(Closed) Married with Coworker Crush

posted 4 years ago in Relationships
Post # 31
Member
1452 posts
Bumble bee

How would you feel if the roles were reversed and your husband told you EXACTLY what you wrote in your OP?  That he does not want to end his communication or stop hanging out with his female coworker, that he feels immense sexual attraction towards her and it seems she does too and he often wonders/fantasizes about what might have happened if he stuck around late at night just the two of them.  

Seriously, how would you feel?  If your answer is, you don’t really care and it doesn’t bother you that much/or at all that your husband feels this way about another woman and then you have a HUGE problem with your marriage and relationship that goes beyond this work crush.  

You are playing with fire and you won’t be the only person to get horribly burned by pursuing this “innocent crush.”

Post # 32
Member
5916 posts
Bee Keeper

Cheekie0077:  Thank You sweetie 

sunnierdaysahead2:  A really powerful message from someone who has experienced this first hand. I hope the OP reads this and realizes the potential damage that can be done. Sorry you had to go through that honey. 

Post # 33
Member
2966 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

You know what you have to do, even though like a PP said you seem to want your cake and eat it too. Recognize that the grass is not always greener (in fact it rarely is). Work on your current relationship so in the future you can easily brush this off and never think of it twice…let alone make a post about it to get the OK of online strangers. 

Post # 34
Member
2734 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

If you aren’t willing to cut contact with a “crush”, I think that speaks volumes about your marriage.

We can all fall victim to a crush. It’s natural to find others attractive. But those who are 100% committed to their partners would do anything to make sure it doesn’t go further than the initial attraction. You are not willing to take those steps. Think about what that means in your relationship.

Post # 35
Member
424 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

anonasker737:  you should watch tyler perry’s movie temptation

Post # 36
Member
5 posts
Newbee

I’m going to come at this from a different angle, as I have also had a couple of “coworker crushes” in the past and I’m in a very healthy and happy relationship. 

At this point, this is a fairly new friendship, you’re physically, and maybe even intellectually, attracted to him.  These feelings will pass in time.  Unless you’re prepared to pursue something more with this guy, his feelings about you do not matter.

The best advice I can give you is to keep things professional, and don’t put yourself in any situations that you will regret later.  Take a step back and really figure out what it is that attracts you to him…you will probably find that it’s more about the “new” attention you’re receiving and not so much the guy himself.  I think it’s pretty normal to crave that attention when you’ve been in a relationship for a long time where that type of attention may be lacking a bit as a couple tends to get a bit too comfortable and content with each other over time.  Focus instead on what may be missing in your relationship, the grass is always greener where you fertilize it. 

Post # 37
Member
2394 posts
Buzzing bee

embarassed123:  This.

OP, crushes are totally normal. The grass often looks greener on the other side. What you need to ask yourself is this: is a true relationship with this coworker (someone who is smart, attractive, but willing to flirt with a married woman, and potentially cheat on his girlfriend) better than my loyal faithful husband who I love and married? Beyond that, is he worth throwing away the past 10 years of my life, everything that my husband and I have built together, and all of our future plans and dreams for? I think you know the answer is No. Every time you feel yourself slipping into “the grass might be greener,” just remind yourself of how wonderful your life with your husband is and of all the future plans you have made together. They’re not worth throwing away on a fleeting feeling. 

Sorry you’re feeling this way OP, and good luck.

Post # 38
Member
2923 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2017

RobbieAndJuliahaha:  Thank you. Even though I found out about things in October 2014 and we broke up in November 2014, the OP’s post really struck a nerve with me and brought me back to that time.  I am pretty certain that’s how things started with my ex.  He loved the attention from the new girl (and she was a new coworker, which made matters worse because he helped train her) and they traveled together, so they spent many evenings hanging out, getting to know each other.  He also liked the chase because it was exciting and new.  But, in the end, he obviously was willing to throw away everything he had with me.  I really hope the OP sees how something like this can escalate so quickly.  As my ex told me, he didn’t “mean” to develop feelings for her, but he didn’t do anything to stop it either.

OP – one last thing.  You said you’ve been with your husband since college, 10 years total, right?  I have heard from so many people that the “7 year itch” really is a thing.  Maybe in your case it’s 10 years, maybe it’s because you haven’t been with anyone else since you were in college.  Regardless, you need to recognize that and look and see what’s missing in your relationship with your husband.  You should not want to keep a friendship with this crush.  You like the attention – and that’s normal – but you really need to step back and see what’s missing.

Post # 39
Member
642 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

anonasker737:  It’s definitely normal to have attraction for other people. Acting on those feelings of course is a receipe for diaster especially if you are in a commited relationship you are trying to maintain.

I’ve been in a LDR for the past 3 years, and been in graduate school for 4. For sure, I felt attracted to a number of classmates, and even a recent colleage, but those feelings passed, especially after realizing we would not be compatible, etc. 

Love the one you’re with! If we really acted on every attraction we ever had.. I shudder to think about that >.< 

Don’t throw away what you have with your husband for a moment of temptation. Happens to the best of ’em.

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