Post # 1
My fiance and I have barely started planning even though we’re supposed to be getting married on December 6th of this year and I think I want to postpone it but not because I don’t love him. The issue is my looks. I’ve struggled with my weight my entire life and it’s gotten so bad (at least to me) that I avoid any and all mirrors to the point where I do my makeup without one and look at my feet when in a mirrored elevator. I have 7 months to drop as much weight as possible and I’ve grown obsessed with it because I don’t want my picture taken and there are judgemental people being invited and this would just be another excuse for them to do so.
One night this last week I already had to take a sleep aid to be able to sleep and when i talked to my fiance about it, I began crying and begging him to allow me to postpone the wedding. His response was to offer to pay for my WeightWatchers membership (I dropped 20 pounds the first time I did it but had to quit before I could make any more progress) and go with me to exercise and if I’m still unhappy in a few months that he would consider it. All of this is just made worse by the lack of support system I have living here as I still haven’t made any friends and wouldn’t be able to talk candidly to anyone because most of the people in this town know his family and anything negative, no matter how small, would make it back to everyone. I really don’t know if I can do this and to go through with that full wedding without being at least 120 pounds lighter seems wrong. Why spend $3,500 on a photographer when I’ll never look at my pictures or spend $1,000 on a dress that I’ll look shitty in and won’t want to see pictures of?
Post # 3
Have you tried on any wedding dresses? Corset backs can do wonders for a figure, cinching you in at all the right places.
Weight Watchers is a great idea. It sounds as though your fiance is supportive, and he doesn’t mind what weight you are. He just wants to marry you. If you stick to Weight Watchers, you could lose a lot of weight by December.
Do you have to invite the judgemental people? Could you make your wedding a bit smaller? Just invite the people who love and support you, and skip over the judgemental ones. I’m doing that at our wedding. It is your wedding. You really don’t have to feel obligated to ask anyone you don’t want to it.
Post # 4
Have you ever seen a counselor? Some anxiety is a normal part of life, but it doesn’t have to be this overwhelming. I lived in Rochester and you can absolutely get free services through churches, even if you’re not a member or not religious at all.
Post # 5
Unfortunately not inviting the judge-y ones would only cause more drama for us than just inviting them and dealing with it. I haven’t had the opportunity to try on dresses yet, mostly because after moving countries, I haven’t found a bridal shop like David’s. However I did see a dress there with my mom before I moved and I fell in love with it. It’s V3469 and it does have a corset back so hopefully that makes a big difference. I think I’m just angry that I didn’t just stick with WeightWatchers when I did it almost 7 years ago.
Post # 6
@Zephi: You can lose a good amount of weight in 7 months. Get back on weight watchers and start eating healthy and working out 4-5 times a week. If you lose 1 pound a week (which would be a healthy rate), you could lose almost 30 pounds by the time of your wedding.
No one is going to do it for you – you have to make the change for yourself. Also, don’t just see it as “getting skinng for the wedding”, really committ yourself to making a lifestyle change so it doesn’t all pile back on after the wedding is over. Don’t do crash diets because you’ll end up gaining it all back.
As for the way you view yourself, I think you need to see a counselor. Not looking in mirrors, etc. to me is a sign that your anxiety is unmanageable without professional help and you have an unhealthy body image. I am sure you are beautiful! And just remember – your fiance loves you the way that you are and that’s the most important thing in the world.
Post # 7
Have you considered weight watchers online? x
Post # 8
@Zephi: Hi there. I’m sorry you are struggling so badly. I get what you are saying because I come from a similar background of struggling with my weight by 100 pounds or more. Self-loathing is a real bitch.
First of all, it sounds like your Fiance is trying his very best to support you. It was very kind of him to pay for your WW and go exercise with you. How wonderful of him to pitch in like a teammate and support you. I hope his offer made you happy and feel treasured upon reflection.
Secondly, you do need support. If you live in a small town where everyone knows everybody else, go outside your town to the next town or next city. If you can find good support but it’s 30 minutes or an hour to obtain it, do it! It’s a small price to pay to build your confidence and learn that you are WORTH IT!
Thirdly, I understand not feeling beautiful and judging yourself. It’s a terrible feeling, it really is. However, I think you need to speak with someone to help you recognize your inherent self-worth and just how much you mean to this world, whether you are a size 4 or size 24. People who love you want to celebrate with you no matter what your size. Your Fiance is ready to marry you regardless of your weight as well. It sounds like everyone who counts is willing to love you and support you. If you could speak with a therapist about this more, you might start to realize that despite your weight, you are a person who is worthy of love, self-respect, admiration and more! You can also seek out Overeater’s Anonymous.
Lastly, you might want to consider speaking with a personal trainer. Yes, they might be fit but many of them come from a background of weight and fitness struggles too. I work with a trainer and it’s hard but it gets me to the gym and keeps me accountable.
Post # 9
@Zephi: I live in Webster – I’m sorry you haven’t been able to meet many people whom you would consider a friend. If you do decide to go forward with the wedding I would be happy to talk wedding things with you one local to another for vendor recommendations and things. 🙂
I see a therapist for a different reason and they can be a great resource. I do think it will help with the anxiety – I see mine for panic attacks.
Also, there are many great independent bridal salons in Rochester and the suburbs. Truly, don’t let that deter you from being excited for dresses. I have seen so, so many beautiful plus size brides that ROCK their gowns. 🙂
Post # 10
As for weight loss, I use MFP (myfitnesspal) and love it. MFP lets you add friends, track calories, ask questions in the forum, etc. It’s become a good source of support for me as I lose weight (25 lbs so far!)
Post # 11
Sorry you’re so stressed. Try to take a few minutes everyday to think about how awesome it is that you’re spending the rest of your life with someone you love!
I have a fitbit and it’s great for tracking calories in and out in a fun way. There’s also an optional social aspect to the app that might get you in touch with some others reaching for similar goals.
I am concerned about the fact that your fiance won’t consider postponing the wedding… What’s the rush? Maybe you could have a courthouse marriage then have a huge party for your 1 (or 5) year anniversary? That might take some of the pressure off.
Post # 12
@Zephi: You should probably talk to a therapist. Also, join Weight Watchers again. You say you don’t have a support system but WW is a support system if you go to the meetings. Only you have the power to change your own life – don’t quit, just focus on your goal. I’m 6 pounds away from my goal weight and every time I’m working out and feel like quitting because it’s hard I picture myself on my wedding day. It really helps!
Post # 13
OP I strongly suggest looking into a counslor to talk to about this, anxiety sometimes gets out of control before we know it, and we don’t realize it doesn’t have to be so hard. please think about it, it can’t hurt right?
Post # 14
@Zephi: get healthy for life, not skinny for a wedding.
Its possible, don’t give up!! Personal experience speaking. I lost almost 100 pounds when I was 19/20.
Commit yourself to a healthy lifestyle: for you. Not for them, not for him, not for the pictures. Because YOU want to be strong and healthy.
The mental attitude towards it makes ALL the difference. I was overweight my whole life and tried a lot of things. Deciding to be a healthy person as a whole is the only thing that really made me change.
You can do it. Say it out loud. I will be fit, I will be healthy.
It IS possible!!
Post # 15
I forgot to mention that I’ve moved from Rochester, NY to the Taranaki region of New Zealand. That’s why I’m currently lacking a solid support system outside of my fiance and the weekly phone call to check on my grandmother and my immediate family. I love how supportive my fiance is and that he is so willing to help me work on my issues, he always tells me how much he loves me regardless of my weight although he can admit that it’s not healthy and he wants to spend forever with me.
I’m signing up for weight watchers online here (mostly because I can’t find a physical meeting in town to save my life) and starting Monday. FI is going to be my accountability person and we’re buying new yoga mats so I can go back to the routine I had before moving. We’ll see how much weight I can lose in enough time to buy my wedding dress and get it fitted.
Thanks for all the support!
Post # 16
@Zephi: That’s great! You sound much more positive.