(Closed) Marrying into student loan debt

posted 8 years ago in Relationships
Post # 17
9837 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2019

I am currently doing a graduate degree, have about $27k in student loans from undergrad, will get that amount again for grad so overall will have about $54k in debt, I have no idea what my repayments will be, it will depend on how much I am earning. He is willing to take that on, and he will probably acquire student loans when he does tertiary study somewhere down the line. We will make it work, and are in it together.

Post # 18
1848 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

I am the one in debt. He’ll be marrying me while he is debt free.

We make it work because I bust my ass to pay all of my bills. he wont be required to help me pay down my debt.

Post # 19
3967 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

Fiance has 70k+. We’ll get through it together. 

Post # 20
407 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

My SO has about 23k in student loan debt, I have none, I make about double what he does, he’s having issues finding decent employment with his schooling, so he’s looking into taking even more. But I’ve told him we need to knock out half of the debt first. 

Our money is all in the same account, we spend what we want. I pay the bills, he knows to look at the account at least once a week to check on his spending, and it’s worked for us since we’ve lived together, so about two years now. 

His loan payments are only 250/month, but we try to make double payments, as long as it doesn’t interfere with our monthly savings, everything works pretty well! 

Post # 21
2851 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

We’re the opposite. SO doesn’t have any student loan debt, although he does have maybe 14k for a car. I have about 16k from undergrad, and I’m back in grad school and will have a total of about 57k once I’m done. We divide bills in a way that I can still save, despite owing for loans and earning less. It works for us. Once we’re married we’ll have joint accounts so we’ll take care of it together.

Post # 22
1542 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@ms_margarita:  this post is kind of old but I have 2 words for you and your SO. “DAVE RAMSEY” Go to the library or order the book “Total Money Makeover” and READ IT and make your SO read it.

The fact of the matter is if you are going to marry him, its your debt too. You could be mean and make him pay it all back but your still going to suffer from it. (ask my husband he’s tried that, it doesnt work) Or you could both sacrifice short term so you could win together long term.

I have 105k in student loans and an 800 dollar a month payment IF i could even afford to make that large of a payment. and most of that is interest! My husband has ZERO student loans. Thank God because I have more then enough for  the two of us. He’s an awesome man and he’s taking it on as his debt too now. It sucks but its our problem and we either sacrifice short term or be run by it our entire life. We are doing dave ramseys plan and that includes cutting down our expenses big time for 2 years and in 2.5 years we should have 60k paid off and then we’re going to go on a second honeymoon to celebrate and then go back on course and pay off the other 80k in another 3 years. in 6 years we should be totally debt free.

Compare that to the 25 year “i’ll be miserable forever” plan and i might just throw a party. lol


Post # 23
572 posts
Busy bee

I’m the one with the student loan debt. $40k, which totals around $450 a month in payments. My husband still married me. We work together to pay down items and understand nothing will happen over night. We both work two jobs to pay for bills.

Post # 24
452 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2014

I’ll be the one with the debt, but its reasonable considering the degree I’m pursuing. Honestly, in this day and age, its rare that anyone starts out life without some kind of educational debt. I don’t think it should hinder plans/progression in a relationship. I plan on just starting small, living way under my means and hitting my loans hard for the first 3 years, and then things should get more comfortable financially.

Post # 25
1639 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

My Fiance went to a private college and had $100k in debt (from just tuition; that doesn’t count his credit cards that he ran up with living expenses, ugh!) when he got out. Luckily, his mom paid for his tuition and he pays her back interest free. That said, $1000/month goes to her, right off the top. Plus, he has his credit cards..That has prevented us saving for a car, getting a nicer place (I’m currently in school and will graduate with ~11k myself), buying a house (ironically his mother is pestering us about why we don’t buy one. How about because you take what would be a down payment??) and lots of other things that money would be oh so useful for. He feels bad (he’s one of those super duper provider types that wants to be manly and fix everything) and apologizes to me all the time about not making enough money (he makes a good salary, but not so much after taxes) and this and that…

We do just fine right now as far as living and making ends meet, we even save for our honeymoon and still do dinner and movie nights, but don’t splurge. We decided that once I get out of college and get a big girl job, we will prioritize credit card debt, then my student debt, then his (which he will continue to pay himself until such time as we can both throw money at it). It totally sucks and I really REALLY want a house. But I love him so this is what comes with it. 🙂 and I know we can manage it, he is really good with expenses and money, so. I’m not too worried.


Post # 26
137 posts
Blushing bee

We’re in the opposite situation.  I graduated with just over $30K in student loans and I have just over $14K left to pay off, plus a few thousand on my car.  I’m hoping to move downtown so that I won’t need a car anymore – I will sell mine, which will hopefully take care of most if not all of what I owe on it.

SO graduated without debt because he was in the military for a couple years and as an engineer, he had a few well-paying co-op jobs.  He also makes like twice what I make – why oh why did I have to get into marketing? 😛

I probably won’t have any car debt by the time we marry and I’d also love to have finished paying off my student loans, but…we’ll see!  Either way, I’m going to pay everything off all by myself as soon as humanly possible and I don’t want him to help me in any way – so I don’t think my loans will affect him that much.  I currently have no savings for a wedding or his ring (and definitely not for a home), which I think is a problem, but I’m going to start working on it and we still have some time.  He has plenty saved up, but I want to contribute at least significant amount because I see us as equals.

With one of my aunts and uncles though, my aunt was the one debt-free and my uncle had student loans – about $30-40K, I think.  After graduation, they scrimped and pinched for two years, and they were able to pay off his loans together in that time, but they both had decent-paying jobs.  I don’t want repayment help, but my aunt was happy to do it for my uncle and it worked out great for them.  I think in those two years they also managed to save $10K between the two of them for a modest wedding & rings.

RE: PPs saying everyone has some kind of debt – yes and no.  Student loans are not that bad, but I definitely wouldn’t want to get involved with anyone who has consumber debt!  Credit card debt is like quicksand – it can keep a person/couple under forever, and bad credit scores are a huge no-no for me.  I also think it’s important for a person to be aggressively paying off their loans instead of just making minimum payments each month, if possible – that way, they’ll be paying less interest in the long term, and they can start saving money for the future sooner.

Post # 27
110 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

I laugh in the face of student loan debt. And then I cry a little. Hah. You could buy a very nice house, or 5 or 6 mini vans, or a really tiny tropical island with my loan debt. That is the way of medical school. And now, my soon to be Mr. is going back to school. I just smile and cringe inside. 🙂

But, no car loans, no credit card debt…. yay for the little things.

Post # 28
163 posts
Blushing bee

View original reply
@Bebealways:  How can you afford that?!?

Post # 29
99 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

My 40K in student loan debt is about to hit us, when I finish school in 8 months. My main concern: finding that first out of college job!!! We both work in the restaurant industry now, serving and bar tending, and combined made almost $60k last year. Not too bad for not having degrees. But my first “real job” could potentially leave me earning less than I do now… that’s the scary part! Stay focused on your finances for now, if you really want to get married, do it small and simple… that’s what we’re doing!

Post # 30
2278 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

I have about 70-75K in student loan debt but I’ve been paying it for a few monthly billing cycles and I have a payment plan worked out. It’s a 30 year payment plan, because there’s no way I could afford the 10 year payment plan, hah.

Post # 31
4 posts

I’m in a similar situation. I was able to graduate with no debt, but my SO will have about 40K when he gradutes in December. While it’s depressing thinking about him having to start his life with paying off debt, it’s the smart thing to do. He also wants to pay it off himself. I’m open to helping after we’re married, but that won’t be for several years. Eventually, it will get paid off, so there is a light at the end of the tunnel!

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