger. I missed most of the beauty of our Northern Michigan drive and once I got started I was like a derailed train.
So we were able to make up and I apologized for my ridiculous behavior. We held hands and chatted the last 3 hours home. We even stopped to get apples at a roadside stand! So then we get home and (Of course) it’s a huge disaster. Presents everywhere, cats threw up on our new bedspread, messes all over the place. Not to mention that we had like zero clothes b/c we spent the last week in hotels. So out of the blue Wife starts SCREAMING at me to help with the clothes and put the f’ing mail down and help. This gets totally outta hand and I realized our wedding was over and that’s IT. We got one last box of gifts and she told me not to open them because laundry was the most important. I lost it and started to sob uncontollably. So this lasted most of the night with her getting pissed b/c I was crying and eventually I got mad. She went to bed and fell asleep, again like nothing happened. I was left awake to finish all the laundry and everything that came out of the dryer was soaked and hand to be hung up all over out tiny apt. I was so upset about the last 36 hours I got little sleep and am back at work again this morning, while she got a good 8 hours of rest.
Is this what marriage is like? Or were we just stressed? After all the ups the week before, were we due for a major down? This is just not like us. We were both so excited about marriage and the next steps after (buying a home, having a family of our own). Were we just blowing off steam? I guess I’d normally just get over it and move on but the fact that it happened on our honeymoon really upsets me. Today she is all apologies and I’m having trouble accepting that. Any advice?
Post # 3
Weddings are stressful and honestly so are vacations. I’m sorry you didn’t have the best honeymoon, but soon everything will be better once the messes are gone, the bills are paid and you’re back to normal.
Post # 4
I am sorry that this happened and feel for you guys 🙁 it’s not the best situation to be in. Did you guys have any sort of counseling for the sex issues before the wedding? Just wondering here.
I think maybe a big thing that caused a lot of issues here was expectations. Everyone expects their wedding and honeymoon to be perfect. When it’s not I think emotions get high and people get upset and the garbage comes out.
I am not married yet but soon will be. It sounds like you guys will be ok… IF you resolve this now. I am glad you’ve admitted what was your fault and are wanting things to be better and your new wife seems to want the same thing… that’s huge!
In all my counseling experiences with my fiance, we have our issues, but sometimes pulling someone unbiased and willing to help into the situation can help loads. I think you guys should consider seeing a professional counsellor to help work through what happened and how to restore your marriage and happiness. It CAN happen. Trust me, been there done that. My fiance and I are now fine but we may not have been if we hadn’t received help from our pastor. There is hope!
Post # 5
Marriage is full of ups and downs. You have to deal with the other person’s moods that you cannot always anticipate. Yup it can be hard at times, when you expect things to go one way and they go another. The thing is, when your partner does something to upset you, and then apologizes and means it, the best route is to accept that apology and move on. You kind of have to, unless you want to be miserable.
Post # 6
I can’t imagine that this ISN”T the norm after a wedding. You were stressed, tired, you spent way too much time in the car, and the rollercoaster of wedding planning is suddenly over and now life is supposed to SNAP! go back to normal.
Give it a few days. Start slowly unpacking and finishing the laundry, get something good to eat, and begin cleaning up. Once your chores are done, I bet you will start to feel better – both of you.
As for the sex stuff, I think that a lot of couples put a lot of pressure to have ‘perfect sex’ on their wedding night/honeymoon nights. Don’t let that ruin the experience of the honey moon. If you are having issues as a couple in that area, try to go see someone! Or start talking it out without yelling. You can make it…if you both didn’t want to be together and make it work, you never would have exchanged vows.
Post # 7
We had a HUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGE fight on our wedding night. And then again after one month. I mean these were FULL ON BLOW OUT WARS. We weren’t even like this before the wedding! We had aboslutely NO memorable wedding night. And infact our ‘so-called’ honeymoon period was riddled with arguments, anger, resentment, etc. etc.
We were ready to call it off BOTH those times. OMG! It was INSANE!!!!!!!
But here we are now… 2 months total since the wedding and we couldn’t be happier. They WERE wedding related stresses. Even though we were fighting about ourselves, our sex lives, etc. I realized that we both had pent-up anger from the people and events from our wedding. We were totally compressed during the last little while of the wedding. And just took it out on each other. The honeymoon is supposed to be the ‘decompressor’, however as you can see, it doesn’t always work that way.
You will be FINE. Just leave it all in the past and live from this moment onwards. You BOTH will feel ashamed and embarrassed of these fights in the near future. Because these are totally ridiculous fights. When I read your post, I felt like I could have written it.
Post # 8
Im so sorry that you are having these issues… I think Stress is a major factor and it has been proven that you too can talk about it and move forward so I would talk to her about it again.
HUGS AND GOOD LUCK
Post # 9
No such thing as a perfect wedding and perfect wedding night sex 🙂
Keep communication lines open and focus on forgiving and forgetting. Some time when you guys have a better grip on your sexual issues and your new relationship dynamics, maybe you can plan a little get a way and do a “do over” of the honeymoon.
Post # 10
@SimplyChic11: I think you hit it on the head: expectations, when not met, can be the biggest firestarter of anything.
I’d chalk it up to stresses from the wedding and pressures you’re putting on yourself and each other due to those aforementioned expectations. Communicate with each other and respect boundaries–if one says “I’m too stressed to talk about it, I’m overwhelmed” the other needs to respect that. Disappointment sucks, but it’s all about how we react to a perceived situation and, usually, it’s not the other person’s fault at all because when we building this expectations, we seldom communicate them much less get the other person to agree to them.
Good luck, deep breaths, and keep talking to those counselors. You’ll make it 🙂
Post # 11
Thank you all so much for the advice 🙂 I put this up then talked to my best friend (who just married last March) and put the same question before her. I talked to my dearest friend who I call my Sober Mother. All of you agreed that expectations are killer and that’s probably what caused all of this. I talked calmly to my wife and we agreed we were both being silly. We accepted each other’s apologies and agreed to go back on our honeymoon next year. We cleaned the apartment, starting unwrapping gifts and feel a hundred times better! Thank you all! xoxo
Post # 12
I’m glad you are feeling better. No need to pressure yourself to have perfect sex. You have a long life together ahead of you. Plenty of time for outfits etc, don’t worry about it 🙂
Post # 13
Yay! I am so glad you guys are doing better. Have a wonderful start to your marriage 🙂 🙂
Post # 14
- Wedding: October 2011 - Tre Bella, Mesa, AZ
Aw, I just wanted to give you giant (((hugs))). Our wedding was definitely stressful (I started crying on the way to the venue with my mom driving me [NOT happy crying]). My wife & I both passed out the night of the wedding when we got to the hotel because we were so exhausted. 🙂 I’m glad you both talked and worked it out.
Post # 15
I was so exhausted after our wedding and 9 hour flight to the honey moon we spent most evenings watching csi and eating wotsits in bed lol. It was not very romantic at all or playing chess in the bar. As I’ve said before I got married very young and it took me quite some time to adjust to being a wife! Needless to say we have the best sex ever now, so chin up, it was just the stress. Now you’ve had the first big husband and wife argument you can settle in to happy life together!!
Post # 16
Thanks for posting this. I think its health to remember that after the wedding, the real work begins. I think you’ve received some great advice. Best of luck to you moving forward.