- 9 months ago
- Wedding: December 2014
I recently wrote another post about this incident but there have been some developments… I am genuinely surprised by the whole situation!
Ill try and summaries, my husband and I relocated across the country last year, he then deployed for the year. My best friend of 10 years (MOH at our wedding) also moved to the same city a few months before we did (this is the first time in 6 years we have lived near each other YAY!). My main social group became the ‘military group’ (the guys my husband works with and their wives). They are awesome, it’s a very social group and there is typically one get together a week. After my birthday party (where I had different groups of friends get together) she seemed to get on well with the military group and I started bringing her along to the social activates, not every time but often. As time progressed, her behavior became increasingly inappropriate around the military group, loud, obnoxious, lots of alcohol, constantly dominating conversations around her. She is military but a different branch and claims that she is ‘one of the boys’ and that she can get away with her behavior because she in military as well. She becomes very flirtatious with the guys (in front of their partners) and often ignores the women. It was developing into the point where I would make suggestions for her and I to go to dinner, take the dogs for a walk, meet for brunch, Netflix nights in. Instead she’d want to go out with the military group and turn a chilled night out into getting drunk, insisting on going dancing and demanding that everyone help her find a tinder guy for the night. The entire group is couples in committed relationships, we like to have fun but there is a limit! About three months ago she asked if her and I could stop hanging out as much because she felt we were becoming too dependent on each other and spending too much time together. Not and issue on my behalf, we both needed some space. But she made it clear that she fully intended to attend the social activities with my husbands work friends. This itself isn’t an issue, but as her behavior has deteriorated she has stopped being invited and included in social activities, instead she will find out that there is something happening from one of the males and invite herself along. It was frustrating not being able to socialize without her inviting herself along. I was also constantly financing her as she is terrible with money (this is after she asked if we could stop hanging out as much at events she invited herself to) and I end up paying her share for meals, drinks and events (and I make 30% less than she does!). I’ve had a few of the women make comments about her and the way she acts and my husband has become concerned because he is tired of her behavior around his friends so I decided to have a word with her. I took her out for dinner, and I asked her to take a step back, and spend some time with the other large group of friends she hasn’t seen in this city for a while. She asked to take some space from our friendship at the start of the year but is still around every social activity I attend and actively blocks me when my husband and I try and make plans with other couples. I explained that she didn’t want to spend as much time with me which was fine but I couldn’t stop socializing with my husbands work friends. She was understandably angry and upset, Yes, she made friends with this group but her behavior has been making people in the group, especially the women uncomfortable for a long time. She asked for some time to process me asking for some space (2 months after she asked me to take some space) and for time to think. I am very confused at this point. I thought her asking if we could spend less time together would mean we spent less time together…
The development… I know there are a few things going on with my best friend at the moment (which explains why she is drinking, partying and being promiscuous) and I am trying to be here for her in a healthy way. I spoke to her yesterday because she keeps blowing me off everytime I reach out to her. It was via messenger because she wont take my calls. She has told me that she cant be around me anymore, that has never been this hurt by someone and that I have been a really bad friend. She told me I wasn’t a strong woman and that I wasn’t who she thought I was. She continued to say that she need time and space to heal and process how badly I made her feel and that I bring nothing positive to her life. I am pretty surprised. I told her I am still her friend even if she doesn’t want to be mine anymore. I was not expecting her reaction. She asked for space and boundaries from our relationship in January… I asked for the same thing after she ignored her own request. She keeps posting long comments on social media about empowerment and cutting away anything toxic from your life, how people in your life who aren’t supporting you should be out of your life. I am genuinely surprised by the whole situation. Sorry about the vent!