(Closed) Marrying into student loan debt

posted 8 years ago in Relationships
Post # 32
4654 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

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@MsKiss:  We live and work in Korea, so Japan is a ferry ride (or really fast airplane) away.

On top of that, our jobs pay our rent, which was a huge chunk of our income before.

Our bills are a little lower because the government subsidizes electricity costs if you do your part by not using too much power.

We don’t need to worry about taxes because the US and Korea have an agreement that means we don’t need to pay them for two years (we’ll need to start next year though, sadface. But it still won’t be much.)

Health insurance is automatically taken care of without any effort from us.

We don’t need a car and we live in walking distance of 98% of the things we need and want. 

We’re incredibly boring most of the time when we’re not traveling, and enjoy spending nights watching pirated TV shows and surfing the internet. 

The wedding is small, only 50 people. 

It’s still been a leeeetle difficult, and we haven’t been able to generally save or save for anything else, and there won’t be much left over after, the trip home, but we made it! Working here has a lot of perks, especially if you’re not in Seoul where things are costlier. I can basically send home half my paycheck or more every month if I want to and still have enough to get by cozily for the month.

Post # 33
358 posts
Helper bee

We’re lucky in that we both don’t have any student loan debt, I am paying mine all out of pocket on my part time minimum wage salary  as I go.  Maybe you can talk to a loan advisor or financial advisor for advice and definently make a strict budget so youll be able to pay your bills and still do fun things.  This wouldn’t make a difference in my decision to marry someone, love and happiness is way more important than money in my opinion.

Post # 34
143 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: City, State

Both Fiance and I are in school and will have student loans. He’ll be making a lot more than I will, and will graduate about two years after me, so I’ll be paying the majority of our expenses for the first couple years and he’ll pay half after that. I’m just trying to remember how lucky we both are to be educated, and I know there will come a time in the future where I might need more support and he’ll be there. It’s hard to think about and plan, but it will all be worth it to be married to the man I love, regardless of debt!

Post # 35
186 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

ughhhhh I am paying off 35K in student loan debt…he is paying his exwife out 85K…I make 40k, he makes 100k…annnnd we will never have savings-blah

Post # 36
708 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

Neither my SO nor I have debt from our undergraduate degrees, but after graduating, he spent two years getting his Master’s in Comp Sci and now just started law school. His parents are helping to pay off some of the debt, but by the time all is said and done, he’ll probably have around 100k in student debt (hopefully less!). Oh, and did I mention that I’m planning on going to grad school in the next year or so, too? So add another 30k or so on top of that! Lucky us!

Sometimes I feel really frustrated that we’ll be starting our “real lives” off with so much to pay back, but then I remember that we’re both getting educations so that we can have the lives we want in the future. I don’t know how old you are, but when we’re both finished school we’ll be 27 – not old at all. So, while it sucks that he has to get a loan from his parents to buy my engagement ring and that we probably won’t be able to buy a house for a looooong time, I think it’s worth it.

In the end, we’ll both (hopefully) have careers we’re passionate about, and at least he’ll end up making decent money in the long-term. Our plan is simply to pay off as much of our debt as possible when he graduates law school and start working so that within a few years, our debt will be managable (or non-existent) and we can start saving for important things like a home and kids.

We’re also lucky that we both come from families that are relatively well off, so we don’t have to hold off on getting engaged or married, as my parents want to pay for our wedding (and would want to even if we had a million dollars of our own).

My point is that yes, it’s frustrating, but try and view it as an investment in your future!

Post # 37
183 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

@ms_margarita:  Went through the same thing! My fiance (boyfriend at the time) was still in residency when we moved in together (5 months into dating). We talked marriage pretty much right away! Then when he graduated, we moved for his job.. I was told that by me moving for his job, we would get engaged soon. We lived at the new place another year and half and had to move again for a new job opportunity for him.. with the idea that we would be getting engaged soon. Almost a year later, we got engaged. Total of about 4 years. I FEEL YOUR PAIN, BUT it was totally worth the wait. He saved money in that time and knew he wanted to get me a nice ring/have a nice wedding (which we are paying for ourselves). It definitely caused a fight here and there BUT if I could give you any advice, it’s that it will happen when it’s supposed to happen. There’s no point in getting mad about something that he clearly wishes he could change. One thing that helped us, is that you can apply for income-based student loan repayment so that you never pay more than maybe 20% of you total income to student loans. I am not sure on the percentage. It was helpful for the last year(saving for wedding), but now that he makes more money, it has gone up again. Let me tell you, I WISH his loans every month were $800. I’d throw a party. lol. Also, now that the wedding is in less than 2 months, I feel like I didn’t embrace the ENGAGED life quite enough, and can’t believe we are almost husband and wife! lol One thing you need to make sure he does, if he hasn’t already, is get life insurance. God forbid something happens to him, and you’re married, you get ALL of that student loan debt. And, I don’t make as much money as he does, so I would be in BIG trouble. lol He got a $1mil life insurance policy so I don’t have to worry if anything does happen to him. My fiance is very engaged in keeping our finances on track. At the very least, you should download the Quicken program in order to track where your money goes. It shows what percentage you pay for food, entertainment, etc and you can manage your money better. We also use it for managing the wedding budget. I’m sure everything will work out. Don’t get angry at you fiance, though. I regret making mine feel bad when in reality, it just wasn’t the right time for us financially. I will say, we have had our money together for the past 3-3.5 years, and we both can see where money goes, so I think that is helpful too. Anyway, hope everything works out! It will come soon!

Post # 38
667 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

Well, we accrued massive debt after we married. My husband and i both entered marriage without any debt, but after three years of grad school (my husband is now a doctor of physical therapy) we have about 150,000 of student debt.

Our loan payment will be more than our mortgage by quite a lot.

However, we are keeping our expenses down by buying a less expensive house, driving old cars, and generally being thrifty.


It can be done, especially if you pool your resources.

Post # 39
1078 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

@ms_margarita:  i am kinda the oppsite … i have ltos of loans and he like perfect credit …. i had to do most everything my self my mom being ill and my dad left so i never had family suport for schooling or anything even in highschool i paid some rent. 


He says he understands but i feel completely terrible. At one point i thought about saying no b.c. i felt so guilty. He assures me its no big deal we will just pay it and not to stress over things that can’t be changed things will work out. He says he does not care i just feel bad if he has none and i have lots thats it not fair to him




it really freaks me out that i will impact him in any way that is bad 🙁


Post # 40
3571 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

We both have nearly equal amounts – DH has more, but together the payments are incredibly high. It affects the way to strategize life and or careers, but we’re getting the hang of it. But there’s absolutely no way that I would have let this be the thing that kept me out of my very happy marriage to my best friend. I can’t wait until we get them all paid off in 10 years though. I’m going to feel freakin’ OPRAH RICH with an extra 2k a month sitting around. 

Also, I have excellent credit regardless of my loan amounts because I make the payments and always make a point to have them current or in legit forebearance when we’re going through a rough spot. DH’s credit score is not as high as mine, but we’re working on rebuilding it and it’s come a very long way in a short period of time.

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