You can see we haven’t been married that long, but I am pretty close to your age, so we have that in common.
We a communication trick that we both really love. Whenever we have to make a decision, say, do we eat Thai food tonight? or do we go to this party? we each think to ourselves, on a scale of 1-10, how much we want to go (or don’t want to, for us they are two scales). Then we tell each other. Because we’re trying as much as we can to focus on the needs of our partner, this helps us to weigh how strongly we feel. So, if he wants to go to the party a 4, but I don’t want to go a 6, we don’t go. If I only want to go a 1, then we do go. It probably seems a little silly, but we swear by it. I took a marriage prep class before we got married and one thing that my teacher shared that really stuck with me was that in differences you have the greates opportunity to show your love. When my husband was happy to order mango sticky rice the other day, even though he doesn’t like the coconut milk in it (and I totally forgot that it was an ingredient!), I felt extra loved, because he put me first.
Our relationship is rarely hard, of course we have disagreements and every once in a while hurt feelings and a little crying (I am definitely a crier, but i hardly do anymore), but we try to keep things in perspective, and we’re very fortunate that the good times far outweight the bad. And sometimes even the hard times are good. Another thing that my teacher shared was that during those hard times you have a unique opportunity to become closer, because the two of you are going to be the only one’s who can fully understand what you’re going through.
I was engaged before, and it obviously didn’t work out, but I used to think that all relationships were hard, that the crying and the stress and always letting things go his way were just what a relationship was. But I am so so happy I was wrong. Of course there a bad moments, but they never even turn into bad days because we recognize them and get rid of them together.
I like to take baths and showers to relieve stress, and snuggle with my husband. I am big into snuggling. Of course, everybody has different things they like to do. Read, watch movies, go out with friends, sometimes I do dishes. Clutter kinda stresses me.
We never sat down and made rules, but they’ve evolved throughout our relationship. We don’t call each other names, we don’t hold grudges, we don’t do silent treatments. If we’re hurt or upset about something we pull ourselves together (though I think it’s ok to take a minute first) and tell the other one how we feel. Then we apologize and try to purposefully be happy.
I think it’s important to be purposeful, put each other first, and be gratefull to have him and for how wonderful he is. Whenever I’m upset about something I think about how maybe someday my husband won’t be around and I don’t want to waste any of our precious time together being upset.
That was kind of rambling, but wish you all the happiness and I hope this helps a little. It can be a lot, but it’s totally worth it.