- 5 years ago
- Wedding: March 2014
My friend and I were recently having a debate about what drives divorce.
I believe that most of the time, divorce happens because people marry the wrong person in the first place. They marry too young before they know who they are and what the want in a partner or they marry someone they don’t know well enough. They ignore red flags and don’t talk about dealbreaker issues. A lot of people in my family have been divorced (including my father and brother) and gone on to have long and happy second marriages. Clearly the issue was that they married the wrong person because if they just didn’t want to put in the work, they wouldn’t have been able to be happy the second time around.
(As an aside, this has caused me to freak out a lot now that S/O and I are in the “pre-engaged” stage-I’m scared of choosing wrong because if I do choose wrong there is nothing that will prevent me from getting divorced).
My friend believes on the other hand that people have unrealistic expectations about marriage and that they end up divorce because they don’t want to put in the hard work to make their marriage succeed. They just give up instead of facing problems. (She’s been married for eight years and has two kids BTW).
Of course there’s also a third option-you marry the right person for you at the time and work hard at the marriage but one or both parties change too much in subsequent years to keep the marriage going.
Or is it a combination of all things?