(Closed) Married…which means we must be trying to have a baby right??

posted 6 years ago in Married Life
Post # 17
Member
4581 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I got married at 28 and DH’s family made it very clear that they expected us to have a baby right away. 

Post # 19
Member
1810 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

I get it all the time in two ways.

Some people repeatedly ask, “So when are you having kids?” or “Why aren’t you pregnant yet?” or “When will it be your turn?” because a couple of friends are having children. I have other things I want to accomplish first. I have goals that I have yet to accomplish. Is that ok?

I also get people who say, “You’re so young (read: too young) to be married. You’re not having kids right away, right?” or “You don’t have kids yet, right?”

I feel like saying, “How about you mind your own damn business? I’ll have kids when my husband and I are ready, regardless if that suits your opinion of the right time.”

People can be SO rude without even realizing it.

Post # 20
Member
1889 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

I got married at 23 (I’m 25 now), Darling Husband is 4 1/2 yrs older than me, we’ve been hearing it since a little before we got married.  Including the lovely remarks of:

– “you don’t want to be an OLD parent”

– “I don’t understand why you even got married if you’re not trying to have babies right this second–that’s the whole point of marriage.”

– “Where are my grandchildren?!?” thanks Mother-In-Law

– “We have a bet going on which of our married friends are gonna have kids next, you guys are totally losing this for me” ok that one was said in jest I think but still!

Darling Husband and I are both so busy and career-focused (plus he travels all the time for work) that neither of us even wants a timeline for having kids anymore.  I tell my friends who are anxious to get married so people will stop asking when they’re going to get married, “All getting married does is it makes those same people start demanding to know when you’re going to procreate.”

Post # 21
Member
5950 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2018

Mr. 99 and I got it a lot when we first got married, we just kept telling people we didn’t know where babies came from….maybe they could show us some time?

Post # 22
Member
5272 posts
Bee Keeper

@FutureMrsDR:  Oh we get it all the time! I’m 31 and husband is 30 so we are a bit older. When we got married a lady from his side asked us in the receiving line when we will we be having kids…like lady we have only been married 5 minutes slow down!!!! My husband was so annoyed he just ignored her and moved onto the next person in line hahaha

Post # 23
Member
1889 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

@Nona99:  HAHAHAHA girl I love your responses.  I may have to steal that one from you.

Post # 24
Member
4753 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

It’s not you, it’s marriage.

It’s like before you were engaged, “when are you getting married?”

Then you were engaged and it was “when is the wedding?”

And now that you’re married it is “when are you having a baby?”

It is just the natural progression of questions.

Post # 25
Member
27 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: October 2012

We are 28 and 29, we get it sometimes and got it a lot after we eloped (shotgun wedding?!). I don’t take it personally at all, and I certainly don’t assume people are trying to be jerks. They are probably just excited for you. If you don’t want to talk about it, just smile and say “I don’t know,” or change the subject…

Post # 26
Member
569 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I think people are just naturally excited about the next stages of your life, they aren’t trying to be nosey or prying.  We got married 8 months ago and I work in a retirement home, and I get asked on a daily basis, sometimes 10 times a day from residents with dementia if we were going to have children.  My inlaws are SO excited at the prospect of us having children.  I’ve been ready for awhile, but my husband needs a bit more time to wrap his brain around it.  So to me the questioning is sometimes upsetting, but I have to realize that it comes from a good place.

Post # 27
Member
3697 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I actually didn’t get it that soon after the wedding.  Not until the in-laws were back in China and hearing about friend’s grandkids and my brother and SIL had their baby… 1500 miles away from my parents.  “I’d be really nice to have grandkids closer to home…”  “We’d move back to the US if we had grandkids…”

Post # 28
Member
523 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

I’ll be 30 when I get married and my Fiance 35 and we’ve NEVER had ANY pressure to have kids yet.  I live in a major city though, which I think makes things a bit different.  We’ve talked about waiting a year or two after the wedding to start getting pregnant, and that feels young to me!

Post # 29
Member
4438 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 2013 - Harbourfront Grand Hall

@FutureMrsDR:  I’m not, but we made it CRYSTAL CLEAR that nobody is getting grandbabies from us and they can look to our siblings for that future generation.

 

 

 

However, the other day my mom said a friend of the family asked her when Darling Husband and I were going to have kids and my mom’s response was Mchitt doesn’t want them but her Darling Husband is a laid back guy, I’m sure he’d be fine with kids  

 

 

It ticks me off that my own mother doesn’t think/realize/whatever that this is a decision to be made together.  (But then again my older brother was an “oops” baby so maybe they don’t understand that….)

 

 

 

Either way, I understand your frustration.  If you’re blunt and a little bit bitchy like me you can easily shut people up.

Post # 30
Member
4698 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

My Fiance don’t want kids and our families know this, BUT that doesn’t stop his side of family from asking me ‘how could I not want that joy in my life’ or ‘what am I going to do with my life if I don’t have kids?’ or ‘you’ll change your mind’.

It’s insulting and no ones business either way. I dont think people asking intrusive questions ever ends unfortunately.

Post # 31
Member
7457 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2013

We’ve been married two weeks and we are 23 and we get it. It’s all from his side and our friends. All of his cousins on his mom’s side are boys so they are desperate for somebody (anybody) to have a girl and they let us know this all the time. His mom and aunt were both pregnant within a month after getting married and seem to be under the impression that we will be bringing a baby along to his cousins wedding next June (not happening).

We’ve told them we are waiting but every time I talk to one of them (especially his grandma) they mention babies. It’s getting a bit annoying but I just try to smile through it. It’s only been two weeks though and I’m already pretty annoyed so hopefully they lay off soon.

Our friends will jokingly ask about it which is fine because they ask once and then don’t ask again.

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