(Closed) Marrying a widower and inviting the late wife's family…strange?

posted 4 years ago in Family
Post # 31
Member
2414 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: NJ

I really don’t see anything wrong with it. I don’t think it is disrespectful to you. No doubt Fiance feels as close to these people as they once became his family, when he first was married.

You should not let this sour you on the wedding.

Post # 32
Member
351 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

My dear older sister passed away rather suddenly a few weeks ago. She and my brother in law were married for 20 years.  Sadly, they have children who are 10 and 13 so our situation is a bit different from yours as I plan to see him and the kids as often as I can.  If he were to remarry, though, I would absolutely hope that he and his new wife would invite us to the wedding. He has been a member of our family for 20 years now.  We love him and want the best for him.  I’m sure your fiance’s first wife’s family feels the same.  Please don’t listen to people who have never been in your situation and can’t understand it.

Post # 33
Member
2153 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

mkebride2016:  While it may sound weird to others, I totally get it. My aunt died at 42 of breast cancer, and she had been with my uncle since she was 14. She died 20 years ago, and he has spent every holiday and occasion with my side of the family rather than his own. He has had a girlfriend for the last 4-5 years and we all adore her, and she loves us! We would absolutely outnumber his own family if they had a wedding. I think people become your family over the years and there’s nothing that can break those bonds, it’s beautiful for you to know who his wife was and where she came from. I’m sure you are similar to how she was. 

Post # 34
Member
1519 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2015

I know every family is different, but I don’t think it’s weird at all. My perspective is from the other side of things. My uncle (my mom’s brother) passed away several years ago and my aunt has since remarried. She is still every bit a part of our family even though the connection through blood (except for my cousins) is gone. Her new husband is considered part of the family and they attend and host family events like Christmas. 

Don’t let others tell you that it’s weird. They might just think that it’s weird because they have never been in the situation before and can’t imagine it. Family is more than just blood relations.

Post # 37
Member
1305 posts
Bumble bee

 

I think its very sweet that your Fiance has people in his life that love and support him. I can only imagine the grief that they went through together and how happy they must be that he found love.

Post # 38
Member
509 posts
Busy bee

I have an Aunt that was widowed a few years ago. She is my Aunt by marriage only, but she was with my Uncle before I was born and as been a member of our family for more than 30 years. When he passed away she didn’t feel like any less of an Aunt to me. She still comes to our family holidays and even has taken vacations with my Mom. I think if she got married again and didn’t include us I would be pretty upset.

If he still has a relationship with her family I think it makes sense to include them. He is still an Uncle and brother to these people, even if her marriage technically ended.

Post # 39
Member
44 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: June 2016

I don’t think it’s strange at all. My best friend’s brother died at age 24. He and his wife had only been married two years. She got married again years later and invited my friend and her parents. But they all get along well and still keep in contact.

Post # 40
Member
8785 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

 

Nay1976:  

Could not agree more. Some events yes, of course, but not his wedding. I  think OP is very gracious to even consider it, and he is insensitive to want it – particularly  for heaps of them to come, how inapproppriate and  uncomfortable  her to be surrounded.

I would bet anything at least one of them  one will make comments in OP’s hearing  she would rather not hear on her wedding day . Her engagement and marriage are not so long after his first wifes demise that somebody won’t think it their place  to comment on that perhaps. Or sigh over what a beautiful bride she was .  

Of course his deceased wife’s family  will remain part of her FI’s  life, and why not. But  not  at the wedding , nope.  Well , I wouldn’t want it , no way . 

Post # 41
Member
626 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2016

Your friends need to mind their own damn business. If you and he are fine with it they don’t get an opinion. 

Is it a little odd that you’d be meeting some of these people for the first time at the wedding? Maybe, but these people have been his family for decades. I think it says something good about your Fiance that he formed that close bond with his first in-laws.

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