Post # 1
I am 24 and my boyfriend is 43. It works amazing for us and we are so in love. The age difference doesnt bother me at all because we are just so on the same page, I dont even notice an age difference!
I’m curious to see what other girls have to say on this. Because I love my man so much, sometimes I hate the fact that I didn’t get to know the person he was for the 20 years before we met!! This isnt an age difference thing rather than a meeting later in life thing (which is obviously inevitable with a large age difference lol). Its not jealously, he’s never been married nor have any kids, just that he is an amazing musician and sometimes I’ll watch videos of his concerts in the past and drool over how cool it was and wish I was there to experience every part of his life that shaped him before I came along lol. It sounds silly, I guess it’s that I can’t get enough of him and knowing I missed a huge window of opportunity of him makes me feel like I missed out on that part. I know I sound whiney and probably making is sound like more of a bad thing instead of a fun thing!! I am very thankful for the opportunities and time we have now and we are building way cooler parts of our lives now that we’re together. He tells me I’m not missing a thing, that being with me is way better than any rock star life he ever lived before!! I also know fully that if I came into his life at any different time than I did, we wouldn’t be together, so I wouldn’t change a thing about how we came together. I totally believe in fate in our situation 🙂
And to those who think that “what will happen in 30 years when he’s gone and you’re alone?” – this isn’t feelings related to that at all!! I am fully prepared that something could happen to me way before him so it’s not about missing out on time on the other end!
Curious to see if anyone else feels this way? Like I said, don’t have to be an age difference thing, but for anyone who met their SO later in life! 🙂
Post # 3
Wellllll…the only thing I could say on this is, when I was 24/25 I seriously dated a man who was 18 years my senior, with two previous marriages under his belt, no kids. At the time he had truly been the love of my life; we WERE really great together! Everything just clicked with us, we would have probably made a great, lasting couple.
We ended the relationship because he didn’t really want children, and at 25 I knew I definitely wanted to be a mother.
Fast forward….I’m now 42 years old, and I can tell you most assuredly, I’m glad that I’m not partnered with someone so much older than I am. Children, lifestyle, energy levels, life perspectives, I have found for ME, are just better shared by partners within a stones throw of the same age.
I guess the take away could be…the age difference isn’t felt as much now, at the ages you both are, nearly as much as it is bound to be felt later on in life…
Best of luck and much happiness to you dear!!!
Post # 4
While I definitely understand your concern as I know I would feel that way on the outside looking in, and the fact that I know it will be more obvious in the future, but our situation works great for us now. And to be honest I’d rather be happy in the present with him than be miserable without him wondering what if. He wants kids as much, if not more than I do, and I already know he’ll be the most amazing dad. And as for energy levels, he has wayyy more energy than I do now at 24 lol, and a way better social life. He is more of a 25 year old at heart… I can’t even say “in a 43 year old body” because nothing about him shows 43 other than his birth certificate. I can only imagine that when his energy slows, worst case scenario it will be on par with mine haha. (I am not saying I am lazy, but I am a primary/elementary teacher and those kids are draining!).
Post # 5
I am 28 and my fiance is 47. he has been married before and has 3 kids. Sounds complicated and some times it is…but we are happie rthen we have ever been. Age is but a number. And I rather be with him as long as I can. What is the flip side? not having him? Having the heartbreak of not being with your soulmate? Seems like the obvious answer is follow your heart and be together! I also wish we had been together to experience all those previous years, but maybe thats what you had to live through to be together…
I get you mrsgantz! Wishing you two an amazing life!
Post # 6
- Wedding: November 2014 - Historic cinema
I’m 27 and Manfriend is 46, never married, no kids. I have thought about the future and how hard it will inevitably be, but I always come back to, why would I let go of something so amazing and true out of fear for the future? After all where I live there was an accident a few months ago where 2 people on honeymoon were in a car crash 4 days after being married. He died and she was seriously injured. Only in their 20s. Incredibly sad. But you never know what is going to happen.
Post # 7
I am 27, Fiance is 41. I think if the best excuse you have to end a relationship is based on fear (of the “what if?”) Then you have no grounds to end the relationship. Imaging the regret of looking back at your life and thinking that you turned away from the best thing you ever had. That seems wors that loosing a life long partner due to old age. But, this is not what OP is asking
OP, I sometimes feel bummed that Fiance has this whole other decade without me, but other than that, I don’t think I feel what you do.
Post # 8
I wish you well.
But like Sweetjennygirl: said, and someone who has been there, in regards to being both young and now older, I have to say that it is NOT GOING TO BE EASY as you two age (when you are 40 and he is 60, or you are 50 and he is 70) for sooo many reasons.
Marriage is hard enough when two people are basically the same age, generation and share a lot of the same life experiences / history.
Not to mention the fact that as a middle aged woman (and a Mom), I can’t help but wonder what he sees in you now beyond your youthful “hard body” (and I KNOW that sounds cruel… but it worries me whenever I see this that the woman isn’t being USED, she just doesn’t know it). When you get to be his age, you’ll wonder WHY anyone would be interested in dating someone young enough to be your own child (and that works both ways, Older Men Younger Woman, or Older Woman Younger Man). From that perspective it does seem odd.
Just make sure you take care of you… I’d certainly look at consulting a lawyer for legal advice / a Pre-Nup to protect yourself going in.
Post # 9
To all the success stories, thanks for sharing!! I’m glad we feel the same towards our relationships. I have no doubt whatsoever that we will both love each other for as long as we both shall live!! 🙂 sure we can’t speak from experience as the others have, but I truly believe our love is way stronger than letting a number down the road get in the way.
And to clear it up, I’m not significantly bummed or anything over the time missed, just a silly “darn I wish I was there for those cool things!!” 🙂
@This Time Round: thanks for your concern about the prenup. However my boyfriend owns his home mortgage free and I am newley out of Univeristy with students loans. He is definitely not using me for my money 🙂
Post # 10
TO mrsgantz: It wasn’t his using you for Money that I was concerned about.
BUT you will want to ensure that you are protected should any of the following befall either of you…
Sudden Illness, Disability or Death (this is imperative, whether you are 24… 34 or 44 with kids / teenagers in tow). Been there, done that !!
OR if Divorce should happen suddenly and unexpectedly. You don’t want to be left out on the street with nothing having given “the best years” to your guy (also been there done that)
What looks all rosey going in, can be quite different down the road. Like any Bride you need to protect yourself, but even more so because of the drastic age difference.
As I said, you need to go talk to a lawyer.
Post # 11
If it works for you- it works for you!
My FH is older than me- I”m 31, he’s 45. I don’t care really, I’ve always dated older men and due to his child at heart nature, he dated a fair amount of younger women. Of course, he was stuck by my youth and beauty at first (not my hard body- I was about 100lbs heavier when we met and only now have a hard body, lol). But now it’s a very different level of emotional, supportive, and mature realtionship we have.
I do get annoyed that he’s older than me. I joke that he’s going to stick me with a bunch of kids, but I do worry about that. I’m not sure how different that is in relationships where folks are closer in age but I’m sure they worry about losing their beloved as well.
Post # 12
My fiance and I are closer in age, but we met a bit later in life, so I can relate. I’m almost 36 and he’s 38.
We both had a hard time with relationships in our past, and never thought we’d find what we did in each other. When we finally got together (a little over two years ago), it was (and still is) wonderful.
Both of us wish we had a time machine to go back to when we were younger so we could have more time together. I also wish I could have known who he was when he was younger, maybe been the one waiting for him when he got out of the service for example. While we sometimes wonder what if, we are still thrilled we finally found each other.
I guess I have no real advice, but I do understand what you’re saying.
Post # 13
I’m 27 and my Fiance is 37 and sometimes I wish he were younger, but I know that we woudln’t have worked when he was younger. He was immature and not ready for a serious relationship, so I’m glad we met when we did! People change a lot in their 20’s, and for men sometimes that doesn’t happen until their 30’s! Just enjoy what you have now 🙂
Post # 14
@HeathenSwan: exactly what I mean 🙂 and since you know now how good it is with them in your life, you just wish you didn’t have to waitsto long 🙂 but everything happens for a reason and we all learn so much about life and ourselves up to the point we find our soul mates which is why it works out so well when we do!! 🙂 even tho I made this post, if given the opportunity to go back in time and meet earlier, I wouldn’t have changed one thing!!
@maplemag: Exactly. All people in relationships worry about losing their love. I had an aunt and an uncle who both lost their spouses quite early due to cancer… 39 and 55. Obviously by marrying a man/woman their own age they weren’t guaranteed anything more than we are.
Post # 15
I didn’t meet my Darling Husband until he was 44 — but, unlike you, I was 45. Also unlike your Fiance, my Darling Husband was married before and has four children, and I had never been married.
There have been some fleeting moments when I’ve felt sadness that I literally went from bride-to-be to middle-aged housewife in a single day and that my DH and I did not have the opportunity to experience a lot what have been “firsts” for me, together, but I also know that I wouldn’t have been at all interested in my Darling Husband if I would have met him before he was married and had children. He truly became the person I fell in love with, as a result of the many, many life experiences he had, and his significant growth in walking with God, that occurred before he ever met me.
Post # 16
@Brielle: That is a great way to look at it 🙂