Post # 1
I am absolutely devastated by recent events with regards to Coronavirus. I was due to get married in April. This will not be happening, and I have no other date in mind. We were due to have our honeymoon and carry on living our lives but everything is now on hold. Our caterers are dictating that we need to reschedule before April 2020 but my partner doesn’t want a February wedding (this was the only date the other suppliers could manage). I am trying to explain that we will lose out on dates if we don’t reschedule quick but he’s not being receptive and is accusing me of being immature, his default reaction whenever I am upset about anything. I am desperate to get married fairly quickly due to my father being ill and potentially not being around for many years in the future but my partner doesn’t accept this. I want to have children but I feel that everything is held up by this uncertainly. We were due to get married next month so I’m absolutely devastated by the thought of everything being pushed potentially years into the future due to lack of availability of dates to reschedule. It just feels so unfair. I just feel as though nothing in my life is going right now I accept that everyone is affected by this but it seems like we have had more plans cancelled than most. There is an element of uncertainty with regards to my job. Last year we bought a property together but moved out due to unbearable noise coming form neighbours. We started renting out another apartment with the aim of renting out the apartment we bought but have found that this new property is nearly as noisy with children thundering around the flat above all day. Now I am being forced to endure this noise while working from home for the foreseeable future, am awaiting news of my dad’s latest scan, have lost my sense of taste and smell due to some cold virus which may well be COVID-19 and I have absolutely nothing to look forward to when this pandemic is over. I am as unhappy as I have ever been and I’m struggling with what the point of it all is. There have been so so many disappointments recently and I really can’t take any more bad news. Not even having a wedding to look forward to is the nail in the coffin.
Any kind words or advice would be much appreciated.
Post # 2
You don’t have to have a wedding to get married. Can you guys go to the city hall and have your wedding later. That might give you something to look forward to
Post # 3
Sounds like your problem is that your fiance is an insensitive asshole, not coronavirus.
I understand when you first find out your wedding is canceled it would be devastating, but surely after a week or so the fact that it is a global pandemic sinks in and puts everything in perspective. Like at this point who the F cares if your preference wasn’t a February wedding, or you wanted pink flowers initially…isn’t the important thing now to get married?
I would be really annoyed that your fiance is finding all sorts of reasons to avoid committing to rescheduling, or changing to a smaller event sooner. Did you have to push him to propose by any chance?
Post # 4
Oh, bee. I am so sorry. First of all, you father is in my thoughts and prayers. I think you should get tested if that is possible. I believe that having some certainty about your own health will give you at least a little peace of mind.
Would you consider doing a very small family only wedding on your orignal date? You could then do a post Covid-19 celebration with friends and family later. That might help you stay on the timeline that you originally had. I know that this whole Corona thing has upended our world. Please know that we are being asked to do things differently, but we can still do things. Be gentle with yourself. Men handle stress differently than we do, and it is likely that your Fiance is also feeling a load of it,too.
I am sending loads of love, light and prayers from sunny West Texas!!
Post # 5
Thanks so much for your comments, I certainly wouldn’t mind having only an official ceremony with family, unfortunately however wedding ceremonies are now bannned in the UK where I’m located so I’m not sure when we would be able to do that even!
Post # 6
While I hope your father is ok….
You should look at the bigger picture here, there are people that are dealing with far more pertanent issues due to this pandemic, there are people who are facing homelessness that would love nothing more than to live in an apartment even it it were loud. You have to stop and think about what you are thankful for during this time. You have a roof over your head, you will get married eventually, this is a really stressful time for most everyone, and it’s hard not to focus on the negatives, but during a pandemic life has to be adjusted… we’ve all had to make adjustments.. it’s not easy but it’s necessary. Once things start getting back to normal why don’t you get legally married and have a big celebration later and if that doesn’t work then you will have to wait…there isn’t anything you or anyone else can do to control what is going on in the world right now. Just take a deep breath and realize sometimes things don’t always go the way we intend… that’s just life in general, and especially right now. Maybe .. do some self care at home to relieve some stess.
Post # 7
I’m sorry you’re going through this. The circumstances are certainly taking a mental and emotional toll on everyone… I don’t think anyone on this board every dreamed a pandemic would be an issue they would face when planning their wedding. I hope you are able to find some peace of mind soon.
Post # 8
It sounds like your main issue with the wedding isn’t that your original date is a no go, it’s that your fiance refuses to work with you to make the wedding happen, and is insulting you on top of it. It’s concerning that he makes a habit of calling you immature whenever you’re unhappy, and that he cares more about the month of the wedding than about marrying you. Now is the perfect time to consider whether marrying him is the right move for you. The two of you should be working together right now and supporting each other through this. If he can’t do that, what makes you want to intertwine your life with his, and have children with him?
Post # 9
I know I would have been upset if I was in your shoes, so I’m not trying to minimize that. If I was you though I would be taking refunds from all vendors that let me and I would just book a registry wedding as soon as the UK comes out of lockdown.
Treat it as a blessing in disguise, you have your health, your jobs, hopefully your father recovers and you will even have a bit of a nest egg from some of the vendor refunds. Focus on your blessings and your life going forward, have kids sooner.
However, your problem here seems to be your fiance. Not sure what you should do about him to be honest.
Post # 10
It sounds like you are going through a great deal, OP, and I really feel for you. I’m just chiming in because my wedding date is April 18th, we invited 220 people, and had lots of plans surrounding bachelor and bachelorette, rehearsal dinner, etc. That is all gone now.
The last week and a half has been hell trying to cancel and reorganize everything, there have been heartbreak and tears, and a bit of back and forth with my future in laws whether we should continue with the ceremony. We decided to go through with our wedding on the 18th, because we planned financially to be married at this stage in our lives, love each other immensely and we both are ready to get married now. It’s devastating that our families and dear friends won’t be able to attend (just our parents), but we figured it doesn’t make sense to put our lives on hold for this – we’ll have to make the best of it.
We asked all of our vendors if they would consider returning deposits due to circumstances, and so far, 2/3 of them have said yes, which has been a huge help. The rest of them said they would re assign the deposits to a new date. We plan to hold a vow renewal and reception sometime in the next year so that our families and friends can celebrate with us.
Im just sharing my story with you because yours resonates with me, and just in case you and your fiancé might be willing to consider an intimate ceremony now, and reschedule your party for later. It truly sucks – I really feel you. But we’re trying to see the bright side – all the stressful parts of a the wedding day are now gone, and we can really appreciate what’s actually one of the most intimate moments so far in our relationship without worrying about food, djs, whether everyone is in the right place at the right time. We can truly make the day about us. And it will be memorable for different reasons than it just being a huge party. You might be able to add elements to the day that otherwise you wouldn’t have been able to, to make it special.
You’re in my thoughts and prayers in the meantime! Wishing you all the best
Post # 11
Maybe this is a blessing in disguise. Sounds like you two have some issues that need resolving. You say his default whenever your upset is to call you immature. You know that’s not ok right? Focus on that and trying to figure out if you can work on communication or if he is even the right person if that is his MO.
Post # 12
Um, loss of taste and smell is a symptom of Coronavirus. I would be more concerned with that than the wedding. Get married at city hall, then plan the reception. Perhaps there would be more dates available if you did a Friday evening or Sunday afternoon event?
Post # 13
Oh, Bee, I’m sorry about your father and I understand your frustration with having to postpone your wedding.
I am concerned about this: I am trying to explain that we will lose out on dates if we don’t reschedule quick but he’s not being receptive and is accusing me of being immature, his default reaction whenever I am upset about anything. I’m sure you know this is not how people deal with one another in a healthy relationship. Perhaps the silver lining is you’ll have more time to address these issues.
To everyone suggesting getting married at the courthouse/city hall/etc. — for a lot of us Covid-19 means county/regional/registry offices, city halls and courthouses are closed–can’t even get a marriage license.
Post # 14
So sorry to hear about your situation. I read this article yesterday. Just to be safe I wouldn’t come into contact with others if possible. https://www.nytimes.com/2020/03/22/health/coronavirus-symptoms-smell-taste.html.
Post # 15
Loss of smell and taste is one of the symptoms/effects of coronavirus.
I’m sorry about your April wedding. Your fiance needs to be more agreeable given what people are facing these days. The fact that he’s this rigid in his thinking is a real problem, now and in the future.