Marrying Somone With a Major Age gap

posted 7 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
1844 posts
Buzzing bee

We have a 7 year age gap, which is not major according to your standards, but I personally believe it depends on what stage of life you are at for that time.

My father and step mothe rhave a 14 year age gap. At my age I would never dream of marrying someone 14 years younger than myself! (my father is younger 14 years) but it makes sense for them as they are at similar life stages. I honestly don’t see thier relationshp going anywhere any time soon, and they have been married for 10 years so I would call that long term success.

Post # 4
Member
548 posts
Busy bee

Two of my friends have parents with what I’d call major age gaps.

One of them has a father who is 15 years older than her mother. They’ve been married for the past 30 years, and are still together. Then again, they are both from a culture where divorce is not an option.

Another friend of mine has a father who is 8-10 years older than her mother (don’t remember for sure). They are divorcing after ~25 or so years together.

I think these relationships have a chance for long-term success, but it really depends on the couple and their relationship.

Post # 5
Member
1626 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

I think it depends on many factors, but I’d say like a 40/60 match probably has better chances than a 20/40 match…the first match probably won’t be worrying about if they should have kids together, probably are both established…I guess the age differences melt away a bit more for older couples

Post # 6
Member
379 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

Both my mom and sister are in relationships similar to that. My mom married a man ten years younger and her and my sister’s boyfriend is ten years older than she is. It works for them and the relationships they have and as far as I know it’s never been an issue. Your heart can’t tell the difference and it’s no one else’s business! ๐Ÿ™‚ 

Post # 7
Member
1855 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Fiance and I have a 21 yr gap (I’m 28, he’s 49), and it’s honestly just a number to us.  Occassionally he’ll reference something that happened before I was born, and he’s close in age to my parents which is sometimes awkward, but it works for us.  We’re not worrying about having kids with each other (we each have a child already and are happy as is), so that’s not a factor.  We’re blissfully in love and compliment each others lifestyles.  We don’t worry about the staying power of the relationship.  There is obviously the concern for health/longevity, but in most cases he’s healthier than I am, and catastrophes can happen to anyone.

Post # 8
Member
1470 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

age is a factor, but more importanly the  people have to be in the same stage of life and on the same page.  Somthing you have to think about is that if a 25 year old is marrying a 45 year old, even on the same page and in the same stage of life, he will be ready to slow down a lot faster and will not be around as long since he will be 75 when the other peroson will be 55. 

it can be hard when it gets to the point of one person still being active in life and the other person ready to go to a retirement home

Post # 9
Member
4755 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

It can work, but more often than not, I don’t think it does work. I’m not a believer in “just a number”. Also depends on the ages like another member says.

 

18 and 38: not so likely

58 and 78: much more likely

 

It has to do with life goals if you want kids and you’re 25 and your partner is going on 50… err just think about it. If you don’t want kids… well then makes more sense. Your ‘heart’ might not be able to tell, but your body doesn’t lie.

 

Post # 10
Member
10366 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

I think it plays a factor in reproduction, late in life care, and retirement hopes and plans.

If someone doesn’t want kids, doesn’t mind being a widow early in life, and doesn’t mind not being able to retire with her husband (or vice verse if the age difference is reversed), then by all means go for it.

I don[t think it makes a difference when it comes to the connection and love, though. Once you’re an adult, I think it’s pretty equal.

Post # 12
Member
4324 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 1992

@jwinnings:  Ideally, 5 years in either direction would be MY limit, but my limit may not work for everyone. 10 years, tops.

Post # 13
Member
359 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

In her 2nd marriage my Grandma married a man who is 17 years younger than her. They have been married for over 20 years, and are still happy. ๐Ÿ™‚ Age is just a number!!!

Post # 14
Member
1103 posts
Bumble bee

@jwinnings:  When my friends & I were younger and dating around, we called it the “decade rule” – and if they were older by more than a decade, they just had to be closer to our age than our parents’ age ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 15
Member
4354 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2018

Just a number.

SO is [almost] 12 years older than me.  It’s a non issue. I’ve dated people almost 20 years older and it’s never been a problem.

My only concern would be “being in the same place” regarding kids and hopes for the future. (my ex and I weren’t, but SO and I are)  And possibly more morbid things like life expectancy.  But live for the moment.  I’d rather be happy with a guy 20 years+ but be “alone” in old age than marry someone because they’re closer in age but end up being unhappy.

Does that make sense?

As it is, I’m a waitingbee so 12 years is my max these days ๐Ÿ™‚

ETA: I just wanted to add that when I was 18 I was dating a 35 year old, I don’t think it matters how old you are.  Though if one is a minor, then I guess that’s different…

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