Post # 1
So ladies me and my soon to be have been thinking about actually getting married so we can move in together (we both don’t believe in cohabiting) in order to save more money for our wedding. But the wedding wouldn’t be for another year in a half…..any suggestion? good or bad idea?
Post # 3
The wedding is the day you get married, so anything else would be a vow renewal. I’d suggest waiting if you want to have a big wedding; you can’t really get married twice unless you get divorced, then remarry.
Post # 4
We have friends that have done this and I think it’s working fine for them! I know for us (DH and I) we really respected that they went ahead with the small “ceremony” so that they didn’t go against their beliefs in living together/being intimate without marriage first. I’m still just excited for their big wedding here in the next yr or so =)
Post # 5
I know it is super exciting to run off to the courthouse and get married. My Fiance and I have talked about it for years…. But we knew we would regret it in the long run. You and your Fiance need to do the best thing for you as a couple. If you feel that there will be no regret then go for it. I just knew that on my actual wedding day, I’d be very sad as it would just be a show for others when it really should be something from the heart. I wish you luck!
Post # 6
This exactly. Lots of people on here talk about it like getting married and having a wedding are two different things, when clearly they’re not.
OP, in my opinion you need to decide which is more important to you. Would you rather have a small wedding and be married and living together soon, or have to wait longer and have the big wedding you want? Trying to do both just doesn’t sit right with me.
Post # 7
This is what my Husband and I did- not for financial reasons but rather because he was being stationed in Japan and we didnt want to be apart for 3 years. We had a JOP marriage with no one at all there and when we came home and told our families what we had done and that we were going to have the wedding at a later date they were ok with it. We are now planning the wedding for when we return home and my friends and family are just as excited as they would have been if we had done things differently. I had never even looked at it as something weird until I saw people reacting to it on wedding boards. When I brought what other people had said about having the wedding later to my family they said to just disreguard all that. We did what we had to do but we still want to celebrate with friends and family, express our love for one another in front of everyone we care about, walk down the aisle, wear the white dress, ect ect. Do whats best for you and remember those who mind dont matter and those who matter dont mind 🙂
Post # 8
SAME HERE!!! But we did it cause he was going to cali and didn’t want to spend 2 years apart. I get the whole ‘not a wedding’ ‘it’s not as special’ some people even went as far as to say I did it only for the money and will end up divorced! Wow!. But not really on this site.
Just because you do leagalize it doesn’t mean you can’t have a wedding with family and friends later. People do it this way for ALL kinds of reasons not just military. I read about one couple doing it for insurance benefits! So I would say go for it, but make sure the people closest to you are there to witness both if you can. And it’s true in the end do whatever you want and don’t let anyone make you think it’ll be “less special” it won’t be as long as you are okay with it! 😀
Post # 9
Thanks soooo much for your comments ladies!
Post # 10
MollieChristine- I’m SO glad to hear someone else doing it too and for the same reasons! I’m just afraid how the Groom’s family is going to be about it because his mother threw us a “reception” WITHOUT us even being there and without even telling me until like 3 days before. I was LIVID and now I think some of his family wont come to this because they went to that. Blah!
Post # 11
Yup, a lot of people do this for various reasons. If this is what works best for you and your loved ones, by all means do it!
Post # 12
Do whats comfortable to you. Just be aware that some people may not recongize your v.r./wedding in the same regards as you do. If your comfortable with that, go for it.
Post # 13
In my opinion, being legally married is not being officially married, it’s only married in the eyes of the government. I am Christian, so I believe you are married when you have said your vows under God with a pastor present. That’s just my personal opinion. I would not conisder myself “married” if I just signed some papers.
That said, you can’t control what others will think. A lot of people do consider legally married to be the be-all-end-all of what marriage is, so they would consider your wedding perhaps a little over the top for a “vow renewal”.
That said, do whatever you’d like and what woulds best for you and your Fiance.
Post # 15
Ladies your post have really helped me to put some things into a different prospective.
We haven’t considered shacking up. By making it legally official will make us both feel better about living together. I don’t want to lose anyones support by the decision we make to do this. I still want everyone to be as supportive when we renew our vowels. I guess its a weird situation and it comes down to do you make every one else happy or do whats best for you and your relationship.
yea im a christian as well my parents as well as his are pastors! Double pressure…. we want to have a nice wedding and as far as us sharing a living expense it will make it much easier as well as a speedier process.
@MattandKristin: Its great to know that someone is on the same page as me. Sorry to hear about your “surprise reception” In laws tend to over step boundaries so I’ve heard.