(Closed) Marrying for the second time (same guy) Advice

posted 7 years ago in Ceremony
Post # 3
Member
167 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: February 2013

If the priest won’t spill the beans, how would your family find out? Is the Aunt trust worthy? Sorry, I don’t know any answers but am curious to know answers from other bees.

Post # 5
Member
167 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: February 2013

So you are basically only hiding it from your family. Got it.

Post # 7
Member
491 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

We’re in the same boat! My husband and I got married at the courthouse because he is military and we wanted to be married before I moved across the country to be with him. Also, we just didn’t want to wait! =] Now, we are having our “big” wedding in five months, and his family doesn’t know.

We had planned on keeping it a secret from everyone, but the stress and lies got to be too much for me personally. I hated having to keep such a big secret. I was going to have it at a venue rather than a church so I didn’t have to “lie” to the church, but then my dad threw a fit and said it had to be at the church I grew up in. I panicked, and told him the truth, explaining that I wasn’t sure if we could have the wedding there since we were already technically married.

What religion are you? I’m Baptist, and I just called the church and basically told them it was a renewing of the vows ceremony. That way we didn’t have to do the counseling, pre-marital class, online assessment, etc. It was not a problem for them at all, and I talked to the pastor personally and told him the situation, asking that he not share the information with my family. They do have a confidentiality thing, so they wouldn’t tell your family if you asked them not to.

May I ask the reason you aren’t sharing the news with your family? If you would prefer not to share, that’s fine too. For us, it was because we are young (20 at the time, 21 now) and our parents didn’t approve. My family was adamant about me finishing my bachelors degree before making such a committment, because God forbid it didn’t work out, they wanted me to have a plan B. His family was going through a rough divorce, so he didn’t want to “salt the wounds” for his parents. In the end, I told my parents and they took it well! I had already moved across the country to be with him, so it eased the transition, but they understood that I am an adult and can make my own decisions. It feels so great to have it off my chest!!

That being said, it is still very possible to get married in a church. Just make sure you talk to the pastor/priest ahead of time so they know what is going on, and know not to spill the beans!

Post # 8
Member
167 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: February 2013

@Nienie87: I’m sorry. wasn’t trying to be snarky. Wanted to confirm I got it, is all.

Post # 9
Member
5183 posts
Bee Keeper

@Nienie87: My Fiance and I are married… (military guy..wanted to be married for the benefits blah blah) and we are planning our wedding in July. I don’t think its that hard to do… Just explain to the guy in charge and see what he suggests. 

Post # 11
Member
753 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

One of my best friends did this, and we had no idea.  She married her husband in Feb. 2008 while they were in Vegas.  Then in August 2008 he proposed with the ring and all, and their wedding was in a Catholic church in August 2009. 

Honestly, I was in the wedding and I just found out about this a couple weekends ago! His parents didn’t know either.  It can definitely be done.

Post # 14
Member
753 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

@Nienie87: She said that they just sat down with the priest and explained that they had a civil marriage in 2008, but that it meant a lot to them to be married in the church.  We are Catholic too, and honestly the church considers being married in a civil sense, and then being married in the church as very separate things. 

 I think that most Catholic churches would be happy that you two are making the decision to marry in the church.  I know that my friend had no issues with it.

Post # 16
Member
2854 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I had some friends who married a few months before their date because he lost his job and her enrollment period for benefits was very limited. The only reason we found out is because they left a picture on their fridge, and someone made the connection between flowers, nice dress, and government building.

They just proceeded with the ceremony on their wedding day as planned. It was just as beautiful, and no one who hadn’t been told could have figured it out otherwise. I don’t see why it would be a big deal to your officiant, particularly as the last ceremony was a civil one and this is a religious.

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