- Wedding: July 2015 - The Plantation, PE, ZA
I seem to be really late to this one, 2 months (eek), but I thought sharing my experience and past with OP might help. Whether you’ve left him or not.
My Dad is an alcoholic, but has been sober since 1998. My parent’s relationship had been through hell and back. My Mother even left him. They were living in different countries!!! We were with my Mum in the UK and my Dad was working in the Netherlands. He told me once that his low point was when he locked himself out of the house and instead of trying to get in through a door or window downstairs, he tried to climb up the balcony because the booze was in that room. He had no heating or electricity because of money squanders. He even went and got food out of McDonald’s bins at midnight because the food on the top is apparently ok (yuck). He’s had multiple car accidents and aggressive driving incidents, yet now he is my hero. My parents never divorced, when my father was (genuinely) serious about stopping, my mother got on a plane and essentially nursed him. No rehab, just cold turkey. They have been married for 25 years and my mother says she doesn’t at all regret staying with him. My Father has been an alcoholic since he was 19. My Mother knew when she married him what he was and she did it anyway.
Keeping in mind that this disease can hit anyone. He is very well educated with a PhD in Metallurgy. He’s a COO of a leading industrial company. However, this may not have happened had he continued drinking. He may even have been dead, but he put his life back together piece by piece.
Roughly 4 years into my Father’s sobriety, my Mother became addicted to heroine and cocaine. That was the worst because I truly witnessed it. You have no idea how disturbing it is for a child to have to look after a parent in that state. This continued for roughly 6 years (5 of which I was looking after her until my Father demanded I live with him), to which point she admitted that she had a problem. At this point my parents had separated again, but my Father decided to step in and help her when he realised she was serious. Again there was no rehab, just cold turkey which was a terrible sight in itself. She has now been clean for 10 years.
i am tremendously proud of them for the things they have overcome and I too am stronger for it.
My DH is an alcoholic, sober for 5 years now. He did go to rehab because he was unable to do it “cold turkey” style. I don’t hold that against him. When you’re ill, you go to a doctor. What makes addiction any different? I married him knowing exactly what I was getting myself into. He relapsed once and became terribly ill. After that he hasn’t touched the stuff.
However, NOT EVERYONE has these success stories. Also, can you imagine what it is to go through those things despite it turning out ok? It takes dedication, hard work and the realisation that you are not in control of their addiction. There is nothing you can do to stop them. This is a choice you need to make. I would suggest speaking to professionals on the matter.
I want to touch one more thing and mainly for the PP’s. Both my parents are addicts, but I am not. I have no issues with alcohol and have experimented with drugs (I know….it’s bad). I just don’t have that gene. I don’t really drink much to be honest because I never had the taste for it and drugs just seemed pretty shit on their downers so I see no point in taking them. Not to mention all the shit it has put my family through, but I haven’t been particularly careful because of my parents’ issues with addiction. Nor am I worried for my future children (yes, I plan on having children). I am a strong advocate of nurture over nature.
(These are my opinions based on my experience: Addiction Councillor & Adult Social Worker, and qualifications: B Social Work, BHon Psych)