(Closed) Marrying someone with debt

posted 10 years ago in Money
Post # 32
4811 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 2010

@runsyellowlites:  Yes, this.

There is no reason to declare bankruptcy and bankrupty is NOT a “quick fix”.

Post # 33
504 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I tried to read everyones comments so sorry if anyone else said this but:

SELL STUFF that got them into the debt… Trade the BMW for something safe and fuel efficient with probably lower insurance payments… Sell motor cycles… Shoes… Suits… Any and everything you both can agree to part with… That is one of thefirst things recommended by debt relief experts – it’s like the first stick of dynamite to blow a big hole out of your debt!

Good luck! Dealing with FI’s tiny(by comparison) debt was a good challenge for us 🙂

Post # 34
470 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

Bankruptcy can not be used to pay off taxes or student loans. So that is a pointless option. My DH is currently making payments to the IRS, he was also an independent contractor and it’s hard to come up with the amount owed come tax time. He got behind years before he met me and we’ll be paying it off for the next 5 yrs. He needs to get a payment plan set up with the IRS ASAP. DH is still able to get loans, mortgages in his name etc because he is actively making payments on his tax debt, the interest rate and penalties and fees pretty much exceed the amount owed. I’m sure factoring in interest, fees etc your Fiance owes a lot more than 60k. He needs to get it sorted out ASAP, they can and will garnish wages, clean out his bank accounts etc if he doesn’t have an agreement set up with them. 

Post # 35
202 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Student loans and tax debt will not be erased with any BK. 

Plus, given the amount he makes, he may only qualify for a restructuring BK which does not erase any debt, but puts him on a court-ordered/managed payment plan to repay his debt. 



Post # 37
15 posts
  • Wedding: December 2012

Okay..I scanned some comments so sorry if I am repeating something that someone else has said, but when my bf and I started dating, we took Dave Ramsey’s class Financial Peace University.  It is about $100 for the class (per couple) and it is completely life-changing!!  Whether you are in debt or not.  He teaches practical ways to manage your money and to live within your means. I think he would do both of you guys a lot of good and would possibly change your lives and relationship!! Check him out..he has some great books out like The Total Money Makeover.  But if you can, take the class!!!!!!!!  It is only one night a week for 11 (I think) weeks.  You will be amazed at the results you start to see right from the beginning.  He teaches you how to control your money–not your money controlling you.  You can find more info on his website daveramsey.com and you can also listen to his radio station there.  I believe absolutely EVERYONE can benefit from him!!  

Your Fiance will be able to relate a lot to him as well..Dave’s background story is the same as his..made too much money and spent like he made even more..now he’s a multi-millionaire!

Post # 38
5165 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

I dont have a problem with student loans but debt that stems from failure to pay taxes and expensive lifestyle would worry me, especially since he wasnt more upfront about it.

Post # 39
2975 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2019 - Paris, France

I really dont think the amount of the debt is that important.. He does make quite a bit and with the right budgeting and self control it call all be paid off in a couple years. The worrying part would be that he isnt mature enough to have started to pay it off by himself. 

Post # 40
3696 posts
Sugar bee

I agree with PPs, the issue isn’t so much the amount of debt but what he’s doing to get it paid off. The type of debt worries me as well. While student loan debt doesn’t alarm me at all (with a payment plan in place) being an independent contractor is no excuse to get behind on your taxes. All you have to do is take the tax money out of your paycheck and put it into savings until tax time. My Fiance does this and it’s really not difficult.

I will also say that I was out of work without unemployment for two years and I still didn’t manage to rack up $15k in credit card debt. The debt I did rack up I started paying down immediately after I became employed and finished paying all of my CC debt off (just last week). I think your Fiance needs a real reality check and to learn some self control. Please get him in touch with a financial advisor to sort it out before you get married.

Post # 41
8941 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

I agree with PPs that I would be really worried about the tax debt.  If you decide to get married now, I would file seperatly from him because you will lose any refund that you might be due to his tax lien.

He needs to get a handle on his spending and income and also to start making quarterly estimated payments as a self-employed person if he isn’t doing that already.  Also, don’t forget that he pays a higher percentage of taxes than a regular employed person.  Put money from every payment away to save for this and send it to the IRS.

Be careful with the IRS payments, I have heard of a lot of people who try to pay debt without a plan and the payments don’t end up getting put against the correct account.  If you can, start saving up money to pay it off once they set up the payment plan.

Post # 42
700 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

Did anyone actually read my reply suggesting bk as an option?  Or did you all just start shouting “NO BANKRUPTCY” out of reflex?

I suggested that the OP speak to a financial advisor or attorney ASAP.

I stated that bk *might* be an option (which is true).  I didn’t state it is what he should do.

I stated that there are different types of bk, including a reorgnaization, that they could explore. 

Some tax debt is dischargable under bk code.  Again, the OP’s Fiance would need to consult the proper professionals.

Should this guy just buckle down and repay his debt?  Yup.  Do I think that someone with his kind of spending habits is going to suddenly take 50% or more of his salary and repay a debt that is *at least* $80,000?  Nope. 

So I see that the OP has limited options.  She can marry him and his debt, as is.  She can take over his finances and play money-mommy, hoping he doesn’t continue to outspend her ability to save.  She can make his repayment of the debt a prerequisite to marriage.  Or, she can explore legal avenues, including prenuptial agreements or bankruptcy. 


Post # 43
99 posts
Worker bee

Don’t marry him until A) his debt is paid off  and B) he grows up.

Unless of course, you WANT to be his mommy instead of his wife. And to inherit half his debt the instant you say “I do”.  Don’t be blinded by dollar signs of his “good fortune” – contracts can (and do) magically disappear in a second.  And potential earnings are not guaranteed – ever hear the expression “a bird in hand is worth 2 in the bush?”

Because, as I see it – he’s an immature, irresponsible, broke liar (he deliberately hid his debt from you) whose priorities are completely out of order who’s walking a financial tightrope with no safety net.  Sure, he might have the pretty words to woo you with, but his actions are screaming “red flags”.  And none of those actions appear to be taking control of his own destiny and fixing his financial mess.  To add insult to injury, he got himself into this mess and he wants YOU to help get him out? Own your mistakes boy, and learn from them. 

Postpone the wedding until he shapes up. If he’s as great as you say he is –  he’ll respect you for standing your ground.  And remember – actions speak louder than words.

Post # 44
4090 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

Maybe download iTunes and go get all the FREE Suze Orman podcasts.  There are people on the show just like your Fiance – make a hefty salary, but yet have nothing saved and are in debt.

Make a date out of it!  I think you two need to be in each others’ financial lives so that you knw what youre getting into – habits, balances, values, theories and all.  Don’t consider any of that taboo.

Post # 45
518 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

Yikes, well..when you get married make sure you don’t combine finances. I’m not a tax attorney but I believe if he owes back taxes they can come for you too once you’re married.

Post # 46
134 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I don’t have a problem marrying someone with student loan debt if they actually got a college degree and have a decent job because I know they will be able to pay it off. I hate credit card debt and unless you are in some emergency things do not need to be put on a credit card. (Shopping does not equal an emergency!)

The topic ‘Marrying someone with debt’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors