- 5 years ago
- Wedding: April 2016
On paper it looks like I have the world ahead of me, all I had to do was sacrifice my wedding.
So here is my story below and my question is this: Should I be feeling this way and what can I do other than wait?
When I met my now husband, I made it clear I wanted to be engaged by the 5 year mark of our relationship because I saw a colleague slowely burnt hoping her boyfriend would propose. Every event, outing and suprise would be over shadowed by her expectation of a proposal and nothing happened.
So 5 years past and I too had no proposal, we had bought a house at 4 years and that’s when it started to get rocky when he didn’t have a reason for my he couldn’t propose.
After we sold and bought a longer term property he proposed at 7.5 years. It was after another fight underpinned by not being engaged. The moment was sweet but not romantic.
The proposal was 6 months ago and during the christmas/new years time my partner got a job offer for his dream company in the states, we live in Australia and we agreed it would be a good move. I love to work so we asked about my right to work and it all seemed rosy.
They wanted him to start within the month, including relocating our whole life. We obviously weren’t married and the US doesn’t recognise DeFacto couples so I gave the government the legal month’s notice for our wedding and started planning.
I am good a project management and in fact that is one of the problems, my husband and I are both very task orientated. So I set of planning a mini dream wedding based on a checklist. Photography, guitarist, dreamy venue, perfect dress, celebrant, florist, invite list, guest favors and accomodation the night before.
The planning didn’t have too many hitches, I was still working full time, so I just carried on in work mode when I got home. We only had one hiccup with not inviting my husbands aunties when I had invited mine. His parents accused me of not letting him invite them and he didn’t stand up and say it was his decision. So we invited them and I asked for an apology from his parents and him believing it was my doing.
The wedding day itself was lovely although I hasn’t had time to process it all and wasn’t really in the moment on the day. I don’t look back at it and say it was the most wonderful day of my life. I am an introvert and I’m quite guarded around family so i was hoping we’d connect emotionally on the honeymoon.
The wedding was a Thursday afternoon/evening and the next morning (at 9am) we set off to the aiport to fly to the US.
Our honeymoon was 2 days at a wonderful country estate, we slept alot due to stress and jetlag and lay by the pool. On the Monday, my husband started work and I was there for a week to look for housing and go on my own interview with my dream role that was at the company as my husbands (we wouldn’t be working together).
I flew home to Australia and waited back to hear about my job offer while my husband stayed on for another 2 weeks. He came back for a week and half to tidy up the house for shipping our stuff. I was still working fulltime and I’d come home at nights and weekend to go through boxes to sort our life into: Air freight, sea freight, store, sell & donate. Again we focussed on the tasks at hand and even started an online project board to finish off everything.
A week before he left to relocate permanently I applied for my spousal visa that was also meant to be handled by his company and found out that I would be unable to work for 3 months. I LOVE to work and I can’t be idle. This was upsetting and at the same time my dream job offer came through but they were too busy to do the paperwork to sponsor me seperately. When my husband left we had no idea what my situation was and I was mad that he hadn’t talked it over more thoroughly with the relocation people at his company. I had looked at the embassy website and it didn;t mention anything about the 3 month unable to work timeline.
The situation was cleared up when the immigration person at this company emailed his HR manager filling him in about my situation. The HR manager spoke to the person recruting me and organised my seperate sponsorship so i could work straight away. This also made me mad because my husband had great communication with his HR manager and hadn’t asked him for help.
So once that was sorted I filled out the paperwork and my final step was an interview at the embassy and the wait time for 3.5 weeks. I was really upset because his brother in law and girflriend had moved into our house, all of our stuff had been shipped and I had finished work.
Yesterday was our 2 month wedding anniversary and I have seen my husband for 2.5 weeks of it. I didn’t get a happy anniversary call, only an sms today after I reminded him. We will be apart for 6.5 weeks and that doesn’t seem to worry him, he use to travel alot but the longest he travelled was for 2/3 weeks.
He doesn’t like hearing that I am lonely and bored. He has tasks for me to do like painting two rooms, ordering and painting skirting boards and general admin stuff. I put forward a few trips I could do whilst waiting and he was concerned about the cost so I’ve just been doing tasks, catching up with people for lunch and generally loitering at home that is full of other peoples stuff.
I haven’t had any “I miss you” messages, anything even slightly emotional so I’ve been getting angry which then makes him not want to call so now we talk once a week to update eachother on our tasks. I have never been so lonely in my life.
In a month I will have my dream job, he already has his and we will be back together but I feel I’ve missed out on the post wedding emotional connection and I am resentful. If I didn’t have romance for the proposal, leading up to the wedding or post the wedding then when do I get it?
Sorry I really needed to get all of that off my chest because no one wants to hear me seem down when we have jobs that everyone want (which we worked bloody hard to both get). You can’t help how you feel.