(Closed) Marrying a Cop!

posted 9 years ago in Military
Post # 17
Member
1175 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

My boyfriend is trying to get on with a police department. I’m going to have to keep an eye on this thread. I’m so nervous! I’m happy because I know it’s what he’s always wanted to do.. but I don’t wanna never see him and stuff 🙁 I think this will be really helpful lol!

Post # 19
Member
786 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I do find once you are a police officer’s wife/significant other, you do have a close knit support network..  The guys have each other, and the spouses get together too.  I have made some great friends that I wouldn’t have otherwise known if it wasn’t for the Force.  So definitely get to know other wives since we are all in the same boat and its nice to be able to vent or gossip since we understand what is going on.

Post # 20
Member
1766 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

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@Silverblade: Definitely agree with bonding with other police families.

And never vent to people who don’t have a cop in their family. It’s pointless.  Whenever I told my friends about DH and my schedules and routines, I got such helpful responses as “Don’t let him treat you like this!” and “I’m worried for you!”.  I know they meant well, but they just don’t understand the life.

Post # 21
Member
99 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

I agree with everything here!! This is a fantastic article (gone around the boards before I believe). Read it. It’s fantastic.

A few more points:

– Holidays may be celebrated on a random Wednesday, a week after the fact, and it’s ok. You really do appreciate whatever time you get.

– He/she will have really, really bad days where they see some horrible things and don’t want to talk about it. Perhaps ever. It’s hard to accept (at least for me, who wants to fix everything), but you get used to it.

– On the flip side, there are times they just want to get it all out – the horror, the danger, the crazy driving, that one crazy idiot … and while you need to be supportive, it’s really easy to get freaked out. You’re not alone. You can be supportive without needing every grisly detail (this is where it’s important that your SO has friends he/she can vent to!).

– Some people really, really hate cops. They in turn, hate anyone associated with them. Be prepared for it. I definitely wasn’t. Not everyone sees the sacrifice – some only see the bad apples.

– I always tell Mr. B that I love him before he heads into work. We fought on the phone ONCE while he was on shift and suddenly he had a call and had to go. For the rest of the shift I was paralyzed with fear that he wouldn’t come home safe. Don’t go there. The fights can wait.

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@AprilJo2011: Teen Mom alone time. OMG yes!

Post # 22
Member
2550 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

My Fiance is LE but he’s in his 16th year.  Luckily he works the morning shift and his 3 days off rotate monthly.  I wake up w/ him each morning for our good bye kiss and then he’s home before I get home.  Its actually a great schedule because when we have kids, he will be able to pick them up. 

I agree that its all about being supportive.  The only work difference btwn my Fiance and other guys I’ve dated is he’s legally able to carry a gun.  And his gun is rarely out of his sight.  Now that took a month to get use to but now its just expected. 

Separate tvs- My dvdr is in the bdrm and his is the main tv.  Yes, the 50in.  We do watch tv together but then I always give him alone time to watch his favorite shows.  Also the PS3 is there so he can play his videos or

Spending time together- Since I’m a yogini and his a boxer, we take evening walks/rides together to discuss our days.  I like being able to spend @ least an hour of just us outside.

Hope this helps to ease your mind:)

Post # 23
Member
1766 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

I also want to add that people probably will confront you with the ‘high divorce rate of police officers’.  They usually pull out the mystical 75%, even within the force, even in articles about police life. Divorce rate was one of the first things DH learned about in the academy, I’m sad to say. It’s like they wanted to mentally prepare them to have failed relationships.

I have yet to see a single study or statistic that supports this.  There was actually a study last year based on census data, which contradicts the ‘common knowledge’ of the police officers’ high divorce rate.  Here is a link to the article:

http://www.radford.edu/NewsPub/December09/1217divorce.html

Post # 24
Member
2154 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

Just hide your bong when his boss comes over for dinner. That’s all I got.

Post # 25
Member
467 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

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@AprilJo2011: this list is awesome – you put it perfectly

Post # 26
Member
305 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

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@Beluga: LMAO!!!!

 

I would just like to also emphasize what PPs said about the “some things are so awful they will never want to talk about them” thing, and seriously, there are some pretty awful things out there that police officers, firefighters, and EMS people have to deal with, and sometimes you just want to let it all out, the anger, the disgust, the sadness.  Other times, you just have to keep it all in, at least for a while.  So don’t take it personally and don’t let it bother you.

Post # 27
Member
407 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 2011

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@AprilJo2011: When DH first started, I couldn’t believe the number of guys with multiple marriages/divorces under their belts. That said, I’m still not convinced the reason behind this is because they’re police officers. 

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@Silverblade: Ugh the initial training sucks (for selfish reasons obv). Here they go for 18 weeks, but 6 months?? Wow! Is your husband RCMP? 

Post # 28
Member
1175 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

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@AprilJo2011: I’m glad I read that before I started freaking out.. I knoww statistics don’t mean anything when it comes to the actual couple but man. I’m really scared. All this time I’ve been excited and we’ve talked about the fact that it’ll be hard but this is going to be so much more adjusting than I expected!

I’m so glad this thread was started so I can freak out now rather than later LOL.

Post # 29
Member
19 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I am about to marry a police office in OCTOBER!!! I remember when he was going through the Academy and came home and told me about the divorce rate “statistic.” I wasn’t too worried about it but it did make me think. We have already made friends with other couples that are in law enforcement. I am very excited for our lives together and help and support him in anyway possible. 

Post # 30
Member
786 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

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@forforever:  Yes, he is RCMP, so that’s why everyone gets flown to Regina for training at Depot.  It was hard for him but he made some awesome life long friends because of it.  I went to visit him when he was gone, but I was still an emotional mess at times for being apart 6 months.. When we were used to seeing each other everyday. 

But now at least I get to get married to him in his Red Serge with an honour guard so I am looking forward to that Laughing

Post # 31
Member
786 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

@MissMedic:  And sometimes they share things you don’t really want to know either!  I still found it a bit disturbing when Dear Fiance told me about his first sudden death..  How horrible it looked, the condition of the body and how awful the smell was..  Then he went onto to explain the difference in the smell of dead bodies..  Like a floater..  a burned body, to one that has been there for weeks etc.  Yuck!  I’m like oh thanks honey.. Wink

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