Post # 1
My husband and I have wonderful marriage. I think one of the reasons for this is that no matter whats going on we make time for a date night where our kids, jobs, crazy families, and stressors are not allowed to be talked about.
Every two weeks, give or take, we put aside a night for a date. We get dressed up find a nice restaurant, go for a walk somewhere, or go to a fabulous place with a beautiful overlook and sit and watch the stars. We only talk about dreams, aspirations, our hopes for the future when our kids move out. Our youngest is heading into high school and we are on the count down to his retirement in five years. We are planning on selling our house, and moving to a location that both of us are interested in.
We have a wonderful marriage and we believe its because of our date nights. We remain connected through these dates by not letting life’s complication pull get between us. Its our time to focus on ourselves and our connection instead of talking about the kids, families, work…etc.
Does anyone else still date their spouses after marriage? What sort of dating do you do? Do you think it helps your relationship?
Post # 2
Mrs.MilitaryBee : I think date nights are super important and good for you for keeping them a priority in your marriage. I’ve read your previous posts and it sounds like you guys have been through a lot. It sounds like you two are able to reconnect on those dates when you’re alone. I think too many people lose sight of that with the craziness of kids and jobs.
We’ve only been married a little more than a year and I am pregnant. My husband works a lot of hours, including every other weekend. We have to set aside time for dates. We still see our friends quite a bit, but now that everyone is having kids, we don’t get together as much as previously. My family is local which makes it hard because we are invited to everything. We have learned to tell people no.
Our date nights aren’t anything super special. We live in the suburbs now so sometimes we go to the city, but usually we stay in the ‘burbs. Our suburb has a nice downtown area so we go walking there a lot. We go to the botanical gardens quite a bit. We do a lot of ourdoor stuff like bike riding and hiking. Sometimes we just go out for desert, sometimes out for breakfast instead of dinner if my husband has to work an evening shift. I work most weekends as well right now so squeezing in any time is helpful.
Post # 3
I also agree that date nights are even more important once married. I have found in my own life that it is so easy to get caught up in daily life and you can easily feel like roommates. My husband and I try to have at least one day of the weekend where we do something by ourselves, even if its just lay off and watch tv together. Having that time alone to just talk and relax is great. Sometimes we go for a drive to the pier and have lunch and just walk around enjoying the weather. Bowling is a big part of our lives as well as my husband really enjoys it so I try to go with him and that is our date night option too.
Post # 4
sunnierdaysahead2 : Congrats on your pregnancy. I definitely do believe that couples need to stay connected. A lot of our friends are getting divorces, and the number 1 thing I hear from the couples is that they just drifted apart. A lot of our friends are also empty nesters or about to be empty nesters.
My BFF is going through a divorce, their son graduated high school and is off to college and they just decided to get a divorce. I asked how it happened and what happened. The responses have been, we grew apart, we dont know each other anymore, we stopped being a couple and became parents.”
This makes me so sad, because they love each other, according to both of them, but they feel like strangers. I told them both to go to marriage counseling. They didnt take the advice and their divorce is proceeding. Its so weird because they still live together and dont intend to separate until after the proceedings are over.
She says she got caught up in raising their son, he says he got caught up working and providing and that they have lost sight of why they love each other. It saddens me.
Post # 5
I think a big part of the reason my 1st marriage failed is because we didn’t stay connected when life got stressful and super busy. A child with cancer, him working full time and in school full time, I went back to work and was working 70 hrs a week. Staying connected is SO important.
For that reason, I make it a huge priority to stay connected to my current husband. We do go on date nights, although we had faltered and hadn’t in a little while until last week. I remember sitting at the restaurant and belly laughing with him and it was so nice. We have a rule that no phones are out on date nights so that we can really focus on one another. Date nights re-ignite that flame from when we were first dating, so I think they’re super important.
Post # 6
emeraldbee : This is our rule as well. No phones at the table. It is so good to laugh over something with your SO. Darling Husband and I goof off about stuff, act silly, it really does reignite the flame. We hold hands and it just seems that the connection is always there when we do this.
Post # 7
Mrs.MilitaryBee : i think that remaining connected and close is super important to a healthy, long-lasting marriage. date nights can definitely be the way to do that. Darling Husband and i were never big on “dates” in general – even before marriage. we spend a lot of time together, and go out to dinner about once a week, etc. but we dont usually dress up or anything. two things we do do though: we always go to bed together, and we sleep naked. again, it’s about fostering closeness and connectedness. and that’s our main outlet for it (plus, you’re much more likely to have spontaneous sexy times when you’re already naked (: )
Post # 8
Totally we do! Date night’s the best and is vital to our relationship i think. Mind you, we don’t have kids which I’m sure makes it MUCH easier. We did open a business/restaurant this year though so that made things challenging time and energy-wise for a while.
It’s important to step back from your day to day lives and stressors to really focus on each other and your relationship, I think.
Post # 9
catskillsinjune : Not to give Too Much Information but we sleep naked as well. Its our thing which is something we never before we met each other. Its that spontaneous waking up in the middle of the night just because we were touching.
Post # 10
We don’t do regular/scheduled date night (we didn’t do dates much even when we were dating) but we make sure to spend a lot of time together. We play video games together, go hiking, take weekend camping trips, watch movies together. Basically we make sure to prioritize our time together, enjoying each other’s company and staying connected.
ETA: We’ve talked about doing a “date night” once we have kids just to ensure that we make time to focus on our relationship.
Post # 11
We definitely still date, though with a 6 month old it can be tricky and definitely isn’t as often as we’d like. However since these dates are becoming fewer and farther in between, we make sure to make those date nights extra special. Our next one is in mid-August and we’re actually planning on spending the night in a different city, just the two of us. Then in mid-September we’re going to a Billy Joel concert and leaving our son with my parents overnight so we don’t have to worry about rushing home that night. We like to try and throw in dinner and a movie nights on some random Tuesdays too. I cherish our dates 🙂
It’s funny, we definitely still dated before our son was born, but I guess we didn’t really realize the importance of it until after. We love our son more than words can describe but it’s so important for us to still have some alone time as a couple.
Post # 12
We don’t date, or call it a date but we go out for lunch semi regularly (usually decided on the weekend day itself) and we spend every evening together watching netflix or a movie. Pretty much all our time not working is spent together so we don’t really feel the need to get dressed up and organise something specific. I’m pregnant now so when we have kids we will probably feel differently and make time to go out just the two of us every month or so.
Post # 13
Yes! But it’s twice a year, and this year one of our regular dates is pretty likely to fall through. We need a better plan.
Post # 14
We definitely do! Especially since quality time is my biggest love language, we make it a priority to have one-on-one time. We don’t have kids right now, which makes this easy, but we already have planned/agreed to weekly date nights even after we have kids in order to keep our relationship strong.
Post # 15
Yep! In fact I should be getting my first real estate check soon and when I do I’m taking my husband on a date to The Melting Pot. That’s a really good fondue place but it’s pretty pricey so we only go once in a blue moon.