(Closed) Marrying an older man/meeting later in life.

posted 6 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
733 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2013

Wellllll…the only thing I could say on this is, when I was 24/25 I seriously dated a man who was 18 years my senior, with two previous marriages under his belt, no kids. At the time he had truly been the love of my life; we WERE really great together! Everything just clicked with us, we would have probably made a great, lasting couple.

We ended the relationship because he didn’t really want children, and at 25 I knew I definitely wanted to be a mother. 

Fast forward….I’m now 42 years old, and I can tell you most assuredly, I’m glad that I’m not partnered with someone so much older than I am. Children, lifestyle, energy levels, life perspectives, I have found for ME, are just better shared by partners within a stones throw of the same age. 

I guess the take away could be…the age difference isn’t felt as much now, at the ages you both are, nearly as much as it is bound to be felt later on in life…

Best of luck and much happiness to you dear!!!

Post # 5
Member
33 posts
Newbee

I am 28 and my fiance is 47. he has been married before and has 3 kids. Sounds complicated and some times it is…but we are happie rthen we have ever been. Age is but a number. And I rather be with him as long as I can. What is the flip side? not having him? Having the heartbreak of not being with your soulmate? Seems like the obvious answer is follow your heart and be together! I also wish we had been together to experience all those previous years, but maybe thats what you had to live through to be together…

I get you mrsgantz! Wishing you two an amazing life!

Post # 6
Member
613 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2014 - Historic cinema

I’m 27 and Manfriend is 46, never married, no kids. I have thought about the future and how hard it will inevitably be, but I always come back to, why would I let go of something so amazing and true out of fear for the future? After all where I live there was an accident a few months ago where 2 people on honeymoon were in a car crash 4 days after being married. He died and she was seriously injured. Only in their 20s. Incredibly sad. But you never know what is going to happen.

Post # 7
Member
236 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

I am 27, Fiance is 41.  I think if the best excuse you have to end a relationship is based on fear (of the “what if?”) Then you have no grounds to end the relationship. Imaging the regret of looking back at your life and thinking that you turned away from the best thing you ever had.  That seems wors that loosing a life long partner due to old age.  But, this is not what OP is asking

OP, I sometimes feel bummed that Fiance has this whole other decade without me, but other than that, I don’t think I feel what you do.

Post # 8
Member
9955 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

I wish you well.

But like Sweetjennygirl: said, and someone who has been there, in regards to being both young and now older, I have to say that it is NOT GOING TO BE EASY as you two age (when you are 40 and he is 60, or you are 50 and he is 70) for sooo many reasons.

Marriage is hard enough when two people are basically the same age, generation and share a lot of the same life experiences / history.

Not to mention the fact that as a middle aged woman (and a Mom), I can’t help but wonder what he sees in you now beyond your youthful “hard body” (and I KNOW that sounds cruel… but it worries me whenever I see this that the woman isn’t being USED, she just doesn’t know it).  When you get to be his age, you’ll wonder WHY anyone would be interested in dating someone young enough to be your own child (and that works both ways, Older Men Younger Woman, or Older Woman Younger Man).  From that perspective it does seem odd.

Just make sure you take care of you… I’d certainly look at consulting a lawyer for legal advice / a Pre-Nup to protect yourself going in.

 

Post # 10
Member
9955 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

TO mrsgantz:  It wasn’t his using you for Money that I was concerned about. 

BUT you will want to ensure that you are protected should any of the following befall either of you…

Sudden Illness, Disability or Death (this is imperative, whether you are 24… 34 or 44 with kids / teenagers in tow).  Been there, done that !!

OR if Divorce should happen suddenly and unexpectedly.  You don’t want to be left out on the street with nothing having given “the best years” to your guy (also been there done that)

What looks all rosey going in, can be quite different down the road.  Like any Bride you need to protect yourself, but even more so because of the drastic age difference.

As I said, you need to go talk to a lawyer.

 

 

Post # 11
Member
1044 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

If it works for you- it works for you!

My FH is older than me- I”m 31, he’s 45. I don’t care really, I’ve always dated older men and due to his child at heart nature, he dated a fair amount of younger women. Of course, he was stuck by my youth and beauty at first (not my hard body- I was about 100lbs heavier when we met and only now have a hard body, lol). But now it’s a very different level of emotional, supportive, and mature realtionship we have.

I do get annoyed that he’s older than me. I joke that he’s going to stick me with a bunch of kids, but I do worry about that. I’m not sure how different that is in relationships where folks are closer in age but I’m sure they worry about losing their beloved as well.

 

Post # 12
Member
745 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

My fiance and I are closer in age, but we met a bit later in life, so I can relate. I’m almost 36 and he’s 38.

We both had a hard time with relationships in our past, and never thought we’d find what we did in each other. When we finally got together (a little over two years ago), it was (and still is) wonderful.

Both of us wish we had a time machine to go back to when we were younger so we could have more time together. I also wish I could have known who he was when he was younger, maybe been the one waiting for him when he got out of the service for example. While we sometimes wonder what if, we are still thrilled we finally found each other.

I guess I have no real advice, but I do understand what you’re saying.

Post # 13
Member
5001 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2013

I’m 27 and my Fiance is 37 and sometimes I wish he were younger, but I know that we woudln’t have worked when he was younger. He was immature and not ready for a serious relationship, so I’m glad we met when we did! People change a lot in their 20’s, and for men sometimes that doesn’t happen until their 30’s! Just enjoy what you have now πŸ™‚

Post # 15
Member
11356 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2009

I didn’t meet my Darling Husband until he was 44 — but, unlike you, I was 45.  Also unlike your Fiance, my Darling Husband was married before and has four children, and I had never been married. 

There have been some fleeting moments when I’ve felt sadness that I literally went from bride-to-be to middle-aged housewife in a single day and that my DH and I did not have the opportunity to experience a lot what have been “firsts” for me, together, but I also know that I wouldn’t have been at all  interested in my Darling Husband if I would have met him before he was married and had children. He truly became  the person I fell in love with, as a result of the many, many life experiences he had, and his significant growth in walking with God, that occurred before he ever met me.

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