(Closed) scaling down – how to uninvite?

posted 5 years ago in Guests
Post # 121
215 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2017

You can’t un-invite people, even if it was not a formal invitation, especially if they have attended your wedding shower – UNLESS you are willing to lose a lot of friends.


I thought I had problems because I bumped into a girl I can’t stand, after having had a couple of drinks and being quite ‘merry’, and alcohol made me do the ‘let’s be friends!’ thing and told her she should come to our wedding. Sober me wonders why the hell I have invited a girl who is rude, flirts with my Fiance and will cause me anxiety all day to my wedding. But I already told her about it, so now I’ve got to suck it up. Much smaller scale to your problem! But I think you can’t uninvite without being rude.

Post # 122
7931 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 1997

Perhaps the reason someone posted your original post was to demonstrate that things are worse than you are making them out to be. You said in that post that you DID send out STDs and invitations, and that you were going to call and “uninvite” people. That is significantly different from not having sent out invitations. But either way, and no matter what you might WANT to hear, neither scenario is okay; both are majorly offensive to those who were invited to the previous events or to those who have received either STDs or invitations. There simply is no way to make this better, which is why everyone is kind of at a loss for offering advice. There is no advice to make this even remotely acceptable unless the event (the wedding) were cancelled, which is probably why people are suggesting that. But you are flat-out lying, either in your OP here or in the one you posted previously, so it isn’t probable that anyone will believe the excuses that you did not mention in either OP (having been out of work for 6 months is a significant factor, and I cannot imagine why you would not have mentioned that in either post). You have also resorted to name-calling, which makes it clear that you don’t really want advice; you want people to agree with you or tell you everything is fine. It isn’t, and there apparently is nothing you are willing to do to make it fine, either. So… good luck with that.

Post # 123
771 posts
Busy bee

View original reply
smalltownbigworld :  I have to add something to what you said. Did anyone read an update that she said her dress was a hand-me-down and just recently she said her dress isn’t included in the break down of the overall cost? Weird.

Post # 124
3662 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2017 - City, State

People can only respond based on the information you provide. If you believed the details you included in your most recent post were important factors that played a significant role in your current situation, then it would have been helpful to provide them. If you didn’t think they were important enough (or were too personal) to share, than you can’t fault people for reaching a conclusion based on the limited information they were given.

You’re going to do whatever you want to do anyway, so just go ahead and own it and do it.

Post # 125
184 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

View original reply
hollyemma :  Why do you care about not being rude to someone who flirts with your FI!? Blame alcohol, you don’t remember inviting her ;P 

Post # 126
4994 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

View original reply
futuremrssss :  I think you need to learn to take valid criticism without lashing out. You came on here for advice. People took the time to write you a response….you shouldn’t get all bent out of shape when they tell you the truth. Trust me anything said on here regarding your situation will be repeated by your guests in private when they don’t get a wedding invite….

As for your situation. You have 3 options.

1.You cancel the whole thing and have a private elopement.

2. You postpone your wedding and save enough to cover all your guests that you invited to pre wedding functions. 

3. You cancel your venue/ suppliers and take a hit with the lost deposits or use the deposit towards a cheaper package. For example less hours with photographer, smaller bouquets etc.Whatever budget you have left is what you plan your wedding with to accommodate all your guests. If your wedding becomes a hog roast party in a hall or park then so be it….

You cannot and should not host a party and uninvite your guests especially if they’ve gone to your pre party events and got you a gift. Postpone if you have to if budget is the genuine issue. If social anxiety is your main justification then you will have to deal and you should of thought about it before. You also didn’t have an issue with it when you hosted two  pre wedding parties.

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