(Closed) [Massive Vent] Sister-in-law Drama

posted 5 years ago in Family
Post # 4
34 posts
  • Wedding: January 2013

I’d be annoyed too…. It smacks of jealousy!

Post # 5
46331 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@petalpetal:  Be grateful they picked a date two months after your wedding. It could have been two months before yoour wedding. Maybe the ring wouldn’t have been the only thing she copied.

At least this way, if she does copy any of your ideas, it wil be obvious.

Post # 6
66 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

Vent all you want! 

She seriously sounds jealous because her marriage is on the rocks, but what I don’t get is why take it out on you?

You’re her SIL and she should be happy about your future wedding, not try to create competition. From the sound of it she’s is a one-upper. I hope she doesn’t try and steal your wedding ideas, since she seems keen on stealing your engagement ring. 

I’d be so mad!

I wonder what your brother thinks of all this, and why he allowed her to pick the date so close to yours.


Post # 7
24 posts
  • Wedding: May 2013

Sounds very, very frustrating. She definitely seems jealous to me. Not to be mean, but maybe their vow renewal won’t even happen under all the conditions you posted?

Post # 8
840 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

she sounds very hurt and confused. she must be in a tough situation because of your brother’s less-than-stellar behaviour. I’d cut her some slack and try to be understanding, even if it’s annoying. gosh, 4 babies and an unloving cheating husband, I’d be at least a little sad/jealous/crazy too!

Post # 9
1724 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 1998

While I agree the woman’s handling of it is poor (making comparisons between your brother and future husband, planning events around the time it happens), I can’t claim not to feel sorry for her. Her behavior becomes incredibly understandable upon learning she has 4 kids, a cheating husband and a marriage on the rocks. The core of this woman’s life is tumbling just as yours is coming together – I can’t imagine the pain.

Has she always behaved like this, and it’s been kicked into overdrive by your engagement? Or is this new behavior?

Post # 10
510 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

@patchy:  +1
I think you have every right to be annoyed, hurt, pissed etc. etc. While I don’t think you SIL’s behaviour is excusable, she is obviously going through an extremely tough time, and honestly sound like she in stuck in a loveless marriage. Also sounds like she is way overcompensating for that marriage by trying to turn into something it’s not. Again, I don’t think her behaviour is excusable, but somewhat understandable. She needs to get some help and talk to someone about how to deal with life situation more constructively.
I’d be pissed, but please don’t actually think that this is a competition… honestly, let her have the nicest grandest vow renewal ever… it still won’t change that fact that her marriage is probably shit. And it’s not like people are actually going to compare the two.. such different situations, and if people know her circumstances they’ll likley just feel sorry for her.

Post # 11
1915 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2014 - Dallas, TX

I actually feel bad for her. I think you have every right to be annoyed, but if I were you I would try to think about how desperate and jealous this is of her. She’s obviously hurting and incredibly jealous of the amazing life you and your soon to be hubby are about to lead. If there’s nothing you can do about it to change the situation, maybe just try to look at it as that you are so lucky and shouldn’t let this woman ruin that for you!

Post # 12
7416 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

I actually feel sorry for her. Frankly, I’m not sure why your upset. Annoyed by her behavior, as far as jealousy or not being happy for you, that I get it. But at the same time, her life is in the crapper right now. How can she be happy for anyone. Her behavior is actually quite normal for someone tyring to make a bad siutation better, by over compensating.

Ultimately, are, she can whatever she wants, she doesn’t owe anyone an explaination. Her event is two months after your day, whats exactly the problem here? Do you expect the “spotlight” to continue two months after your wedding? So what it not a signifcant day. And frankly most rings really do look like, unless its a custom design, I don’t see the big deal with that either. 


Post # 13
46 posts


First off this SUCKS!!!  I feel bad for you.  She sounds VERY insecure.

However, whatever the situation be…if my husband got another woman pregnant and I had just delivered our FOURTH child together….um I’d be packing my bags..,.not getting vowel renewals.  Sounds like your brother is miserable in his marriage so he cheated..thus making your sister in law very insecure (which is VERY understandable).  


Like you I’d be pissed but also have a little sympathy for her…think how you would feel if your SO not only cheated but got someone else pregnant?


Post # 14
4524 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@bklynbridetobe:  +1

I really want to be sympathetic here, OP, and it might make more sense to be if their vow renewal was 2 months *before* your wedding…but it’s two months *after*, and in no way takes away attention for YOUR big day.

I agree she sounds like a kind of brat, but more than anything I just feel badly for her. The whole marriage sounds really toxic, and I’d be willing to bet she is humiliated that everyone seems to know her business.

I’m trying, OP, but the only emotion this is illiciting from me is sympathy for the woman with 4 kids and a husband that impregnated another woman overseas.

Post # 15
222 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

i’m editing because that was mean..


i just don’t think it’s really any of your business what theu decide to do as a couple. you don’t know what goes on behind closed doors. be happy with what you and your husband have and let them be. everyone finds happiness or deals with issues in their own way.

Post # 16
3773 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: December 1999

It sounds like they have had some really hard times and might just want a fresh start and to let everyone know they are committed to each other. I feel really bad for your SIL and instead of coming down on her I would kick my brother in the nuts for being such a jerk.

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