(Closed) Marrying an only child- Do you feel like you’re gaining a family?

posted 10 years ago in Family
Post # 3
2867 posts
Sugar bee

I’m gaining a family in a way but I will say I’m not all that close or interested in being a new daughter in Fiance’s family.  Fiance’s family is nice but we differ a lot politically and in other ways, so it makes me feel uncomfortable and I’d never look at them as “my family”.  My Fiance isn’t really gaining a family, I don’t have much to do with my dad, my mom left my sister and me as babies, I have no grandparents, and my sister is busy working and going to school also.  Fiance and I will be creating our family.  I’m independent and like it that way.

Post # 4
1810 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

I’m marrying an only child and his father passed away as well, about 4 years ago. I feel sad for my FH, because in the past year and a half, his grandmother and his aunt also passed away, and he was really close to all of them. His mom is around, and luckily we get along great. He does have a couple of aunts and 5 other relatives scattered around the country, but we don’t really see any of them on a regular basis. Even though I am not gaining a huge family, I don’t feel jipped about it.

The only thing I feel jipped about is that his dad committed suicide before we started dating, so I never got to meet him. 🙁 And our future children will never get to meet their grandfather.

I feel really lucky that I have my family, and happy that I am able to share my family withy my FH– since he’s lost so much of his in the past few years.

Post # 5
529 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2011

I’m the only child in our relationship, but my fiance also only has a younger brother with some disabilities. In a way, I wish he had more siblings, as I’ve always wanted nieces and nephews, and since I’m an only child, I won’t have any on my side. So I can only HOPE his younger brother has children someday. We’re both close to each others’ families, and have small families, which I’m more than happy with. But there’s still times I wish we had larger families. I guess I’m lucky to have such a close family as well, as I consider my cousins’ children as kind of my nieces and nephew as I’ve watched them grow since they were born.

Post # 6
2545 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

Well I guess I can kind of understand. But he must have aunts and uncles or cousins as well?! Extended family counts as family too you know. You are gaining a family your Fiance and his mom, and although it may not be as big as you would have hoped it is better then gaining nothing at all.

Post # 7
2239 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

I hear you…my fiance is an only child and we live about three and a half hours from his family anyway. He is really close with his cousins though, and I like them a lot. My family loves him though so I’m grateful for that. 

Post # 8
404 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

I’m an only child, but I still have family- uncles, aunts, cousins. It might not be big, but I’d hope they’d not be discounted as family because they’re not closer, blood-line-wise. 

Post # 10
535 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

There are pros and cons to this. 
You may not be marrying in to a large family, the key thing is you’ll be starting your own family with your own traditions.  Focus on that.  Focus on starting your own family.  Sometimes best friends feel more like family than your own blood relatives. 
My parents immigrated here in the 60’s and I have never grown up with grandparents, aunts, uncles, or cousins.  They all live in Europe and we see them every 5 years or so when we make a trip.    As you can imagine, my family had some BORING holidays growing up.  Things are different now, my older sister and brother are both married and have children and I will soon be at that point in my life.  Now we have this big family and it is great.  I never had it growing up. 

The Cons about marrying into a large family: they could be the inlaws from hell.  (haha)

Post # 11
10283 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2011

I’m an only child but I still feel like Fiance is gaining a family. It’s just my parents and I but we are very close with my aunt and her family. My cousins have been more like brothers my whole life. 

Post # 12
690 posts
Busy bee

My Fiance is an only child, and his mom isn’t around.  His entire family, other then his father, lives over seas.  So locally I’m only gaining a tiny family – but overseas he has a huge family.  It’s never really bothered me! 

(plus less in-law issues hehe)

Post # 13
5089 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

I’m an only child, and unlike most people, I have no aunts, uncles, cousins, or living grandparents.  (My mom is an only; my dad had one brother who died before I was born.)

But my Fiance is still gaining family – he is probably closer to my mom and stepdad than to his own family.  In some ways, although he has a brother and sis-in-law, as well as his two parents, I don’t really feel like I’m gaining family. They’re lovely people but I can’t see myself ever being that close to them – we are really different people. My Fiance loves them but isn’t close to them either. 

I actually sympathize with OP – I always imagined a family-in-law that I really felt comfortable around, and I’m definitely not getting that. But I’m grateful that they’re kind, welcoming people, and that’s really all I can ask for.

Post # 14
207 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2011 - Calgary Opera Centre

Fiance and I are both only children! Well, he has some older step-siblings but they never lived together, and he doesn’t really know them terribly well. Our parents emmigrated here in the same year, so both of most of our families are back in the UK. We’re both gaining more extended familly than anything like neices or nephews or siblings-in-law.

Post # 15
475 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

You know, it’s the reverse in my situation. I’m the only. I have 4 cousins in different states that I never see and won’t be at my wedding or involved in the other “details” of my life. My aunts and uncles are all crazy and I am about the only person in the family everyone gets along with. He doesn’t seem to care one bit. I also don’t feel like I’m “shorting” him by not having a huge family. It makes Holiday “family” celebrations easier, except for Thanksgiving, we’ll do all holiday’s with his!

Post # 16
703 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

Interesting, b/c I’m in the exact OPPOSITE situation with my only child husband.  His family is super tight, and I think that has a lot to do with him growing up as the only little one in his humongus family.  I, on the other hand, have a family that rarely sees each other b/c they are spaced across the country.  His family gets together almost every weekend in the summer and for every major holiday.  I feel like I finally have a ‘real’ family that does things together and is warm and welcoming.  I am so grateful to have gained his family right along with him!

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