(Closed) Marrying someone who is self employed…

posted 8 years ago in Married Life
Post # 3
Member
2000 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2010

I wouldn’t bring it up unless he does. Men usually don’t like to talk about $$, or at least the ones I know, don’t. My brother’s self employed & he’s a very hard worker, and my Fiance is also in a job where he gets rained out, etc. much like your Fiance does. It’s very hard when he gets rained out for 3 days in a row, leaving us about $200 short on his paycheck. We rely on every cent that comes through the door.

If your hunny’s a hard worker, and it sounds like he is, and he’s honest…I believe he’ll be just fine. I believe that good things happen to good people, kind of like good karma. It definitely is hard, but even if the worst does happen & he’s out of a job…it will ALWAYS work out.

If you say anything to him, I would just give him a hug when he walks through the door & tell him how much you appreciate all he does for his little family πŸ™‚ Not TOO often, though because then he’ll feel somewhat pressured that you’re relying on him. But, if you do it the right amount he’ll feel appreciated and good about what he’s doing in his job.

Hope I helped! πŸ™‚

Post # 5
Member
2000 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2010

Girl I know what you mean. We’re suffering on food right now so that we can save a little bit more $$!! Haha, we eat pizzas & mac & cheese all the time!

Post # 6
Member
143 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

Unless he is clearly not trying to get work (which obviously is not the case for you), or his spending is out of control, I would not say anything.  He is probably well aware of the money issues and may already be stressed about it.  I am currently a student and will soon be self-employed.  I can tell by a look on my FI’s face when we talk about wedding stuff that he is worried about money – and sometimes it makes me feel bad for the life choices I have made and that I don’t have a typical job.  (Not that he does not support me and my choices – it is just a tough financial time right now.)

On the other hand, I completely understand your worries!  You really know your relationship better than anyone, so if it is something that you need to get off of your chest and you don’t think it will make him feel bad, by all means talk to him about it!

Post # 8
Member
3252 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

i wouldn’t say anything…gve him time. you yourself said it’s not easy finding work in this economy. If he’s not on a spending spree and trying hard to get work then have faith and hold his hand…he’ll appreciate you so much more for that.

Post # 9
Member
1260 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

I agree with what others have said – he is probably well aware of the financial stress and is reminded of it daily when he goes out looking for leads. The best thing you can do is support him – I love the suggestion about giving him a hug and letting him know you appreciate all his hard work. Good luck!

Post # 10
Member
3125 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2009

you’re a good Fiance – hang in there and if you can network for him at all too, go for it. πŸ™‚

Post # 11
Member
2781 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

I agree with msmonicka, he’s probably well aware of the situation but so long as he’s not taking every paycheck and going out with the boys then I wouldn’t worry. I’m self employed myself, I haven’t worked since the end of November 2009. And it’s hard. And it’s difficult getting work nowadays because instead of just 100 people fighting for the 1 job like it was a few years ago now it’s more like 300 people fighting for the job. It sounds like your FH is doing all he can. Make sure you show him just how much you appreciate his trying to help support you both as a couple. It’ll give him a psychological boost and only good can come from that.

Post # 12
Member
2249 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2018

my fi is a musician (opera singer) and I def bring home the money. My dad was a stay at home dad and I just think about how luckey my kids are going to be to have my Fiance as a stay at home ish dad.

Post # 13
Member
2015 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

Just remember that a lot of people are in the same boat πŸ™‚ Sometimes that comforting knowing you’re not the only one.

As someone who was unemployed before, I can say that it helped so much that my husband didn’t talk about it much. He knew I was busting my butt everyday looking for another job, and not working or bringing in enough money (especially for guys) really just makes you feel awful and usless. So I think just showing your appreciation for everything he does do to try and get work is the best thing. It might give him the extra confidence he needs to push through on a daily basis.

If it gets to a point where you can’t pay your bills, then reassess. For example, ask that you sit down together to talk about money, and say WE need to work together to think of a new plan. Maybe he will have to go work for a company for a little while to just make ends meet, or maybe you can pick up another part-time job? It happens, you know? BUT, if you guys are able to make ends meet, and you’re just living frugally for a while, then I say just be the supporting, loving wife you sound like you are πŸ™‚

Post # 15
Member
2781 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

Have you thought of setting aside a fund for emergency money? Just in case you need to dip into it to pay rent, bills, etc. My FH and I discussed this soon after we got engaged and I made the choice to set up an emergency fund out of my own money. So every month I put £100 into a EISA bank account which generates great interest. The great thing about it is that I can’t touch the money for a year unless in an emergency when I can go and get the money out of the bank in person which makes it a lot less easy to spend. It doesn’t need to be a lot, just $20 a month helps. It just mind ease your mind a little. But I strongly suggest talking to your FH or telling your FH that you’re setting it up first so he doesn’t feel like you’re going behind his back in any way.

Also, @vistagirl, your FH is an opera singer? That’s awesome! I’m a stage manager and I work predominately in opera. It’s a small world.

Post # 16
Member
2249 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2018

@littlemissmoo – that is so cool! He is a tenor! If we are ever in london I’ll pm you πŸ™‚

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