(Closed) Marry while in school?

posted 6 years ago in 20 Something
Post # 3
Member
9955 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

Money is one of the BIGGEST things that married couples fight about, that ultimately leads to Divorce.

Being married while in school means there won’t be much cash at all… and a lot of stress (going to school for the most part being harder than having a job… because school feels like a 24/7 commitment)

I’d advise you to wait awhile…

As for the “savings yourself for marriage” thing… I admire you for making that promise, but I equally admire the fact that you are honest enough to say it is difficult.

I suggest that YOU go get some counselling, particularly info about birth control… because if you find you cannot wait (nothing to be ashamed of… sometimes our hormones just get the best of us) then you need to be prepared for the FIRST TIME just as much as any other time

Don’t for a second believe any of those old wives tales that you cannot get pregnant… the FIRST TIME, if he pulls out, right after your period, right before your period, on your period, if you do it standing up, or if you give him a hand-job first, or if you douche with Coca Cola… OR ANY OTHER SUCH STORY (trust me at my age I’ve heard them all… and they don’t work… they are the reason that a lot of folks my age 50+ either have children or are here themselves)

ONLY REAL BIRTH CONTROL WORKS… if you are old enough to have sex, you are old enough to have sex responsibly !!

Hope this helps,

 

Post # 4
Member
6543 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

Do you currently pay all your own bills? Do either of your parents help you? 

I guess for me, the deciding facor (aside from being emotionally ready) is if you are financially independant. I personaly don’t agree with getting married while one is still in school if mom & dad are still footing the bill for everything. That being said, it happens all the time.

Does your Fiance have any other reservations or just money? Is he concerned about paying for a wedding or paying for your life together? What does he see financially changing after you’re married that would make him be worried about money?

I can understand your desire to be married. My Fiance and I have been together a very long time, through high school, college, and well after. I was SO ready and wanting to get married while I was still in college but Fiance was hesitant and honestly it was for the better. We’re getting married in 2 months after 12 years together and both of us are established within our careers.

Post # 5
Member
10571 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: January 2011

I’m a student and am married.  College is short though (2 maybe 3 years, right?).  If there’s no plans for more schooling after that I would just wait.  I don’t think sex is a good reason to rush getting married, and I am someone who waited.

Post # 6
Member
2819 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2013

We are not. We were originally planning a laid-back picnic wedding for labour day weekend this summer, but bumped our date back to February 2013 (and changed our plans) for several reasons. First of all, FH took an internship from May last year to the end of August this year, so he would literally have been getting back right before the wedding, and I would have been resonsible for all the planning while he was in a different city (and while I was studying for my big nursing exam, basically the equivalent of the Bar exam for lawyers & job hunting!). But we also decided to delay it so that he would be graduated when we tied the knot (he’ll graduate in December; just one semester left after the internship). This was important primarily to my parents, but it was also important to us from a financial standpoint.

From your post, it sounds like you’re maybe just getting impatient (totally understand, BTW! I’ve been engaged for three & a half years, and was dating for 2 years before that!), partially because you’re waiting until your wedding night to sleep together. I think that you need to kind of take a step back from that right now, and look at the situation logically. Though you say you’re “not worried about money”, have you actually done a budget up (just an example of something you may still need to consider).

Don’t rush into getting married for the wrong reasons (impatience to consummate your marriage). There are more important things, and if saving yourself is of high importance to you, you want to wait for the right time anyways.

Post # 7
Member
1042 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

If you had asked me a year ago, I would have said no way. Now, however, it’s looking like that will be the case for me and my SO. He’ll have graduated and I’ll be in my last semester of nursing school. We’ve been together for 4.5 years and are also waiting to move in together until we are married.

In all honesty though, it’s not for everyone. It’s truly a very risky decision. A low income and the stress of college and running a household can be really hard on a couple. You need to do what you feel is best for you, however.

That being said, I think you need to examine your reasons for wanting to get married. Are you getting married because it is a smart decision motivated by love? Or because you guys can’t wait any longer to have sex and live together?

Be honest with yourself, and slow down. Don’t let your bodily hormones get you to do something you wouldn’t other wise do, whether it be having sex, or getting married too quickly.

 

 

 

 

Post # 8
Member
1844 posts
Buzzing bee

I would have you ask some of the same questions as similar posters. 

Are you paying all your own bills. 

Are you able and willing to support BOTH of you + tuition on your income. 

Are you willing to have a potentially small and intimate wedding so that you will not be pushed deeper in to debt (or suffer the debt)

 

 

I also agree that sex alone is not reason enough to rush in the marriage, but money issues are things that need to be discussed thourally beforehand. Sometimes even financial aid and scholarship are dependant on marital status so please take that in to consideration if he is using either of those to help with school. Also is the place you are in now somewhere that he could share or visa versa. just things to think about.

Post # 9
Member
1902 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

@starfish0116:  I completely agree with this.

I don’t think it matters that you’re still in school, as long as you are financially independent and have a viable plan for where you will be when you finish, then you should be fine to get married (provided you can afford it!!).

I’m currently doing my masters degree full-time and working part-time, while my partner works full-time and is studying for his PhD part-time. Yeah, it’ll probably be a bit stressful trying to organise a wedding in the midst of assignments, but we have plenty of money saved up and feel that we can afford it.

Post # 11
Member
595 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2015

We are. I start my junior year the week after the wedding, actually. If you want to, do it, but it is kind of stressful planning and focusing on school.

Post # 12
Member
6543 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

@heartsoul:  Okay, so what about your fiance? Is he financially independant? If so, I don’t really see what the problem is. If you currently fully support yourself and are out of school and working, then combining your income and him being in school shouldn’t be an issue. If his family is currently still helping him, are you financially okay if that were to stop and it was only up to the two of you? 

Post # 13
Member
98 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

I’m married and I’m done in a year. There are some social and monetary advantages and some disadvantages…

As long as you know you’ll be able to have the wedding you want to have, then do it. Mine was small and cost around 5000$ and I loved it.

Post # 14
Member
3626 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I would advise against getting married during college. If you want to live together and have sex, I’d do that, but that doesn’t equal marriage. Someone in my family got married young so they could do that, and they got divorced a few months later. Saving money on gas is a good reason to live together – not to get married.

Post # 15
Member
35 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: October 2014

My fiance and I are getting married a whole year and then some after I graduate (I graduate May 2013, we’re getting married October 2014). I think that you need to do what you feel is best for your relationship. We are about to venture into living together  soon hopefully; and I am not ashamed to admit that we have been “active” for a few years now, before being engaged even. I think its all in your own personal values that makes your decisions easy to stick to. You have to really ask yourself what you want for yourself, and for you and your partner as a couple. You may find you make some changes along the way…I was going to wait too. I also wanted to bump the wedding up to October 2013, but he and I decided that we needed that extra year to become more financially sound. It is about communication, and you have to really hear each other out in what you both want. I personally, do not feel like getting married while in school is a problem, unless of course you are only rushing it for the wrong reasons. Take your time, because if you wish things too quickly, you don’t enjoy what you have right in front of you right now.

Post # 16
Member
11 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: May 2013

My fiance is done with school but I still have about two years to go. We are planning on getting married next spring and I will take a quarter off of school so I can get ready for the wedding right beforehand and also not have to do homework while on our honeymoon.  I think that if you work hard, there is no reason to wait until school is over if that is what you really want.  If you or your fiance are worried about money, try to write everything down so you know exactly what is coming in and what is going out.  My fiance was freaking out about money and if we could afford everything so I looked around at what we could potentially be spending on rent, utilities, and everything else that goes into having your own place and he can see that we are able to make it with both of our jobs and if we are smart about expenses.

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