Post # 1
This Big Catholic Family has tons of traditions from this tiny mid Illinois town. There is only a few HUGE problems,… I’m not Catholic, My FI and I are both divorced-so the expected church wedding and mass are impossible….
1. We won’t be married in his family’s church. (When he got divorced he was not allowed back.)
2. There are literally ONLY Catholic churches in the area around here, so the typical church wedding is out of the picture. But I was hoping to have a private ceremony with just us and a party for everyone later, which my SO said may be a problem.
3.They all expect a wedding DAY. Getting married at 11am is a LATE in the day wedding. Literally they celebrate the WHOLE day. As in drink, eat and dance ALL DAY. I just don’t know if I have it in me.
4. THey are country people and barely decorate anything,… his cousins wedding had plastic on fold out tables and fold out metal chairs, nothing on the walls and peices of conffetti in her colors on the tables. When I took my SO to my friends wedding, he called her a snob and high maintenance—just for her decorations— which I thought were minimal,… when I talked about my ideas, he explained that everyone would look at me in an argeed unfair way but that would be hard to undo, so I had better keep it plain–and no one would expect any different.
5.However at each wedding they always have at least 6 attendants on each side!!! I wasn’t even thinking of having anyone stand up next to us,…
6. Considering I wanted to just have a party for everyone and not invite everyone to the wedding,… my SO said everyone has to be invited to everything,… the way everyone thinks it is a slap in the face to not get invited to the wedding but get invited to the reception (like we are cutting them off from us but still want a gift) Not everyone comes to the wedding, my SO says only about 1/4, but everyone should still be invted,….
Post # 3
I think this is a perfect opportunity to learn the art of compromise. Especially on his side, but yours, too. Maybe you each get to pick 2 things you feel strongly about (you- decor, him- start time) and then everything else can fall into place around that?
Post # 4
It sounds like your FI wants things to be 100% the way his family wants it, and with their traditions. What about what you/your side want?
That would not fly with me.
You are getting married and details about the actual wedding will be some of your first compromises as a married couple.
I like the pp ideas that you each get to pick x number of things and then work around it.
Post # 5
Are you certain that you wouldn’t be allowed get married in a catholic church? I’m from Ireland so it might be different but there are certainly second marraiges and marraiges to other faiths preformed by catholic priests here. If you have to invite all of his family how mana people would that be? I would give in on the all-day celebration, people do it here all that time and manage. However don’t give in on the decor. I’m not sure that it would feel like a wedding to you without it.
Post # 6
I barely have 35 people at one of my family reunions, and absolutely no traditions,… so I feel like I should give him what he wants,… and well what everyone expects, it’s not like I want to do it my way because my family does things a certain way, I just eloped for my first marriage and my family was fine with it,…
He has already stood firm on the all day wedding,…guests come and go as they please(they go milk the cows, go take a nap and then come back later),…. but I’m thinking as the bride I can’t just leave my own wedding to go take a nap because I’m tired! I’ve just always seen four hour receptions max,…
I’m certain we won’t be allowed to get married in a Catholic Church, he has not gotten an ennulment from the church—so in his priest’s eyes he is still married to his ex wife, they will not marry us.
And his side of the family will probably be about 300-350 people. So that’s a lot of people to feed entertain and supply alcohol for for the WHOLE day!