(Closed) Massive difference in incomes. Would it bother you if your SO made way less?

posted 5 years ago in Relationships
  • poll: Would it bother you if your salary was many multiples of your husband's?
    Yes : (69 votes)
    23 %
    No : (164 votes)
    55 %
    Maybe a little bit : (63 votes)
    21 %
  • Post # 3
    2250 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: August 2010

    @RN:  It wouldn’t bother me at all.

    Yes, money can be a big issue. I would be thankful that we make enough to live a good life, regardless of who is bringing in what. As long as one isn’t working their ass off while the other lounges around doing zip, I don’t really see the problem.

    Post # 4
    11747 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 1999

    As long as we both worked hard, had similar spending habits and financial goals and could pay the bills, I wouldn’t have an issue with it.  I can see how a man may have an issue with it – but at the same time, he needs to get over it!  Honestly, I would find a carpenter VERY valuable around our house and sometimes wish my Darling Husband was more handy, even if it meant he made less money!  There are more ways to bring value to a family then just financials.

    Post # 5
    427 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: November 1999

    @RN:  My Fiance is an apprentice plumber at the moment and he’s currently earning about half of what I’m getting. We’ve always had our own money and in abuot 2 years when he’s earning double or more what I am, we will still do the same thing. We will help each other out obviously but most of our expenses are split 50/50 and whatever you have left over is your play money. 🙂

    This will no doubt change when we have kids, but for now it works for us and it makes Fiance feel good about where we are at together, because we got there equally.

    In terms of the wedding I will probably pay for more stuff or put a bit extra aside, but mostly it’ll be 50/50 us both putting money away 🙂

    Post # 6
    905 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: February 2014

    If I were earning bucketloads of money and he were earning a small amount I’m pretty sure we’d both be OK with it. We got together when we were both making a pittance, so it’s kind of our baseline and if one of us rockets above it, all the better. As long as SOMEONE is making enough money for us to live comfortably, we’ll both be happy.

    Two of my bridesmaids make significantly more than their husbands, actually. Both couples are crazy happy and it’s not an issue for them.

    Post # 7
    361 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: September 2013

    I said no, as I currently make well over what my Fiance makes.. He is just changed careers, and is very good at his job, but it will take a few years to make more than me.. (at my current job, I’m going back to to school, and if I get a job in the field I am going back to school for, my pay will increase significantly)… 

    You may want to add to your poll, whether or not, your SO is bothered.  I know my Fiance is bothered by it, not because I make more than him, but because he doesn’t think (and isn’t) paid what he is worth due to the career change.

    Post # 8
    1360 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: November 2014

    It wouldn’t bother me but it would probably bother Fiance. He isn’t sexist or a macho man in that sense, but he is a manly man (I hope I’m making sense), so I do think he would feel like he wasn’t taking care of me and ‘failing’ at his duty. Which of course is ridiculous since there is more to marriage than money, eventually I’m sure he would get over it though. I also think it has to do with how your sister handles it, for example, personally I believe saying that she is taking care financially of him wasn’t a wise choice of words, since it emphasizes his fears and his feelings instead of calming them. Maybe a more appropriate/thoughtful wording would have been something along the lines of: we are both working towards our future together, we’re a team and have different but equally as valuable things to offer. In the end how we get there isn’t as important as the fact as getting there and enjoying the experiences which these things entail with each other, since that is the whole point of being in a relationship. Something to emphasize how important he is and how unimportant who does what is since it is for both of them in the end.

    Post # 9
    770 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: September 2013

    I make waaayyy less than my Fiance, and it bothers me a lot. We’re both hoping that eventually I will make more than him. He’s proud of my accomplishments and wants me to be as successful as I can.

    Post # 10
    706 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2011

    It wouldn’t bother me.  When Fiance and first started dating and then living together, I made about 20% more than him.  Now, we’ve both had periods of grad school/unemployment and now both make about the same (he makes maybe $1k more than me). 

    We’ve had our ups and downs with money, but overall, as long as WE have the amount needed to live the lifestyle we prefer, we’re happy.

    Post # 11
    578 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: December 2014

    @RN:  It wouldn’t bother me. As long as my husband had a job, I’d just be happy that at least he isn’t living off only my salary. 7x more is a lot so I could understand why her husband feels a bit worthless, but it shouldn’t change their relationship if they love each other and both work.

    Post # 13
    6355 posts
    Bee Keeper

    Hmm, does she make enough to be the sole breadwinner, at least for a while?

    Does he love being a carpenter or just like it?

    This could be a great opportunity for him to change vocations, be that to being a househusband/stay-at-home-dad, starting up a low-upfront-capital business (whittled artistic pieces on etsy perhaps?), or maybe getting some education or training for that career he’s always privately dreamed of but never really thought he’d get a shot at.

    These are some of the utilitarian benefits of partnering up. You don’t compete, even mentally, against your own team… when she wins, he wins, and vice versa. And because they have two bodies, they can do more as a team than they each ever could have done alone…

    At various points in time, my Fiance and I have made more than the other. It wasn’t a problem.

    I love the Beatles song about this… Obladee, Oblada.

    Post # 14
    905 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: December 2013

    I didn’t fall in love with my fiance for his salary.

    Post # 15
    1326 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: July 2013

    I guess I’m going to be the only one here who says that I would mind. I’d prefer to not have drastically uneven incomes, particularly if my husband made a lot less. I know it would bother him deeply and he’d never get over feeling like a failure.

    Post # 16
    9053 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: June 2010

    I don’t think so.  Currently Darling Husband makes double what I make, and we both just kind of view it as more resources for Team SapphireSuns.  The only reason I’m kind of bummed about making less is because I know I’m overqualified/underpaid for my job, but he knows I work hard at a full time job, and realizes it’s his job that at least partially MAKES it difficult for me to pursue opportunities that would pay me more.  It might be different if I was sitting at home taking advantage of him.  I think as long as they’re good about being open about their spending and both appreciate that the other is working hard, actual monetary renumeration for that work will hopefully be less of a problem.


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